“Before yesterday. I’d met him last week at a place called Sparks here in town.”
“But you didn’t seem like you ” Holly let this sink in. “Oh, honey. That must have just thrown you to see him again.”
“To say the least, yes.” Paul was gratified to hear how quickly Holly understood how awkward it had been for him.
“You know, I invited him here to our weenie roast,” she said.
Paul sat up straighter in his chair. “Is he ”
“No. Said he had things to do.” She tilted her head to look at him. “Are you disappointed? Or not?”
“Both,” Paul admitted. “I don’t know. Things are kind of a mess there. My mess, not his.”
“Because you’re not out?”
“In a nutshell.”
“Well, you could always ”
“Not an option.”
Holly opened her mouth to say more, but she spotted Steven returning with the drinks and trotted over to help him.
Paul poked at the fire with one of the tree branches and watched as the flames spurted higher. Easy as that, isn’t it? You could always come out. You could always turn everything upside-down and see if it all falls to shit.
“Oh, you know what, babe?” Holly lightly touched Steven’s arm. “We’re going to need napkins and plates and stuff. And maybe some condiments. Ooh, and the buns for the hotdogs we need the buns.”
“I’m really just a pack mule here,” Steven grumbled.
“No, you’re my big strong man,” Holly cooed and slowly kissed him.
Steven walked back to the house with a goofy smile on his face.
Paul regarded Holly. “You use that ‘big strong man’ line whenever you want someone to do your bidding.”
“Shhh,” she chided. “I keep your secrets, you keep mine.”
Oh God. She definitely needs to keep this secret. “Please do.”
“It’s that important?” she asked. “To be a secret, I mean?”
“Yes,” he said fervently.
“Why? What are you afraid of?” Holly furrowed her brow. “Is it Steven ”
Paul cut her off. “Do NOT tell Steven,” he said sharply. “Of all the people you’re not going to tell, he’s at the very top of the list.”
Holly sat back and slowly nodded. It didn’t look like she agreed with him, but Paul could tell that she was going to do as he asked.
“What are you going to do now?” she asked kindly. “About Ace? About other things?”
“I don’t know,” he sighed.
“Okay. Then, what do you want to do?”
Paul’s mind flashed to the view from Ace’s bedroom the happy street below, Ace’s cozy house and all-knowing cat. For the first time in his life, when he thought about what he wanted from a man, he didn’t automatically think naked thoughts. He thought about making a home making a life with someone. With Ace.
Before Paul was forced to answer that loaded question, Steven returned with his latest pack of supplies.
“Will there be anything else, madam?” he asked in a bad British accent.
“That will do for now, Jeeves,” Holly replied airily.
“Was Jeeves ever that sarcastic?” Paul asked.
Holly just looked at him. “Have you ever actually read Jeeves? Because clearly it wasn’t very closely if you missed the sarcasm.”
“Dude, eyes on the fire,” Steven said to Paul. The fire in question was starting to flag thanks to inattention. “Enough book talk. It was books, right?” he checked with his fiance. “The Jeeves thing?”
“Good catch, honey.” Holly kissed him sweetly.
Paul felt a sudden pang of unfocused jealousy. Not of Steven or Holly specifically, but of what they had. Would he ever be able to sit around a fire pit with his brother and Holly and just casually lean over to kiss Ace?
And it was always Ace in all these new, fuzzy dreams he had now not just “some guy.” All “guys” have been replaced by only Ace in his future hopes.
Now that Holly had run out of chores for Steven to do, they settled down into the business of roasting and eating and maintaining the fire.
It was a perfect night for sitting outside and making a little campfire. The cloudless sky revealed a faint cover of stars, and the late spring air was just cool enough to make the fire a welcome addition to the party.
The only thing marring it for Paul was that he was once again relegated to third wheel status. More than ever, his solitary life rubbed him the wrong way, especially since he’d had a taste a sniff of what else he could have.
When they had all finished their meals, Holly sent Steven inside once more for trash bags.
“Okay, but next time, I expect some assistance,” Steven said sternly, but smiling.
Once Steven was safely out of range, Holly returned to their parallel conversation, just as if no time had passed.
“Okay. Not telling Steven. Gotcha,” she nodded. “I think you’re underestimating him, though.”
“For now, I’ll stick with my original estimates,” Paul mumbled.
“And what are you going to do about Ace?”
“Well, that’s a little sticky.”
“Um, ew.”
Paul smacked her lightly on the arm. “Not like that.” He considered it. “Well, maybe a little ”
Holly slugged him back. Harder.
“I don’t know,” Paul said, serious again. “I don’t know if he will even look at me again after how I ran out this morning.”
“It was bad?”
“There was a witness.”
Holly winced in sympathy. Then she patted his leg. “I’ll do some investigating on your behalf. We’ll fix it.”
Paul’s fear sensors kicked up a notch. “Miss Shipley,” he said slowly, “what are you ”
“Hang on,” she interrupted. She pulled out her phone and quickly sent a text. “We need refills. It will keep him inside a little longer.”
“Ace is coming to the open house next Sunday,” Holly said, picking up the conversation again. “I’ll get to the bottom of things.”
That sounded innocent enough, but Paul was still a little wary. “How very sixth grade of you. ‘Ask Jennifer to ask Cody if Bobby thinks I’m cute,'” he said in a high voice.
“Don’t mock the time-honored ways of the yenta,” Holly said solemnly.
Her phone trilled with a new text alert. “Steven says, ‘stop texting me around,'” she said with affection. “And he says you need to stoke the fire.”
“Bossy little brother,” Paul muttered with a smile.
He put more wood on the fire and sat back in his lounge chair. “You know, it feels good to talk about this,” he said. “I’ve never been able to tell anyone before.”
Holly reached over and took his hand in her smaller one. “You can call me absolutely any time, babe,” she said. “I’m so lucky to be getting you as a big brother, and I want to be there for you.”
Tears pricked at Paul’s eyes. “Ah, if only I went for girls,” he sighed. “I would have stolen you away from Steven, brotherhood be damned.”
“What was that?” Steven called out. Paul stiffened. What had he heard exactly?
“Brotherhood be damned, huh?” Steven continued.
“Paul is regretting not stealing me away from you,” Holly said. Paul felt a surge of gratitude for his new confidante.
“As if there would be a contest,” Steven scoffed. “I’m clearly prettier.”
“And in more need of someone to crack the whip,” Paul retorted.
“That too,” Steven said, plopping himself down in the chair next to Holly. “Okay, folks. This pack mule is done for the night. Any more fetching is up to you.”
Holly smiled at him. “Such rewards for you tonight, love,” she purred.
Paul cleared his throat. “Do I need to make myself scarce?”
“Are you kidding? You’re doing the rest of the cleanup, lazyass,” Steven said. “Jeeves has retired for the evening.”
“Tell Paul about that client call you got this morning,” Holly prompted.
Steven launched into a spirited telling of the latest of his Stupid Client Encounters, and Paul settled into his chair to listen.
This night this comfortable night by an outdoor fire, watching the stars pop out of the sky and listening to Steven’s tales of woe from his work this was what Paul was so scared of losing if he came out.
The question he now faced was if gaining Ace was worth sacrificing these moments.
*****
A week later seven visits from Lola, two texts from Tanner, three calls from Erik and absolutely nothing from Paul Ace drove to Steven McDonnell’s open house to take the last of his after photos.