ALESSIA
It was already half-past six in the evening. Claude would probably be home in an hour. This was the time Claude usually came home since he didn’t pick me up in school anymore. I only spent half day at school today because the whole university administration had a meeting. So, I had time earlier to go to the pharmacy
It was just several days passed before I mustered the courage to buy a pregnancy test kit at the pharmacy. I bought three. Upon returning home to the mansion, I tried one.
I smiled widely as I stared at the pregnancy test kit in my hand. Finally, after months of being together with Claude, we had conceived. I would reconcile with my husband. There was no reason for me to sulk anymore. Surely, my husband will be delighted with the pregnancy test I will show him. Perhaps he would even love me and treat me as his wife now that we were going to have a baby together.
I couldn’t wait to share the good news to my husband. I am excited to talk to him. I kept checking the clock thinking what time he would probably come home.
But this day had a bigger surprise for me, something that I already knew, but I didn’t see it coming as fast.
I was walking down the hallway when I heard a voice in front of the room next to the master bedroom. That was Claude’s office. Was there someone there?
I approached and pressed my ear against the door. My eyes widened when I heard a familiar voice.
“Damn you, Claude! You never do anything right! If you really don’t want Sia, then just break up with her! Let her go so she won’t suffer with you anymore. I know you never treated her like a wife anyway.” I knew it was Donovan’s voice. My chest tightened as I heard what he said.
“Stop it, Donnie! None of the married couples in this family have ever reached the point of divorce. Claude, don’t start that now,” Lavinia warned. I closed my eyes as the corners of my eyes began to warm up. I didn’t want to cry now because I was happy.
Why did it even hurt? Maybe because I hoped for something better today. I was really hopeful that my pregnancy would turn the tide.
“I’m sorry, Mom. But Dad is right. It would be better if Sia and I just split up. I don’t like her. You know that. You were the ones who wanted her to be my wife, so you made sure we got married even though I didn’t want to.”
I wish I could just appear between them and tell him that I also did not like him at first. I wish I could tell him how much I enjoyed being around him now, and how much his existence had affected mine.
It felt like a boulder had lodged in my throat when I heard Claude’s voice. It was hard for me to swallow. Even my knees weakened. I was on the verge of collapsing to the floor.
“We did that thinking you’d change your ways with women. But you’re married now, and you’re still a womanizer. You haven’t changed. You didn’t even give your wife any dignity! Shame on you!” his father accused again.
This was exactly the lesson that they would want Claude to learn. Of course, I knew about this, this was exactly what the couple told me when I was asking them what they wanted in return of my favor.
“What? You want me to change, so you married me to that woman? Dad, Mom, that won’t happen. I don’t believe in that damn love! There’s no such thing as forever! There’s no woman worthy of my love. They’re all just after my money and my good looks. Of course, I’m also good at pleasing in bed, which is another reason why women flock at me. But I have no intention of tying the knot with anyone. You’re the ones who want me to get married.”
I refused to accept whatever he was saying against love. His thoughts on forever seemed to be coming from a person with so much bitterness in his heart. I wondered what kind of childhood that he had that he would think so negatively of love? I dropped the idea of him falling in love with me after hearing that, because clearly, he didn’t believe it at all.
How can a truth that I already knew still hurt me this much? I knew he didn’t love me, he could not even fake it in front of his parents. But, hearing him say those words, it had just doubled the ache that I had no words to describe how it felt.
“The hell with you, Claude! You’ve disrespected your mother and your sisters with what you’re saying! What do you think of them? Are they not decent? What do you think of yourself? Are you a god that only deserves the best women?”
Claude’s father’s voice grew louder. I was sure my father-in-law was boiling with anger based on his tone. I was afraid he might suddenly have a heart attack.
“Dad, they are exceptions to the rule. I respect them just like you do, and I respect their spouses. But if we’re talking about the women I’ve met since then, not one of them deserves my love,” Claude argued.
Was I not decent? Just because I agreed to this marriage? I was not after the Robinson’s money, I hopelessly went to them to seek help. I knew about this whole arranged marriage ever since I could remember, but I never knew it was not going to be easy not at all.
I wanted to scream at Claude’s last statement. Does my husband mean I don’t deserve the love of a Claude Xavier Robinson? So that’s why he never showed me any concern or even a little worry.
“Is that also how you see Sia? What did she ever do to you for you not to like her, huh? You’ve been together under one roof for almost a year, but you still haven’t learned to love her. What’s the problem?” Claude’s mother interjected.
I also had series of questions running at the back of mind at that time. What else did he want me to do so I could get a shot of his love? I did everything; I gave in to everything he demanded, I never complained even once, and I was so willing to do more had he asked.
“I’m sorry, Mom, Dad, but I’ll never ever love Sia even if the moon turns blue.”
My eyes widened at what I heard. The corners of my eyes grew warmer. I blinked several times to hold back my tears.
Did I have no worth in my husband’s eyes? Am I just a worthless woman to Claude? What am I lacking? I also felt he totally lost interest in me because I was ignoring him for the past weeks, and I had not slept with him since then. I was just waiting for him to approach me, because I knew it was my obligation to him.
If my virginity wasn’t enough, what else do I need to do for him to learn to love me? Does he want me to serve him like a servant?
I didn’t want to listen to the conversation anymore. I coudln’t bear it. I might end up crying if I stayed longer. I was about to leave the door when I heard Donovan’s voice again.
“Fine! You win! Let’s just get a divorce from your wife first. Then we’ll arrange the papers to completely erase your marriage. I’ll talk to Attorney Hernandez tomorrow.”
“No need to do that, Dad. Sia and I already have the divorce papers ready. I’ve sorted that out a long time ago. I’m just waiting for our wedding anniversary before I have her sign them.”
My tears finally fell uncontrollably. I realized that Claude had already planned what will happen in our relationship. I can’t do anything to stop it. We were destined to split up no matter what I do. The hope of us being together for a long time was even more distant than a polluted river or estuary. I wished I hadn’t pressured his parents to marry me to Claude. I wished I had listened to them when they said I didn’t need to repay any debt.
My time, effort, and sacrifices were all in vain. My relationship with Claude was ultimately going to end in separation. I held onto my stomach and slowly moved away from the door. I didn’t know whether to return to the room or go downstairs. I spent several seconds lost in thought. In the end, I decided to just go downstairs. As I descended the stairs, I wiped away my tears. Even though I didn’t want to cry, my tears just fell on their own.
By the time I reached the dining room, the maids were already serving dinner. I helped them to temporarily distract myself from the pain I was feeling. The maids glanced at me from time to time, probably wondering why I was there.
Minutes passed, and my in-laws, together with Claude finally approached the dining table. I also took my usual seat. I didn’t show any sign that I already knew about the discussions that took place in my husband’s office.
I remained silent as we ate. I tried to eat properly, although I could hardly swallow the food. It felt like I was swallowing stones.
After we finished eating, Lavinia told me she wanted to talk to me. Although nervous, I reluctantly followed her when she invited me to my husband’s office. I already knew what we were going to talk about. I just hoped I wouldn’t cry while we talked.
“I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t want to do this, but we can’t stop Claude from doing what he wants. He wants a divorce,” Mrs. Robinson said softly once we were inside.
I bit my lip. I made a strong effort not to let my tears fall. “I understand, auntie. You don’t need to apologize to me.” My voice was almost trembling. I managed to stop myself from crying, but my feelings were evident in my voice.
“Hey! Why are you calling me auntie? It should still be Mom. Even if you and Claude separate, I will still consider you my daughter. That won’t change.”
I smiled bitterly. “Thank you, but it’s better to be like this.”