“Just follow me and be quiet,” I said. I started up the stairs and she followed. We reached the hallway upstairs and I walked to my brother’s room. Just like before I started the process of slowly and carefully cracking the door so I could look inside. When I got it about five inches open I could see the screen. Sammy was still pounding away at his dick and there were cartoons having sex on screen. One had giant boobs, so I was pretty sure my mother would be satisfied.
“What are you doing?” my mother whispered. But then we both heard the sound of a woman’s moan coming from the computer. My mother pushed past me and looked at the crack. I looked at her face as she registered what she was looking at. She blushed and looked embarrassed to see my brother masturbating, but I could sense that she was relieved as well.
“See!” I said carefully. My mom pulled away from the door, embarrassed but grinning.
“I do feel better,” she said and then started to turn to leave.
“Oh fuck mom, suck my dick!” a voice said from my brother’s room. It wasn’t my brother’s voice, it was the video.
“Oh son, I love you so much, I want to taste you!” A woman’s voice said. My mother’s eyes grew wide. Then she rushed to the door and looked inside again. I tried to get in her way, but I couldn’t. What kind of weirdo porn was Sammy watching?
“Momma, I want you to taste my cum!” the voice said.
“I want to eat it up!” the mother replied. I realized then that I might have made things a thousand times worse. But how was I to know?
“Come on mom,” I said, “Let’s get out of here.” But my mother wanted none of that. Instead she pushed past the door. Into my brother’s room.
“What it the hell is going on in here!” she hissed, obviously not wanting to scream and wake my father. I heard my brother give out a terrified yell and then I came into the room behind my mother. Sammy turned quickly, his dick still out and hard. When he realized this, he took a pillow from the foot of his bed and covered himself.
“Jesus Christ, what are you two doing here?” he said, his voice almost squealing with discomfort.
“What are we doing here?” my mother asked, “What are you doing here. What is that filth?”
“It’s just porn mom, all guys look at porn,” Sammy said, hanging his head and looking absolutely dreadful. I wanted to run over to him and put my arms around him. I wanted to expel this embarrassment. But for the time at least, I was trapped.
“It wasn’t just porn!” My mother said and she looked absolutely terrified when she said it. I realized she wasn’t angry, like I thought, she was scared. “It was porn where… where a mother was… having sex with her… with her son!” she said and she could barely get it out.
“No it wasn’t!”
“I heard it!”
“It’s a joke!” he said.
“Your erection wasn’t a joke,” my mother said and my brother recoiled as though he were hit. “I saw what you were doing. Oh god! What is wrong with this family! What did I do wrong?”
“Mom, you need to relax,” I said, trying to calm what was happening. But she didn’t seem to hear me.
“Is that what you want? You want me to have sex with you?” My mother said and Sammy’s eyes got wide. He was clearly terrified.
“No, it was just a fantasy mom, I am sorry,” he said
“Fantasies you have about me?” my mother said.
“No… Just… No!” My brother said, trying to slink back into the chair. And then I realized something. I looked at my mother and she was so passionate at that moment. She was so alive at that moment, I realized what was happening. I’d been there before. She was flattered. And curious. And a little aroused. And she was terrified of those feelings. She wanted to make sure they were not legitimate. She wanted them out root and branch. But she liked it. She was trapped in a loveless marriage, god knew when the last time she’d had sex. She felt sexy. That was what was swirling in her head; it was what was making her scared. And this was her little boy, she loved him. I had to convince her that the only way to keep him was to accept him… any maybe her own urges.
“Mom,” I said, “Mom stop…:” Finally my mother seemed to hear me and she turned and looked at me. Her eyes were red and she looked like she was about to start bawling. Her whole body was shaking.
“What is happening Lynn, this can’t be happening!” My mother said. Then she sat down on the bed and buried her face in her hands. I let her cry for a while. My brother looked at me, terrified and embarrassed. I just nodded reassuringly to him, in way that let him know I would take care of it. He seemed to relax. But just a very little bit.
“Mom,” I said, picking my words with extreme care, “I knew about this. I talked to Sammy about this when he came to visit me at school. He told me he had sexual fantasies about you.” My brother’s eyes widened and he looked like he was about to protest, so I pursed my lips and shook my head. He fell silent.
“Oh god honey, why did you tell me?” she begged through her fingers.
“Can I be very, very honest with you mom?” I asked and she looked up and nodded. “Sammy told me that he was terrified. He was terrified to tell you. He thinks you are a beautiful and sexy woman. And he wanted you. But he was afraid that if he told you that not only you would say no (and believe me, he knew that you would say no), but he was more afraid that you’d hate him. That you’d stop loving him. I told him that there was no way he could ever do anything that would make you stop loving him. Didn’t I Sammy?”
“Yeah, you did,” Sammy said and he sounded like his throat was dry. My mother looked up. Her eyes were red, and so were her cheeks. But she looked somehow beautiful, I can’t explain it. Seeing the intensity of her concern for my brother, so genuine. The passion was palpable and beautiful.
“How could he ever think that?” my mother said, “Of course I worry about him. But I love him and I will always love him. We can work through this.”
“I think Sammy needs for you to hug him and tell him everything is okay,” I explained. My mother looked over at my brother who gave her a sheepish look. I saw her eyes melt. She only ever wanted what was best for him. She threw open her arms. Sammy stood and held the pillow up against his crotch and looked at me. I made a motion, like he should throw it aside and he complied. His penis was flaccid now and bounced against his leg as he moved over to our mother. If she noticed, she pretended that she did not. He fell reluctantly into her arms and she held him close.