CHAPTER 19
“W…what do you mean she didn’t make it?…” My voice quivered as I tried to keep it steady. My breath was heavy, coming in short quick gasps that hurt my chest.
“S…she’s dead, Lily,” the doctor hesitated before breaking the news with a heavy sigh. “She couldn’t be operated on due to lack of completion of the payment. Her body has been transferred to the morgue. I’m sorry. I did my best. I really did. You need to come now to identify her body and make necessary arrangements…”
The weight of his revelation bore down heavily on me like a ton of rocks, crushing me to a pulp. I didn’t know for how long I stayed mute, feeling an acute sense of loss wash over me.
My mother. My sweet mother…the only family I had left was gone. I won’t get to see her again. This was all my fault. If only I had gathered the payment and made it to the hospital in time, I could have saved her. She’ll still be breathing by now.
Terrible regrets assailed me as hot painful tears burned their way down my cheeks. I felt like the worst person on earth. I felt like dying because I didn’t think I could live with the pain of knowing I was responsible for the death of my own mother. The thought will haunt me forever.
All my life, she and my father had done everything in their power to make sure I lived my best life. Yet I couldn’t return the favour. It was my fault my father committed suicide in the first place. If I were there, I know I would have convinced him not to carry on with the idea. He’ll listen to me because he loves me more than anything else in this world and can’t bear the thought of seeing me sad. I was his little flower, his Lily.
Instead, I came back late that day because I was trying to write a love letter to Robert after school dismissed and sneak it into his locker. But it never worked out because I was too nervous I couldn’t even write a complete sentence. I failed my father and now, I also failed my mother. I couldn’t even grant her wish of giving her a grandchild before she died. The pain of knowing that was like a dagger buried deep in my heart.
The doctor was still on the phone, saying some things that seemed to be important. But I was so distraught I barely paid attention. I didn’t even know when the phone slipped out of my grasp and crashed to the floor. But I acted like nothing happened.
Looking towards the door, I could see it was slightly open. Without thinking of anything, I rushed for it, determined to get out of this horrible place. But the chief detective caught me in time with ease. He wrapped his hands around my stomach and lifted me off the floor. I thrashed around in his hold but it only made him double his effort.
“Let me go!…” I fought with everything in me. “I have to get out of here…I need to go see my mother…Please I need to go…” I cried out in agony, my heart breaking in my chest.
Despite my struggles and pleas, the chief detective wouldn’t let me go. Instead, he carried me like I weighed nothing back to where the table and chair were.
“Calm down, Mrs….” he said empathetically but with a disapproving tone. “This is not the way to go about this. If you continue like this, we will be forced to cuff you or possibly call the medics to sedate you.”
He explained to me how crucial it was to maintain a calm attitude at the police station to avoid escalating the situation. His words sank in, making me realize it was pointless acting the way I was. It will only be to my detriment, adding to my list of offences so I stopped fighting and thrashing.
When he was certain I was calm, he let me down slowly and guided me to sit down which I did quietly. I brought my hands forward on the table and drowned my head in despair. Deep sobs I couldn’t contain racked my inside, making me shake uncontrollably.
“Look at her,” the detective lady spat, her voice dripping with contempt. “Acting like a wild animal. Who would’ve thought someone who claims to be so innocent would behave like this? She’s gradually revealing her murderer traits,” she snorted cruelly.
Lifting my head in her direction, I growled at her. Like an enraged beast, I got up from my seat. I wanted to lunge at her and rip her big mouth apart so she wouldn’t be able to talk again. She wouldn’t understand the pain I was going through because she was wicked, cared about no one but herself and had probably not experienced something like this before. She and those foolish policemen were the reason I didn’t get to visit my mother and gather her payment in time. This was all their fault!
But the chief detective held me down by the shoulder, causing me to sit back down on the chair. He did his best to calm me, reminding me of what he said earlier and telling me not to do anything I would end up regretting later. I listened to him, glaring at the detective lady from the corner of my bloodshot eyes.
“Look at her squirming around like a salted earthworm,” she commented, her lips curled in a mockingly amused sneer as she looked down at me. “Lay your bloody murderer fingers on me and see fire.”
“Get out!” The chief detective commanded with a menacingly cold expression, pointing towards the door. ”
“What?!” Exclaiming in shock, she came closer to where he was. “You can’t kick me out. I’m still in charge of this case.” She protested defiantly.
“Not anymore,” he met her gaze sternly. “I warned you earlier, but you didn’t listen. You never do so I’m officially taking you off the case. I will take over myself or get another detective more competent to handle it. Get out. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
Like a child denied something, she groaned in frustration and angrily made her way to the door.
“Just know that I will be back, and I will make sure you’re punished for your aggressive behaviour. You’re never getting away with any of this, Lily Wilson,” she said, calling my name disrespectfully and pursing an evil smirk before almost slamming the door shut.