Erik sighed deeply, relief flooding his face. “Thank you. It’s been making me sick.”
They sat and swung in silence as the early evening faded into a cool, clear night. Two friends together, but in a kind of limbo, both wishing things could be as they were before.
“So,” Erik said, breaking the silence. “What’s your plan for getting Paul back?”
Ace turned and blinked. “You want me to get him back? Even after –” he gestured between them.
“I want you to be happy, Ace,” Erik said. “I had just hoped you might decide one day you could be happy with me.”
“Erik –” Ace swallowed hard against threatening tears.
“Don’t worry about it,” Erik waved him off. “I’m not your type, I get that. I’ve known this for a long time.” He leaned back in the seat and pushed them into a stronger swing. “I’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all.”
Ace felt the tears well in his eyes. “I don’t deserve you, you know that?” He pulled Erik into a hug.
“This is my burden,” Erik joked through his own tears, his face pressed into Ace’s shoulder.
They both sniffled and pulled back to compose themselves.
“So, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided your situation calls for a grand gesture,” Erik announced.
Ace looked at him with skepticism. “This is not a wacky Matthew McConaughey movie.” His face went temporarily dreamy. “Mmmm, McConaughey.”
“Please, I would not stoop to that reference,” Erik scoffed. “I was thinking more ‘Say Anything.’ You know, boom box over your head, Peter Gabriel, the works.”
“I got rid of my boom box after college.”
“Or, to be a shade more classical about it, you could write him a long letter, a la Mr. Darcy,” Erik offered.
“But I want to see him,” Ace insisted. “Want him to see me. Want him to really see that I need him. That I lo-” he stopped abruptly and swallowed. “That I love him,” he finished softly. “I do. I can’t tell him that in a letter.”
Erik nodded at him and smiled softly. That was the first time Ace had admitted the depth of his feelings out loud.
“It’s not enough to tell him the L-word, you know,” Erik said. “You have to let him all the way in.”
“So to speak,” they said in unison.
Erik looked all around Ace’s bright, stuffed, artful living room. “You’ve built a beautiful cocoon here. Lots of projects, lots of protection. Make sure he knows he’s welcome in your turf. And I don’t just mean on this couch.”
Ace frowned again. Paul was here all the time. Hell, he could still smell hints of him in the cushions. How much more did Erik want?
All the way in, he said. Did Paul not know how he felt about him? Was it not obvious? Was that why Tanner was able to scare him off so easily?
Erik was right. Ace hadn’t let anybody in — really in — for a long time. Instead, he’d filled himself up with projects and work and distractions and this simmering, heavy anger. How could anybody new find a place in all that?
Remarkably, Paul had. He was persistent, stubborn and irresistible. And now it felt like he could slip away forever.
That scared Ace more than any deep, dark closet.
“So, it sounds like the only plan available is to stand outside his door and wait for him to show up,” Erik said. “Go and put yourself in his face.” He smiled over at Ace. “Seriously, who could resist that face?”
Ace managed a watery smile.
Erik gave his thighs a definitive slap and stood up. “I’m going to go. Get to work on this plan and report back, if you please.”
“Yes sir,” Ace said. So easy to say that, he thought. Come up with a brilliant plan. Wait for a miracle to happen, skip to the end.
“He loves you too, you know,” he said, pausing at the bottom step. “I could see it right away. And that doesn’t go away as quickly as you’re afraid.”
He left Ace alone with his thoughts and his purring cat.
Ace meanly thought that, really, Paul should be giving him the benefit of the doubt. Ace had suffered more than a few indignities in the short time he’d known Paul. The least that man could do was answer his damn phone.
But Ace knew how it must have looked with Tanner — a young, admittedly hot, eager guy touching him like that. Ace tried to imagine how he would have taken it if he’d seen Paul in a similar position. The fury that raced through his veins made him almost dizzy.
And it came at possibly the worst time for Paul, right when he was experiencing the darkest part of coming out. Ace could remember that hopelessness, the cold plastic swing and the rusted chains against his hands, staring down into the scuffed dirt at his feet. He remembered how alone he’d felt — right until that moment Sonya came by and pulled him out of his funk.
He wanted to be there for Paul, especially now. But being there would involve chasing after him. How ironic. All this time, Paul had been doing the chasing, and Ace had been holding him off.
Now he found the roles reversed. He was going to have to be persistent, to not take no for an answer, everything Paul had done to win him over. Could this be fixed with a sexy back rub? Some cotton candy?
This was utterly new territory for Ace. He had never before understood the concept of fighting for someone. If a guy didn’t want to be with him, what good would it do to try to change his mind? To twist his arm into loving him? Then they would both always know that one of them had to beg and the other wasn’t completely on board. It’s why he was able to walk away from Cameron even though it broke his heart to do so.
But right now, Ace wanted to fight — fight to be understood, fight to get back in Paul’s arms, fight all comers.
A dramatic act, Erik had said. A grand gesture. Maybe it wouldn’t take anything grand.
Maybe just something slightly sneaky.