Date = 13 April
Place = San Francisco (UCSF Medical center)
POV Aria
Trust.
If you look it up in a dictionary it will probably read something like a firm belief in the reliability of someone. A single word that’s difficult to achieve in either case whether earning it or giving it. And once it’s lost, it’s probably the hardest thing to get back.
Trust. But why is it so hard for me to trust Enrique?
But I know the answer. It’s not really about trusting him, it’s about my own feelings. Feelings I’m not supposed to have.
I lean against the wall just outside the entrance to the cafeteria, taking deep breaths to attempt to restrain my composure before going inside to buy some coffee. Coffee I don’t really need.
Once again I stare at the news Brian made me aware of … photos of Enrique’s arms around Amanda … her head leaning romantically against his shoulder with a big smile. Photos that are shattering Twitter since Amanda posted them with the caption ‘a great morning after a beutifull night’. She even spelled beautiful wrong. But that’s not the point. My heart dives down to my stomach where a wild African party is thundering up again. This time King Julien is breaking those drums.
These were taken some time this morning at the club … ’cause he’s wearing the same clothes. And these last couple of nights he didn’t come home … so does that mean he spent them with her?
I know for a single simple fact that I don’t trust Amanda not at all … but this is about Sport … and me. See … I trust Enrique with my life and my body … but I don’t trust him with my heart. Given the fact that we’re just a fake couple … and with his reputation … makes it really hard to put myself out there. For him to destroy. To trample on. Even if it’s unintentionally. And even if I don’t have any right to be jealous.
Pictures don’t lie … do they? So the problem is not about trusting him … it’s about me getting my heart shattered to pieces.
And now that he’s given up the role to Brian … is he also going to give up the contract? I mean, that was the deal – to help him get the part – and now it’s not valid anymore. So is he going to let me go?
Strong arms encircle me from behind. I immediately know who the owner is and my heart skips a beat. I quickly bury my phone in my pocket … not ready to confront him ’cause I don’t know if I can handle it if the pictures turn out to be real. And I’m the pitiful girlfriend that’s being cheated on. Hell, I’ve read the comments … seems everybody expected this relationship to end in disaster, quicker than it began. Even my followers are sympathizing with me. And those girls are not normally the sympathetic kind.
“Is something wrong?”
“Eh … I was just thinking about this whole thing,” I answer. It’s not a total lie … I was thinking … just not about this whole thing but about the photos. He pulls me closer as if to comfort me. But right now, my heart is breaking, so him being this close to me is not helping.
“I was actually thinking of getting you to agree to a quick … ” Oh shit here it comes. He wants me to agree to end the contract quickly. I struggle from his grip and turn to face him, interrupting whatever he was going to say.
“About the contract?” He gets this bewildered look on his face. Shocked even. He’s going to cancel it, I’m sure. But I push through before I lose my nerve. Me, getting away from him might just be the best thing for my stupid heart. Why did I have to fall for a guy who is so clearly unavailable? Who clearly has a mechanical heart.
“Eh, now that you gave up the role, do you still want to continue with the contract?”
“YES!” he shouts out quickly. He looks guilty … first gazing up at the ceiling and then down at the floor. Sometimes I get this idea that he also might be a little bit invested in this relationship like I am. But it’s stupid, I know.
“I … eh … I still need you,” this time he looks at me – his eyes pleading. Then he wipes his hand over his face. “Look, I’m tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night. Can we talk about this later?” My heart pulls into a painful shriveled blob. He didn’t get much sleep. No two guesses what was keeping him up all night. Or rather who … and the asshole admits it openly, without even blinking a regretful eye.
“Where were you last night?” My heart is beating so fast that I swear it’s going to explode any second now.
“I stayed at the club,” he answers with a confused frown between his eyes.
“Alone?” I can bite my tongue as soon as the word tumbled out, but it’s too late.
“Mostly.” The frown deepens and he scans my face as if to read my thoughts. And what kind of shitty answer is that. Now I’m even in more pain. He pushes my hair back behind my ear, his fingers leaving a trail of electric shocks on my skin.
“Are you going to tell me what the problem is?” he asks calmly. I can’t answer that without sounding like a lovesick jealous bitch … but I also can’t let it go.
“Nothing … just that the contract states you can’t screw around while we are fake together … remember? So next time, just do it more secretively, please.” I hope he would feel bad … like I’m feeling right now. And he mustn’t think that he’s getting any from me again. Having sex with him was a mistake and I won’t go down that road again. I’m not one that can compartmentalize my feelings like him.
