Ava
Anger does not even begin to cover the synonyms of emotions that coursed through my veins when I woke up the next morning.
Alone.
Nikolai was nowhere to be found, and after a few disgruntled attempts at reaching for him on his side of the bed, I realised the horrible truth. I’d been abandoned.
His sheets were cold, and I realised he’d probably been gone for hours, maybe even long, before I woke up, and in his place lingered only the faintest trace of cinnamon on the sheets.
A pang of disappointment surged through me, sharp and aching. How could he leave? I wasn’t familiar with the terms of one-night stands, but I’m pretty sure leaving your wife in bed after giving her not one, not two, but three mind-blowing orgasms was filed under the cabinet of dickery.
He could’ve at least waited until I woke up before pulling the rug from under my feet.
I’d pushed myself out of bed thirty minutes later, determined to find my husband and give him a piece of my mind but he was nowhere to be found.
Apparently, no one had seen him leave, not even Kira.
I spent my morning feeling hurt, embarrassed, confused and very pissed off. I was pissed at Nikolai for his thoughtless disappearing act and I was pissed at myself for letting my husband’s obvious indifference to what happened between us get to me the way it did.
When my anger subsided, I realized two very important things.
First, I’d fingered myself in front of my husband and let him taste me.
Second I didn’t feel guilty about anything that happened last night.
I didn’t feel guilty about letting things go as far as it did between Nikolai and I. If anything I wished I’d been courageous enough to take things a step further. I mean how sick is that? I was ready to forget that this man was a very willing participant in the inevitable demise of my own father. A man I’ve known my entire life whereas my husband had only been in my life for less than two months.
I wish I could say this bothered me but it didn’t, apparently nothing did the moment Nikolai had his mouth on my …
“Did something happen between you and Nikola last night?” Kat’s voice cuts through my clouded maze, and I force my gaze away from the puffy clouds floating outside the aeroplane window and turn it towards a very concerned-looking Kat.
“What?” I blink, hoping my inability to construct a sentence beyond one word isn’t a dead giveaway to the wave of emotions fluttering inside my chest.
“I asked if anything happened between you and my cousin last night?”
“What makes you think something happened between us?”
Kat raises a perfectly sculpted brow, giving me her best, do you think I am stupid look. I suppose if anyone would be able to sense the weird tension between me and my husband it would be his cousin. Releasing a sigh, I tip my head back against my seat, the cool leather pressing into the back of my neck.
My fear of flying is far from cured but I find that this particular flight is far more easier to get through than the last. Apparently, unchecked rage is a good distraction from paralysing terror.
Who would’ve guessed that all I needed to get over my Aerophobia was a good ol’ healthy dose of suppressed anger? Definitely not me, that’s for sure.
“Other than the fact that my cousin hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you since you boarded the plane, I’d say you’re awfully quiet for someone who most definitely got fucked last night”
My brows shoot up and heat rises to my cheeks at her bluntness. Unlike me, Kat has no problem openly discussing these sort of things, no matter the company. I whip my head to my six-year-old stepdaughter sitting opposite us. Her dark curly hair frames her face, bouncing from side to side as she happily swings her feet under the seat eyes focused on the tablet in her hand and completely oblivious to the conversation happening a few feet away from her.
Luckily, her headphones are in which means she most likely didn’t hear Kat’s comment.
Thank Goodness.
The last thing I need is to add one more thing to the growing list of scaring things I’m somehow responsible for and Kira has to learn to deal with or face when she’s older.
I tighten my grip around the armrest of my seat, flashing a warning look at Kat who only shrugs in response.
“We didn’t,” I pause, leaning in conspiratorially and lowering my voice, “Sleep together”
“But something did happen between the two of you?”
Kat takes my silence as the only answer she needs.
Her eyes widen, but before she can say whatever thing she has formulating in her mind, I rush out, “Yes, but it wasn’t like that”
“Then how was it?”
Warmth spreads across my chest, a deep flush creeping up my neck “We… we didn’t go all the way.”
A second passes, her lips form an O, as the realization of the gravity of my confession settles between us. Loud yet silent.
Kat leans in closer, and I get a whiff of warm vanilla at her sudden proximity. “How far did you go then?”
Embarrassment clogs my throat but I swallow it down because I need someone to talk to. Sinking further into my seat, I let out a groan, “We kissed” I admit, “And he sort of, well, he kind of, went down on me”
I peek in her direction, waiting for her reaction, but her expression is one of mixed surprise and odd calmness, “You mean he ate your pussy?”
