CHAPTER 49
LILY’S POV
~ “Can I ask you something?” I said with a cautiously gentle tone.
“Anything,” he sat on the edge of the bed while holding the empty tray, all his attention focused on me.
“Did you have any kids with your ex-wife and have you ever thought of remarrying?” ~
A forced, dry smile crossed his face and he took a moment as if thinking of what to say. I knew I had put him in an uncomfortable spot with that question and I was starting to regret it. Fuck. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t be asking such personal questions, especially at a time like this. He might believe I was becoming interested in him or worse, what if his past relationship didn’t end so well and I might just be opening up old wounds?
“You know what?” I said, turning to the other side of the bed and adjusting the duvet. “Forget I ever asked that. Thanks again for the meal. Goodnight…”
“No…it’s alright,” His hand reached out to stop me from turning away.
I looked at him, my eyes widening a bit in surprise. “Are you sure you want to talk about it? I don’t want it to feel like I’m forcing you…”
“No, you’re not,” he shook his head and kept the empty food tray on top of the bed.
“My ex-wife, Mirabel and I never had a child. Early in our marriage, we were expecting triplets, but she tragically miscarried. The loss was so devastating the doctor said it damaged her womb and she won’t be able to conceive again. She bled heavily for weeks. It was terrible. It was a miracle she even survived.”
He breathed out heavily, his face falling as if he was reliving the moment. I don’t think I have ever seen him so downcast. I realized how deep the pain was for him. No wonder he never talked about it. It made me regret even more that I had asked. I could have just kept my mouth shut and gone ahead to rest, instead I brought up something that might have left a terrible scar in him.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, my eyes watery with empathy. I can’t imagine the shock of losing a baby, let alone triplets. If it were me, I might just go crazy or worse, die from the emotional impact.
“Don’t be,” he replied with a deep sigh and faint smile. “It wasn’t your fault. If only I had been there in time to get her to the hospital, she might never have miscarried…” His voice was thick with regret as he looked away, unable to meet my gaze.
“What?…” My brows creased sharply as I wondered why he was blaming himself.
“I had taken multiple jobs at that time just so I could save up enough to take care of the babies when they came and also to set up the company. I was barely home even when she was nearing delivery. She begged me to quit a few jobs so I could have enough time to spend with her but I didn’t…Now look what it cost me. It’s my fault our babies died…”
“No, don’t say that,” I quickly got up and closed the gap between us but stayed at arm’s length, hesitating to come any closer. I wondered if he’d let me. “You’re a good man, one of the best I’ve ever met. No good man would let the people he loves suffer even the slightest pain. You were only doing what you thought was best, preparing for the future. That’s life. No matter what, things won’t always turn out the way we want. Bad things are bound to happen, and we can’t question it or do anything to stop it. So please, don’t keep blaming yourself.”
“Thanks,” he uttered.
I smiled in encouragement. Finally summoning the courage, I reached out but cautiously to hold the top of his hand. I massaged gently to further make him feel better, glad I could help just like he helped me.
“Is that the reason she left?” I couldn’t help but ask, vaguely remembering the lengthy divorce text from his wife he had shown me on his phone when we first met at the bar.
That was the first time meeting. Even though I was mean and tried to push him away because of the bad day I’d had, he didn’t give up. He kept smiling, doing his best to start a conversation and lift my spirits. He spoke to me casually about his divorce like he’d known me for ages. It takes a special kind of courage to open up like that to a stranger. That alone made me feel connected to him. It made me know I could trust him. That was the major reason I considered his job offer without giving it a second thought.
“Yes,” he nodded slowly. “I did everything I could to salvage our marriage. I had quit several jobs and literally spent every second of my time with her but the damage has already been done. Mirabel just couldn’t recover from the shock. She blamed me for it all, always venting all that pain and anger on me at the slightest chance. She couldn’t even look me in the eyes again so she just had to walk away. After she sent me that divorce text and papers, she left. Till today I haven’t heard from her. Her family members don’t even talk to me anymore.” A corner of lips curled up wistfully.
He looked at me. “I haven’t thought of remarrying yet because I haven’t healed completely from that injury. When I love someone, I care for them so deeply it could consume them. I’m afraid I might end up hurting them even without knowing.”
My breath hitched slightly in my throat. As I looked at him, I saw the heart-rending tenderness in his gaze. I realized we shared something profoundly painful in common. Both of us were rejected by the love of our lives because of something catastrophic that wasn’t our fault. We were afraid of moving on for fear we might end up hurting our next partner without being aware of it. Perhaps this hinted at something more…