Date = 1 April
Place = San Francisco (UCSF Medical center)
POV Enrique
“They both have hypothermia …,” Ilkay starts to update us, but I only hear a word here and there, “bradycardia … their small size … Aria stabilized but Luke is still critical … moved to PICU … on hemodialysis machines to warm the blood … had to cut her hand from his PFD … damage tendons … brave girl … lucky to be alive …”
I don’t care about all the medical gibberish, all I worry about is that she’ll be okay, so my focus is on the girl whose cold hand is laying limp and uninspired in mine. They’re using different measures to gradually raise her core temperature. Aria somehow managed to stay awake up to the end and cling to Luke with so much force that some tendons in her hand were strained. But she didn’t let him go, she kept them together.
I run my free hand through my hair; sticky from the salty ocean spray and then I lay my head down on the bed and close my eyes. Maybe I drifted to sleep maybe not. My eyes shoot open.
“Sport?” Am I dreaming? I slowly lift my head and then I stare straight into some green eyes. A faint smile forms on her lips and I want to take her in my arms and cradle her with all my might but I don’t. Distance.
“Hey, how do you feel?” I ask instead, cringing the sheets of the hospital bed in my hands. She jumps up, her face filled with worry.
“Luke? Where’s Luke?” she asks frantically looking around.
“He’s in ICU,” I push her back and wait for her to calm down, careful not to pull out the IV in her arm.
“You saved him … even hurt your hand to do it,” she looks at her bandaged hand with a frown.
“I can’t remember much … I just knew I had to cling to him and not let go … it was freezing.” A soft sob rips from her chest through her nose.
“I was so scared … ” Tears form in her eyes and roll softly over her cheeks. I get up and sit on the bed next to her, wiping them away with my thumbs, holding her head in my hands, my heart crying with her.
“Sport,” then all her walls crumble as she grabs me around my neck, scrunching my shirt collar with her free hand. I hold her tight to my chest and let her cry uncontrollably on my shoulder. Fuck the distance. I slowly move my hand up and down her back to try and comfort her, while stuffing my nose in her hair to comfort me.
“Aria!” Leyla runs into the room, followed by Noah and Jesse. I let Aria go so she can hug her loved ones. She quickly wipes the tears and snot from her face and I must be crazy or still in shock, cause I find it incredibly cute and sexy. How the fuck can mucus be anything other than revolting? Yep, I’m going insane.
“I’ll go get some coffee,” I mumble walking out of the room, in serious need of some fresh air.
“Get a grip, Enrique Blackburn!” I scold myself inwardly, “What the fuck are you doing? This whole thing is fake … like you. It’s just a game and she’s just playing her part. She’ll never love a robot so just get over it. You don’t deserve to be loved by a girl like her. And ultimately, she’ll get bored with you and leave and you will stay behind with all the pain.”
I notice some of the staff looking at me oddly and I realize I’ve been talking out loud. I pour myself a cup of coffee from the nook in the hallway, sit down in the nearest chair, and resume my chat with myself this time in my thoughts.
So what is this girl doing to me? Why do I get paralyzed whenever she enters the room? Each time I see her I break down in sweat and gasp for air; as if I’m having a stroke or something. Is this what love is? I shake my head, hoping to get rid of the little voice dragging me down the wrong path.
I can’t fall in love … I won’t. I just need to put my defenses back up … yes, Aria is tearing them down one by one and I feel completely vulnerable … open … exposed … fragile. I mean, I’ve never had an issue before … I always just took what I wanted, playing girls like a puppet master. But this time it’s different; as if the roles are reversed.
I can’t think what would happen if I put what I’m feeling out on a line … there’s no way. For some or other reason my family has been cursed I mean just look at everything that happens to us it’s just not normal. And look what almost happened to her because of me … because I dragged her into my hellhole of a life. She deserves so much more. I’m not good for her, I’ll never be good for her. And anyway … I don’t need these shitty feelings in my life. This girl makes me so nervous that I’m even scared just to be around her!
How fucked up is that? But just the thought of losing her burns up in my lungs like I’m breathing fire as if I’m dropped in hell and gonna burst out in flames. Nope, I’ll rather be numb, hiding behind my walls so as not to get burned, so I have to cover up – make sure not to show this weakness to anybody, especially her. I’ll just push her away and pretend to be the robot she believes I am, and then all this will go away and I’ll be myself again.
I down the already cold coffee with determination, knowing now what I must do. I need to keep my distance.
“Enrique!” Brian’s voice is the last thing I want to hear right now stretching my already splitting nerves but I put on a fake smile and get up to look him in the eyes.