I groan once more, gripping the armrests tighter with one hand while sinking deeper into my seat, pressing my face into my other palm.
“Why do you have to say it like that?”I mutter, my voice muffled by my hand. Nikolai and Ivan are only seated a few feet away from us, and considering Kat’s complete lack of volume control, there’s every probability that they might’ve heard her, especially Nikolai.
Kat giggles at my side, clearly finding amusement in my reaction.
“I had a feeling something like this would happen. I mean, you both did leave Tatiana’s wedding pretty early and when Nikolai texted me and asked if we could take Kira for the night, I had a feeling you two were up to something.” Kat leans back in her seat, her eyes gleaming as she watches me squirm. “I just didn’t expect it to be this”
She turns to face me, her sapphire gaze accessing my features, “So how was it?”
I lift a brow, “Are you seriously asking me how it felt to be eaten out by my husband, your cousin?” I ask, my voice incredulous.
Kat shrugs, “Nikolai hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off you since we got on the plane and you haven’t been able to stop thinking about it so I’m assuming it must’ve been at least decent”
“I haven’t been..” She gives me a pointed look, effectively shutting me up.
Okay, so maybe I have been thinking about it but it wasn’t for the reason she thought. After I came the first time, Nikolai proceeded to make me come three more times, and when he tried to coax the fourth orgasm out of me, I passed out. I wanted to do something for him the way he had for me, but I’d been so tired and spent from the orgasms he wrung from me like waves crashing relentlessly against the shore, leaving me so utterly wrecked I’d passed out.
I thought I’d have the opportunity to at least thank him for last night, but he was gone before I even woke up; plus, there was the fact that I hadn’t felt guilty for it happening even though I knew it shouldn’t have.
I knew what happened between us last night would change things. I expected it, too, but what I hadn’t expected was to wake up to an empty bed and for Nikolai to already be at the airport when we arrived.
Nikolai and I hadn’t said a word to each other since we boarded his private jet but like Kat mentioned, I’d felt his gaze steadily boring a hole into the back of my neck.
To be honest, I thought I’d be the one avoiding him after last night but being the one avoided made me feel strangely terrible. Like last night had just been one huge lapse in the earth’s orbit.
My stomach tightens at the thought.
Nikolai hadn’t shown disgust or refrain like I’d expected him to when I told him I was a virgin. He’d held my gaze after my confession, his expression one of curiosity and quiet excitement.
He looked so pleased with himself, and when he kissed me, I thought I might melt right then and then.
I’d always been hesitant to tell anyone about my lack of inexperience after the last guy I kissed in high school called me a prude for refusing to let him touch my boob but with Nikolai, I felt like he had a right to know.
Maybe my being a virgin had been more off-putting than he initially let on.
I inwardly groan. Why did I even tell him? I wanted to be honest with him, not scare him off.
“I told him I was a virgin” I blurt out. Kat gives me a questioning look so I continue, “I thought if told him then we’d be on the same page, and he’ll understand why I wanted to wait but now I think I might’ve scared him off”
“You didn’t scare him off”
“He was gone this morning before I woke up. Maybe he realised that I gave in too easily,” My throat tightens, “Oh God, Maybe he thinks I’m easy”
Humiliation burns in my chest, and I want to crawl into a hole and scream.
“Or maybe you’re overthinking things without talking to him first.”
I scoff, running a hand through my hair. Yeah, talking, because that worked out so well for me the last time I tried to talk to him. An unwanted shiver dances along my spine at the memory of our last conversation in the kitchen.
“Communication, Ava.” Kat continues forcing me to look at her, “Communication is important for every relationship. It’s how Ivan and I have managed to stay so happy for so long. I tell him what he did wrong and he tells me all the ways he intends to fix it.” she smiles to herself as if she just remembered something funny, “Well, that and mind-blowing sex we have after but since you and Nikolai haven’t burned that bridge yet, we’ll stick to the communication aspect.”
“So you think I should talk to him about what last night meant for us?”
She places a comforting hand over mine, “I’m saying that instead of coming up with explanations and letting your imagination run free, you should talk to him.”
“What if I don’t want to talk to him”
I hate to admit it but a part of me is scared that my imagination might become reality. What if last night wasn’t as memorable for Nikolai as it was for me?
The man had given me more orgasms in one night than I’d gotten in my entire life. It was nice, better than nice, and hearing him say he didn’t share the same sentiment would crush me more than I cared to admit.
“You’re going to have to have this conversation sooner or later Ava. Why put it off longer than it needs to be?”