He sighs and grabs my arms, holding them softly. The warmth of his hands increases my heartache.
“What are you going on about? Where did I screw around?”
“You just confirmed you were not alone,” my voice breaks into a high-pitched squeak. I’m sure I’m going to cry any moment.
“Eh, so? I can’t see how that gets labeled as cheating exactly?” He looks a little pissed. Did I get it wrong? Or did I touch a nerve?
“Really? You can’t see anything wrong with what you did?” Now I’m getting worked up too. He sweeps his hand over his face again as if he’s trying to keep calm.
“Were you alone last night?” he asks. What has it to do with everything? He knows I was with his sister and Jesse.
“You know I was not.” My voice is cranky.
“So you were cheating too?” He blows the wind out of my sails. Is he really going to throw the blame back at me? I blow up my cheeks, that’s how angry I am right now.
“Aria, I didn’t do anything!” he says harshly, slipping his fingers through his hair.
“Look, today is gonna be a long fucking exhausting day, I’m not in the mood and certainly don’t have the energy for some childish kibble.” Childish … he thinks I’m childish? And what about him? And I suppose he used up all his energy last night. I know all about his exceptional endurance. I feel the tears pushing against my eyes. I need to get away from him.
“Ug, never mind. I’m going to get some coffee.” I try to sound unaffected … which I’m not. “I’ll see you later at the club.”
“Eh … no. That’s what I wanted to come to tell you. Amongst other things,” he hisses the last part silently under his breath, looking rather upset. “I’m going out with the boys,” he tones up his voice, clearly looking uncomfortable. Is he lying to me? Is he going to see her again?
“Oh, where are you going?” He avoids my eyes and stares at the roof.
“The Black Dragon club.” And now I know why he seems so guilty … that’s a strip club. A high-end one … but still. This time my heart shutters. I turn around so he doesn’t notice the tears in my eyes.
“Okay, enjoy!” Sarcasm drips from my words. I don’t know how I managed to say that without a sob.
“Aria, it’s not … eh … we are going to watch … ” he pauses and then sighs. I hear his footsteps getting softer so I turn back to watch him leave with a huge ache in my chest.
‘Watch some naked girls,’ I finish his sentence in my head. At this moment my life has hit rock bottom my sister is deadly sick; I fell in love with a robot; my pregnancy photos are on every front page; I got beaten up because of that made-up baby; now I’m the stupid girl being cheated on and on top of it all there’s Brian and Amanda.
I open my phone and stare at the photos again … as if it will change a thing. Fact is … and I have to accept this if I’m going to survive this contract business; he doesn’t love me … he’s a man-whore … and us is only pretend. A business deal.
“So, what did my lovely brother do this time?” I jolt, almost dropping my phone. Is this whole bloody family clairvoyant or something?
I look at Mel, her arms hooked into her mother-in-law-to-be. With one last sigh, I hand my phone over to them without a word. I don’t have to say anything … the pictures are rather self-explanatory.
“Ooohhhh,” Mel coos, scrolling through the incriminating photos.
“I want to trust your brother, but …” I swallow nervously, “he admitted to not getting enough sleep last night and that he wasn’t alone. I have to face the facts.” A lone tear rolls down my cheek.
“Aria, listen … a while back I was in the exact same situation … and instead of talking to Damion … I ran away … literally … barefoot.” Both she and Haley giggle as if they find it funny. “Not my finest moment, might I add. Point is, I was in hell for a while … and all because of a stupid misunderstanding,” she says scratching her neck.
“But … ” I try to say something, not sure what, and in any case, it’s not as if Mel is going to let me.
“I’m not saying he is innocent … but judging by the expression on his face, he’s not looking very happy.” She hands me the phone and I zoom in on his profile. She’s right … he looks annoyed. I totally missed that. Damn, these people are attentive to small detail. Must be in their genes. Observant DNA.
“Show him the pictures and ask him straightforwardly what it’s about, don’t make stuff up in your head as I did,” she continues and hooks her free arm into mine. “Maybe you’re just understanding it wrong … maybe not … but be 110% sure of your facts before jumping to any conclusions. If anything, I’ve learned that the hard way. AND … this comes from Amanda … need I say more?”
“Mel’s right … never fill in the blanks in your head … you will most certainly get it wrong. Trust me … I’ve been married 22 years and I still get it wrong. Men just don’t think like we do. But communication is the key to a successful relationship,” Haley says giving me a warm smile. “And like I’ve told Mel before … always trust your heart, not your mind or your body.”
