ALESSIA
I bit my lower lip, my palms clenched. I didn’t know what kind of fate had befallen my life. Since my parents died, it seemed like we were constantly struck by calamity. It wasn’t just a strong earthquake that hit me and my sister; there was also a storm, and now it seemed like there was flooding too. What would come next?
“Ford, let’s go,” I said to Ford as I returned to the car. I couldn’t bring myself to look directly at the driver; my gaze remained fixed on the road.
“Alright, Ma’am. Did you see him?”
I briefly glanced at Ford but quickly returned my gaze forward. “N-no. C-Claude isn’t… Claude isn’t here.”
My suspicion was correct; Claude didn’t come home because he was busy with another woman. He should have left the office by now. Instead of arriving just as darkness fell, he was already in the condominium, occupied with another woman.
I didn’t want to admit that I had seen my husband. I didn’t want to be bothered or questioned. In short, I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.
Before the car could fully leave, I glanced back at where we came from. I bit my lip when I saw Claude talking to the guards. He was dressed, but his hair was still messy.
I felt a tightness in my chest, so I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I shouldn’t cry because Ford would surely wonder.
I could only ask myself why. Most women my age were just wondering around, messing up, and enjoying the fact that they were about to see the world. In my case, I felt like I was put in a different spectrum, the side where young women like me could not even imagine.
I had accepted that Claude didn’t love me. But would I accept his infidelity? Was that what love meant? What else do I have to endure?
The daunting questions raced through my mind. But I didn’t know the answer. Not only did my chest ache, but my head throbbed from thinking about where I went wrong, where I lacked, and how Claude could still deceive me in the cruelest way.
I wish I could at least demand for respect. Obviously, I could not. How can I expect respect from a disrespectful man? Was I not enough? Was I still the skinny girl he was not interested in when he first saw me? What about those nights when I felt like there was more to it than just lust? What about those early mornings that I would get awaken from with him being just so into me, or probably, into just my body?
Then the idea of a breakup surfaced, and I could not stand even the thought of it. I knew that this marriage was coming to an end in the coming months, but why did I feel like I did not want it to happen anymore. If a breakup would end the agreement earlier, where would I go? I had nothing, our company was still the management of Donovan until the agreement was fulfilled.
I didn’t have any savings because we had spent it all when my parents died. If there was a small amount left, I sent it to Lia, fearing that the old man who took her in wouldn’t let her hold onto the money. It didn’t matter if I had no money because Lavinia and Donovan were kind. Donovan gave me money on my first day at the mansion. He said it was a gift for me. So I sent the money to Lia. Lavinia’s gift to me was the clothes and items in her walk-in closet.
Claude’s parents treated me like their own daughter, but my own husband didn’t respect me. I felt like I was just an object or a toy to be taken when needed. I meant nothing to him.
Various negative thoughts crossed my mind. I didn’t realize we had already arrived at the mansion. I was startled when Ford spoke.
“Ma’am, we’re here.”
I immediately opened my eyes and looked around. We were already in front of the mansion. The door on my side opened. I hurriedly got out of the car, keeping my head down as I entered. I didn’t even acknowledge the maids who greeted me. I didn’t have time to talk to anyone properly. I walked straight to my room.
I quickly locked the door behind me when I entered. I threw my bag onto the sofa and then collapsed onto the bed. Here, I finally let out the tears I had been holding back since earlier. I hated crying the most because it weakened both my spirit and body. That’s why I preferred to bully rather than be bullied. But it turned out that only Claude could make me cry like this. Apparently, only a man could challenge me.
Everyone that knew him knew that he was a notorious womanizer. He had probably some more other side chics besides the woman I found in his condo. How long does he plan to be like this? I wish I could keep up.
I suddenly sat up when I heard a series of knocks. I quickly wiped my tear-streaked face. Then I headed to the door.
“Ma’am Sia, dinner is ready. Ma’am Lavinia is waiting for you in the dining room,” Constance said as she opened the door.
“Please tell her I’m still full. I’ll just join them for dessert,” I calmly replied.
“Huh? Are you crying? Is there a problem?” The maid stared at me intently.
I shook my head in frustration.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m just worried about our final exam. It’s next week, and I haven’t had a chance to review yet,” I lied.
“Oh! Eat first so you’ll have something in your stomach and you’ll feel better,” Constance said.
“I’ll do it later, Constance. Alright, I’ll just rest for now.” I didn’t wait for the maid to say anything else. I quickly closed the door.
I undressed and went into the bathroom. As the water flowed over my body, so did my tears. I cried while showering, so it took me almost an hour before I came out and returned to bed.
I stared at the bed for a few seconds before deciding. I went back to the walk-in closet. I took out a pillow and two comforters. I laid one on the floor and put the pillow on it before lying down. I will sleep here for now. I couldn’t bear to lie next to Claude. I will only cry more if I do.
I woke up the next day feeling like my stomach was being twisted. I hurried to the bathroom, barely making it to the sink before I started vomiting. It felt like I was emptying my entire stomach, but since I hadn’t eaten anything last night, almost nothing but water came out.
I sat weakly on the floor after finishing, my mind racing. Why was I vomiting? I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything since last night. I stared into space for a minute, panting, unable to think of a reason for this sudden nausea.
After a while, I stood up and took a shower. I got dressed after leaving the bathroom. Claude wasn’t in bed, but the part where he slept was wrinkled.
Realizing he actually went home last night and that he didn’t seem to check on me, just added to the piles of pains. Did he even care? I guessed not!
“Why are you two so quiet? Is there a problem?” Lavinia pointed out during breakfast. Claude and I were sitting next to each other, but neither of us spoke.
“Oh, it’s nothing, Mom. Just a marital spat. Please don’t mind us,” Claude said, and I looked at him. But when he glanced back at me, I quickly looked away.
After finishing my meal, I immediately went outside. I found Ford wiping the car.
“Ford, could you take me to school?” I asked.
“Sure, ma’am.”
He opened the door and let me in. Ford had just sat down when Claude came out. He was about to approach the car when I signaled to the old man to start the car. I saw my husband watching us as we drove away. I didn’t want to be with him, so for the next few days, it was Ford who took me to school.
The next day, Maven noticed my distracted state.
“Why?” she asked. “Is there something wrong with you? You look pale today. You’ve been under the weather for a few days. Do you have a problem?”
“Nothing, I’m just angry with Claude. But don’t ask me about it because I don’t want to talk about it.”
Maven fell silent. But that wasn’t the only thing that had changed about me. I often went straight to the bathroom to throw up. I also felt sleepy all the time. Maybe I was feeling this way because I had been sleeping in the walk-in closet since I caught Claude with another woman. Maybe I just needed more sleep, plus the stress of our final exams. But I am okay. I could handle it, even if I was struggling.
“If you’re feeling unwell, maybe you should get a check-up. You’re too pale, Sia. It’s different now,” Maven said meaningfully.
I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sick, alright?”
“Are you sure? Maybe you’re pregnant, which is why you look pale and weak.”
What now?