A little while later, Zayn lets me sleep on his chest. I was still high from another blast of my orgasm. This time, I was successful enough to make him loosen the knot in his stomach too. He felt great, he said. He had fun, he said.
Well, I’m glad.
But an unexplainable kind of feeling resides in my heart which makes me feel empty within. I know that he’s right beside me, cuddling me up, but there’s something else that tells me I’m going to lose him. To someone else, or God… I don’t know.
“What is your pretty brain thinking about?” He whispers in my ear, deliberately trying to remove my thoughts.
“Nothing…” I say softly, pushing myself closer into his haven. He strokes my semi-wavy yet soft brunette hair as he sniffs it. Oh, shoot. He shouldn’t have inhaled even a piece of my hair. I stink like a pig-
“You stink like a pig. Oink oink.” My jaw drops to the pillow.
“Meanie!” Screaming aloud, I try to detach myself from the human slug. Yet he offers greater resistance and at once pulls me close to cage me forever. Exhaling sharply, I receive a kiss atop my head.
He’s… confusing me.
What does he mean by all this?
“Zayn…” I call for his attention. I need him to answer me seriously.
“What are we?” He looks at me without emotion. I begin to feel unwanted and like a rag doll, used for someone’s mere pleasure. As I begin overthinking, Zayn gently kisses my hair to which I react explosively.
“No. Please tell me honestly. I know you always look at us like we’re the plague around the whole campus. You might think you’re hiding your expressions, but no. You make us feel miserable about our fate.” Words spill out of my mouth without consent. Instead of apologizing like he wanted me to, I keep staring at him for an answer.
Silence lingers around us like thick spider webs.
We sit opposite each other when he starts explaining why he did what he did.
“Look, Cassandra. I’ve been told by many faculty about your friend and her behavior. Sure, I did form an opinion and started giving you glances. Especially when my colleague was banging her on the desk. He told me how much he hated her, yet did that to her.” He says, my eyes widening in shock. I didn’t know such things happen to her while she was alone. Does she even have any knowledge of this?
“I bet every one of your colleagues thinks the same way about her,” I say.
“Not just her. You too.” Huh? So people lump me into that category without any knowledge about me? So foolish. But I’m way past all the societal blame. Men always want what they want to satisfy themselves. I stopped trusting anyone besides my family and Ravine.
I shake my head as he tries to hold my face. I swat his hand away, irritated. The look on his face says that he is disappointed. Well, I have more to hear.
“I uh… gave you those kinds of looks to show the world I’m not interested in your nor your friend. I tried it just once in the past, maybe three months ago. And my colleagues noticed it. They started appreciating me, I kinda liked mingling with them.” He says. What a selfish bastard. But I bet he will spew more nonsense in my face if I continue hearing him out.
“Cassandra, I’m telling you the truth. I’m sorry, but because of my dignity to save from disintegration, I made you two my target. As a single child of my family, I craved nothing but social connections at that time. Even until yesterday, I believed I was going great putting you two in the worse picture. I’m so sorry for that.” He approaches me to kiss my knuckles. But I was beyond mad for him using us like that.
“I don’t care anymore, professor. I’m sorry that you had to come to my house. To the house of the ones, you gossip and help spread rumors about. I’m afraid I’m going to ask you to leave.” I say without an inch of mercy.
That’s enough for me.
I think this is my highest altitude to keep quiet and bear everything on my account. I need to make sure people around me don’t humiliate me or my friend.
We didn’t fucking choose this path of life. Things just happen around us.
I didn’t choose to be born into a mediocre family with no father figure.
Ravine didn’t choose to be born in an abusive household.
Things were nothing but unlucky for us and I don’t give a damn anymore. I will change my luck for myself.
I look at Zayn staring at my face. I thought he would manipulate me to stay here until the weather got good. But I guess I’m always wrong about him.
“I understand. I’ll leave.” He doesn’t resist. He goes into the bathroom to change his clothes and puts the used ones in the washing machine himself. He takes all his belongings and goes out of the room, silently.
There it comes again.
That pang of emptiness in my heart.
Will it please, please disappear with him? I don’t want it lingering in my head anymore. I can’t deal with so many things happening around me.
After some time, Louis notices the man walking out of the house with only his laptop on his head. I look out of the window and close it quickly. It was way too cold.
“Where’s your professor?”
“I told him to leave.” I curl into a ball on my bed, pretending to be asleep under the covers. He slowly approaches me and goes, “Are you okay? Did he… do something to my precious sister?” He asks. I smile and spread my arms to hug my lovely brother. He never fails to amaze me with how much he cares about the people he loves.