Yeah, the problem is my heart is scared shitless. My body is betraying me. My mind is not working straight.
“But what if I ask him … he could just lie about it … isn’t that what every man does in this situation?” I mean no man cheating on his partner would just openly admit it, would they?
“Let me reveal one little secret about my brothers,” Mel winks at me, ” They don’t naturally lie. No matter how much trouble they get into. Me … I would spin a narrative so fast your brain would pop … but my brothers … not so much. It didn’t keep them from talking their way out of stuff, though.”
“Seriously?” I can’t believe it. Doesn’t everybody make up stories … especially when you’re a kid?
“Yep,” she pulls out and pops the p. “But that said … you also won’t get the whole truth out of them if they don’t want it … it’s difficult to explain. It’s as if they’re more terrified of getting caught lying than anything else, so mostly they just keep quiet and say nothing. Getting stuff from my brothers is like pulling teeth from a chicken … highly unlikely.”
To say I’m flabbergastedly shocked is an understatement. I’m bowled out for a moment.
“Yeah, my brothers have strange habits … you’ll come to see that.”
“Strange how?”
“Ug, I don’t know … like … you know they have this thing for spiders as if they’re scared of it, but I don’t think that’s actually true. Jackson had this HUGE pet tarantula … Trainer was her name … weird name … maybe it had something to do with Meghan Trainor … but I don’t think she even sang back then … and my brothers are not into her that much …” she shakes her head, “Anyway … they would take turns to let the dingus run all over their bodies.” Okay, that is strange I guess. A chill runs down my spine just thinking about it.
“And each night before they went to sleep, they would bundle into one room, switch off the lights and sit in total utter darkness, without talking to each other. They would not make a sound.” Odd.
“They also trained furiously to hold their breaths underwater … even timed each other. And they used to hit each other in the stomach a lot … and so on and so on. I don’t know … maybe it’s something all boys do … but it seemed strange to me.”
“But the most uncanny unreal thing was that Jackson would get into fights,” she says with a frown. I would say that’s rather normal for him actually, but I keep my mouth shut and let her continue.
“And then he would force himself to stare at his own blood. Sometimes he would throw up, other times nothing happened.” Okay, that’s not normal at all. I would even call it bizarre. Wacky. But I’m not gonna tell her that I think that brother of hers is mental. I’m sure she knows that already.
“Ug, don’t think I’ll ever understand that species,” I say truthfully. Although my brother never did that. Maybe because he doesn’t have a brother. Or maybe his brain is not screwed up like the Blackburn foursome.
“But let’s get behind this dilemma of yours.” Mel takes her phone from her pocket and dials someone. She puts it on speaker.
“Hey, just answer yes or no. Is Enrique with you?” I guess she’s talking to Damion.
“Yes.” He sounds confused.
“Great, I need you to hit him at the back of his head … HARD!”
“Why?” even more confused.
“Just do it!” There’s a thud sound and you can hear Enrique cursing in the background. Damion explains that Mel asked him to do that. Enrique asks if he does everything his sister says. Damion does not answer. Mel smiles creepily.
“Okay, now I need you to find out who he was with last night … and why there’s a photo of him hugging that Amanda bitch this morning on her Instagram?”
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” He asks unsure.
“I don’t want to talk to him right now. And if you don’t want to sit with a serious case of blue-balls for the next month, I propose you WhatsApp that info to me in the next hour. Else the rooster’s playtime privileges with the pussy will be unconditionally revoked.” I gasp. I would never be able to say something like that … especially not in front of the dude’s mother. But Haley just sits there with a huge smile … as if she’s proud of her little daughter-in-law-to-be.
“NO!” he cusses, “Please, angel. That’s harsh,” he pleads.
I feel a little sorry for Damion. Poor guy just returned and probably is already sexually frustrated as it is … and now this.
“Well, you know what to do, Reaper.” She hangs up with a sinister smile.
Needless to say … the message comes through in less than five minutes.
Mel reads it out loud.
Damion: He was with Jackson. Amanda hugged him out of the blue this morning. Jackson was there and so were Brian, Graham, and Chloe. One of them must have taken the pictures. The rooster is all cropped up and ready to burst. I demand a playdate asap.
Mel replies with a huge smile. This girl got it so bad. And they’re so cute together it makes my heart hurt. Why can’t I have that? With Enrique.
