153
Matteo’s POV
I wasn’t one for tiptoeing around problems. Gianna, however, seemed determined to shove hers into a fucking closet and pretend they didn’t exist.
We were wrapping up for the day, the conference room except for the faint hum of the city outside. She was sitting at the head of the table, fingers flying across her laptop keyboard, her focus sharp as a blade. At least, she wanted it to look that way.
“Gianna,” I said, leaving my things and walking to her knowing fully well she’d push me away again. But I didn’t care. Not this time.
She didn’t look up. “Not now, Matteo. I’m busy.”
“Busy avoiding me, you mean?” I demanded, slamming my palms on the table much more louder and harder than I’d intended.
That got her attention. She paused, her fingers hovering over the keys before she sighed and sat back, crossing her arms. “What do you want?”
I leaned against the edge of the table, arms folded. “I want to know what’s going on with you. And don’t give me the ‘I’m fine’ speech-I’m not buying it.”
Her jaw tightened, and she glanced away, as if the view outside the window suddenly required her full attention.
“I’m focusing on work,” she said finally. “That’s what’s going on.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “Right. Because ignoring someone you spent an entire night with is just part of your professional strategy?”
Her head snapped back to me, eyes narrowing. “This isn’t about that night.”
“Isn’t it?” I pushed, my voice rising slightly. “Because it sure feels like it is. You’ve been avoiding me ever since, acting like we’re nothing more than colleagues when we both know that’s not true.”
She stood, her chair scraping back against the floor. “We are colleagues, Matteo. In fact, not colleagues. I’m your boss, you work for me! Damnit. That’s all we are, and that’s all we can ever be. Why won’t you just accept that?”
“Because that’s bullshit, and you know it,” I shot back, my frustration boiling over.
She blinked, startled by my tone, but she didn’t back down. “It’s reality. I can’t afford to… to let feelings get in the way of my career. Of everything I’ve worked for.”
I stepped closer, my voice softening but no less intense. “And what about what we could have? Does that mean nothing to you?”
Her lips parted as if to argue, but no words came out. For a moment, the mask she wore so well slipped, and I saw the vulnerability beneath it.
“Matteo, I can’t,” she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Why?” I demanded, my eyes searching hers. “Why can’t you? What are you so afraid of?”
She turned away, hugging herself as if trying to shield against the weight of my questions. “I’m not afraid,” she said, but the tremor in her voice gave her away.
“Liar.” The word hung in the air, heavy and pointed.
She spun back to face me, her cheeks flushed with anger-or maybe something else. “You don’t get to stand here and judge me, Matteo. You don’t know what I’ve been through, what it’s like to have to fight prove yourself to everyone times and times again.”
Her words hit me like a slap, but I didn’t back down. “Then tell me. Stop shutting me out and tell me.”
Her chest rose and fell as she struggled to rein in her emotions. For a moment, I thought she might actually let me in, but then she shook her head, retreating behind her walls again.
“This isn’t about you, Matteo,” she said, her voice steadier now. “It’s about me. And I need you to respect that.”
I raked a hand through my hair, frustration bubbling over again. “I do respect you, Gianna. But I also know what I feel, and I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t exist just because you’re scared to face it.”
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, and for the first time, I saw just how much this was costing her. “I can’t do this,” she said, her voice breaking.
“Can’t or won’t?” I challenged.
She didn’t answer. Instead, she turned away, her shoulders slumping under the weight of her silence.
I wanted to shake her, to force her to see what was right in front of us, but I knew that would only push her further away. So instead, I took a step back, giving her the space she so desperately seemed to need.
“You know where to find me when you’re ready to stop running,” I said quietly before walking out.
I felt tears clouding my vision as I stormed away from the work area of the hostel and straight to my room. I dumped my things on the bed and slammed my fiat against the wall, making a thud reverberate around the room.
I didn’t know why this was affecting me so much. I didn’t know why she was affecting me so much. Gianna wasn’t the first woman I’d been with. Yet I couldn’t pinpoint what the fuck made her so different from the others.
What the fuck made me so drawn to her that I wanted her and only her, even though she kept pushing me away.
Why I kept taking that risk of talking to her times and times again, trying to let her see that we could work even though she could just fire me to keep me out of her life.
Why hadn’t she don’t that anyway?
I ran my hands through my hair, swallowing the lump in her throat. I could see in her eyes that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I could see that she wanted to say yes and she wanted to give this a try but I couldn’t understand why she refused to do that. Why she was denying herself that.
It couldn’t be just because of the fucking age difference. No one would give shit. No one would know. Still she was refusing me all the damn time. I hoped she knew I wouldn’t wait forever.