“You’re right,” Rachael said and again her heart demanded that she tell Kitty that she loved her and Kitty was struggling as well. But they couldn’t. They were too scared.
“I’ll go tell the bitch,” Kitty said. And Kitty never swore.
^^ Seducing a Son ^^
For a few days Kitty just tried to ignore everything that had happened. She woke up, got her family together for the day and then went to school. She would see Rachael and talk with her gently, but never about the subject they that both were most concerned about. Rachael seemed a bit strained when she saw her, but in general things were going normally. The only difference was the hot, white hated she felt for Ariel anytime she saw her. She once saw Rachael in the hallway, shrinking away from Ariel as they passed. It broke her heart but she couldn’t let it affect her. Ariel had said nothing else, maybe she was just bluffing. She couldn’t put it on the internet. that was probably illegal in and of itself.
Then one night she was sitting at her kitchen table, having a glass of wine and thinking. Her husband was at “work” and her son was fast asleep and she was thinking. Suddenly it struck her. The absolute absurdity of what had happened to her. Not just the blackmail. That was truly bizarre. But the situation that had caused the blackmail was no less unlikely.
Her entire life she had always known she was straight. There had never been a doubt in her mind about it. She lost her virginity to a boy in high school. She had gone to college and had sex with several boys and then she had gotten married. There had never been a single instance in her life in which she had ever sexually considered another woman. She had never experimented with women in college and she had not so much as kissed a girl in her entire life until Rachael. Until there was a student who had suddenly kissed her and changed her life, even if she refused to acknowledge that it had.
She was starting to notice women everywhere now. She didn’t necessarily want to be with them, she was so happy when she was with Rachael. But all of the sudden she was appreciating the sexuality of women. She appreciated the gentle curves of their bodies, the way their breasts swelled, the way their hips were rounded and the way their legs were thin and smooth. What was it about Rachael? What had caused this?
That night, it suddenly dawned on her. She suddenly realized what had happened to her, what had changed her from a dissatisfied wife to some sort of lesbian. She was lonely. She didn’t think that this was something new. She couldn’t ever remember in her life a true feeling of love. She was attached to men sexually, but even her husband, what had she ever felt with him? Further, she had never had any close girlfriends, it just hadn’t happened. She always felt uncomfortable around women. She had never known what she was missing because she never had it. Then suddenly, when she was almost 40 years old, she met a young girl in her class. They had talked a little bit and she had laughed. It was a girl and she didn’t feel uncomfortable around her and the girl obviously enjoyed her company as well. And it wasn’t just lust, although her mouth still watered when she thought about Rachael’s tight little body. No, it was a real connection. The kind of connection that she had lacked her entire life. She was a lesbian. But only because it was Rachael. If Rachael’s soul had been inside of anyone or anything she would have been drawn to it. Rachael was her soul mate. It almost made sense that it didn’t make sense. It had been so easy. So easy to fall for the girl.
She realized now, that she was pretending to be happy again. The way she had her entire life. The way she had done with her husband. The way she had done with boyfriends in college and in high school. She was just hoping and praying that everything would be happy again and she was convincing herself already that she was happy. Her body ached suddenly. Every part of her wanted Rachael. Suddenly, the stakes of what she was considering. She realized that unless she fulfilled Ariel’s demands, she would be losing the only thing in her life that had ever made her truly happy romantically and sexually. It wasn’t fair. But it had to be done.
She had Rachael’s cell phone number. They were both very cautious about calling one another, if anyone ever checked the bill it could look suspicious and they were even more cautious now with Ariel, but Kitty couldn’t wait any longer. She knew what she had to do. Her fingers flew to the buttons and she felt her hands shaking terribly. It rang for what felt like an eternity. Finally, there was Rachael’s gentle voice.
“Kitty? Hello?” she said.
“Hi Rachael,” she said, sighing with relief. She had been so nervous but Rachael presence, even across the phone, was a comfort, “I want you to know that I am not going to put any pressure on you. I am not going to let that girl use our emotions against one another.”
“What do you mean?” Rachael asked, suddenly sounding concerned. She thought that perhaps this meant that Kitty didn’t want to see her anymore.
“It means I am going to try to fulfill my end of the bargain. Even if you don’t. I am going to do this for you. The decision will be yours and I won’t be angry at you, either way,” Kitty explained. The line was silent on the other end. For a terrifying moment, Kitty thought she had misjudged the situation.
“I am going to try too,” Rachael said, “I decided right away that I was going to do it.” Kitty felt emotions welling deeply within her. Rachael wanted to protect her too. It was a great feeling. How could she feel so safe in such a precarious relationship? She wanted to say something
“Oh my mom is coming! I think I had better go, I want to stay with you. But, you know… I have to go,” Rachael said, her voice also thick with unexplored emotions.
“Okay,” Kitty said, suddenly disoriented. This was so strange.
“Thanks,” Rachael said with a thickness in her voice that called out for Kitty to say something. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but thinking of the young girl with her mother, even in this strange situation, she couldn’t say the words.