“You see, you almost turned your world upside down for nothing,” Haley says softly, giving my shoulder a squeeze. Yeah, maybe I should learn to trust Sport a little more. But it’s not easy when I don’t know exactly how he feels. Sometimes I think he feels something for me … or maybe it’s just in my head … hope.
“Ug, Chloe,” Mel groans, “Sorry beanie, you can’t hear this.” She holds her hands at the sides of her tummy “Stupid fucking bitch.” Did she just close her baby’s ‘ears’ to not let him hear? Wow. I burp out a giggle. Mel realizes what she did and gives me a discomfited smile.
“So can we have a girls’ movie night at your place, mom,” Mel asks sweetly, giving Haley her angelic smile, “I told Damion to just stay over with one of the boys.”
“What about the rooster’s playdate?” I tease and she giggles.
“Oh, I promised him that tomorrow he can do whatever he wants with me … as much as he wants for as long as he wants. It was a deal breaker.”
“Don’t you have a problem with him going to a strip club?” I ask weary, not sure if she knows where they’re going.
“Oh sister, they’re not going there for the girls, don’t worry,” she snickers.
“What?”
“They go there to get rid of their frustration. It’s one of those peculiar things I was talking about.” She scrunches her nose.
“Frustration? Like having sex?” That’s even worse than just watching.
Mel bursts out laughing and Haley packs a huge smile.
“Oh, Aria, doll, you have to stop making things up in your head. It’s not healthy.” I look at the ground. I know it’s a bad habit, but it’s just that in my life I’ve started to think about the worst before it happens. Because it’s gonna happen sooner or later. And if I already expect it, it takes a little bit of the sting from the top. It’s my protective mechanism. I guess like Sport cast his heart in steel.
“Coping mechanism,” she winks at me, “Don’t worry, I’ll help you with that.” How do they do that? How do they always know what I’m thinking? I look at Haley. Does she also have superpowers? One day when this family rips off their clothes to expose some latex suits underneath I would not be surprised at all.
“Look, I’ve known all these guys for years now and they might be players and horny hounds, but they’ve never been into strip shows and hookers. An occasional bunny here, a groupie there, a fan or two in the tub … but not hoes.”
“Bunny?” Never heard of people calling girls bunnies.
“Puck-bunnies … don’t you know anything?” she snorts. “Girls that want to fuck professional hockey players. You do know that the black thingy they shoot into the goal is called a puck?” I nod. I’ve learned that from Lee.
“Well, PUCK,” she swings her left hand in a feminine gay flick so the palm shows up, “BUNNY,” then she does the same thing with her right hand.
I squeeze my temple … I’m a little overwhelmed with all the information and right now I have a serious headache.
“Nope, they won’t see any vajayjays, trust me,” Mel is pulling me towards the exit, “Black Dragon is not just a strip club, but also an MMA club. The guys regularly blow off some steam there. And this time, they’re going to keep their two drunk brothers from doing something stupid.”
“Drunk brothers?”
“Eh, Logan and Jackson. They’re both moody today, so they will be drinking … A LOT.” I was so preoccupied with all these pictures and Brian and stuff I didn’t even notice.
“Logan I understand … but what the fuck’s wrong with Jackson is a mystery. Enrique thinks it has something to do with Lee … ” Mel talks as if with herself using funny hand gestures. She does it a lot. I’m used to it by now.
“Lee?” Haley seems just as confused as me, “Why would he be grumpy because of him? Do you think he doesn’t like the little guy?”
“Well, they do fight a lot … but I like that Lee stands up against my crazy brother. He’s got guts I give him that. Maybe Jackson is just not used to someone getting into his face for once.” Yeah, Lee is a real little blatant spitfire. Even more than Mel. Personally, I like him.
I ponder about this. Maybe … or maybe it’s something else. And nothing to do with Lee. With Jackson, you’ll never know. He’s like the epitome of secrets. He and his best bud Axel.
“Let’s go pick up the kids so Noah can join the guys. And then we seriously need to buy some snacks and food … I’m starving,” Mel groans.
“Aren’t you supposed to stay here overnight?” I just realized that we’re heading for the exit.
“No, Ilkay kicked me out because I was faking. Talk about brotherly love.”
I smile … one good thing about hitting rock bottom … you can only go up. And up for me means I have to start fighting for the things I hold dear. And Mel is one of those things. A real friend. A truly appreciated one. My PB and J sandwich partner. Another of those things is her robotic brother.