“It’s nothing. He got a notice from his family. H-his car was outside.” I felt awful lying to my brother. But I need to keep things a secret.
“Car? Didn’t the government just say not to use any automobiles? It’s so harmful.” He says. Can he please go back to being all dumb? He’s pondering too much about a stranger who stayed here just for shelter.
“Doesn’t matter, Louis. He’s way too rich, remembers? If that car was ruined, he could click his fingers and get a new one. Don’t worry about him.” I say as he hums and parts from the hug.
“Shouldn’t he have done that sooner? That ass.” He says, remembering briefly about last night.
“Bro. Don’t tell mom and I won’t tell her you’re hooking up with Ravine.” I warn him into a deal. But the idiot suddenly begins cackling, making me look at his stupid face.
“You’re threatening me now huh!? Well. Does that mean we can hook up!?” He asks excitedly.
“No, you asshole. That was the last time.” I say.
“Huh! As if a midget can stop me.”
“What did you say!?” I throw a pillow at him. And that’s how a pillow fight started between us, later joined by Ravine.
________
At around our dinner time, a notification pops up on Ravine’s and my mobile.
[Service connections are restored all over the country. We request your pupils to attend school or college from tomorrow onwards for 3 days, that is from 12th December to 15th December without fail. Attendance will be awarded.]
The message read.
I sigh because I wasn’t in the mood to attend school while it was hailstorming outside like war bullets.
However, morning rolls in and I’m as tired of life as ever. Today, I hopefully survive the bullying and all, but I’m going to slowly start standing up for myself.
Motivating my idiotic self, I gather all my notes and books and sit in front of my phone attached to the wall. Beside me, on her phone sits Ravine. Louis didn’t even have to bother about maintaining his attendance. It’s as short as 11% or something. I don’t have that courage though. He will probably lure his headmaster again and get his percentage of whatever he wants.
Well, I log in to my student portal to see the first class conducted by our homeroom teacher. He is none other than Zayn himself.
Students were requested to turn their cameras on and I did. Professor Zayn appears to be in shambles, however.
He had a sore throat as he spoke and his eyes were all red and puffed. His runny nose was covered with a mask that he shortly removes after a student points it out. “It’s not fair I show my face despite being sick too, sir!” He laughs but obeys.
It appears as though he caught a severe cold.
Is it perhaps my fault? Yesterday was pretty bad a condition to even take a breather out outside air. He must have caught a cold because… of me.
I felt guilty now. If I at least gave him a sheet to cover his head-
“What’s those on your fingers, sir!?” Another girl asks out of concern. Only then do I notice the bandaids he was trying to hide from our visual?
Were they because of the hail falling on his fingers?
“Oh, these. It’s nothing. The cold made my fingers all chipped so I had to fix them down for a while.” He says, continuing with the lesson. I on the other hand couldn’t concentrate on his words. It was my fault that he was injured and his health was down. I regret letting him say his opinions about us. It was better hidden inside his heart.
“Alright then! Let’s wrap it up.” He says with a smile. We then hear conversations between him and my classmates.
“Sir, you’re in a good mood today! What happened?” He wasn’t in a good mood at all. He’s faking it. I could tell such things right off the bat now and I don’t know why.
“I don’t know, Sara. Maybe the weather?” He gives her a fake smile again.
“Well, sir. We want physical classes to start again! It’s boring inside our home!”
“Hey~ don’t say that! This is a lovely time to spend with your family, isn’t it? Until the Christmas holidays, you can know your family better! It’s just my opinion.” There it goes again.
There’s a visible black void that covers his orbs when he speaks about families. I might not be the smartest, but I guess he doesn’t or never got much time to spend with his own family. I understand his pain. My only parental figure is always working. But I at least have a brother to stand by my side when I need him to.
He was all alone. Unlike me.
I was slowly starting to understand his perspective too. The reason why he made us the bad guys in front of everyone on the campus. He was only trying to make friends…
This is so fucked up.
I want to forgive him, but not quite easily. He must earn my forgiveness. Or perhaps, he won’t even try to seek forgiveness from us.
Closing the app, I take a five-minute break to attend the next class.
And so, the whole day goes by with nothing and me crying over the two who almost confessed each other’s feelings to me. They seem okay together. It’s like Louis is strong enough- at least emotionally to protect her and she is the most sensible person I’ve ever seen.
I should stop being pissy at everyone I know now. That’s disintegrating my peace.
A few hours later, in the evening around dusk, I get a call from my Professor.