Ava
I’m so fucking stupid.
Blood pounds in my ears as my encounter with Faina just moments ago replays over and over in my mind like an endless loop.
Tonight I was determined to avoid my husband. Stay away. That was the plan. But apparently plans mean nothing when I let my emotions get in the way.
Seeing him with Faina had awakened something inside me. It’s one thing to know that they both shared something in the past but it’s another to see them so close together.
Jealousy claws at my chest, sharp and unrelenting like a knife, twisting until I can’t breathe. I hate this. I hate that I care when I know I shouldn’t.
Throughout the ceremony, I pretended not to notice his heavy gaze watching me. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to avoid him; I could always feel him watching me, and for some reason, knowing he wasn’t too far away made my heart thump faster in my chest in a way that infuriated me.
Images of the way Faina looked up at him flashed in my mind. They’d been so close; his lips were barely a hair’s breadth away from hers.
I was never in love with her.
That was what he told me the night he picked me up from the station, and like a fool, I’d believed him.
What happened to wanting us to play the part of a happy couple? I admitted I hadn’t made it easy on him tonight but that still didn’t give him the right to let another woman touch him like that.
“Solnyshko, wait”
Nikolai’s voice slices through the air, snapping me out of my thoughts. His heavy footsteps echo on the marble floor behind me,
“I don’t want to speak to you Nikolai”
“At least let me explain. It isn’t what you think.”
I stop and turn to face him. He looks like he’s been running after me for miles; his face is flushed with frustration, and his eyes are filled with an emotion that makes my chest tighten.
“There’s nothing to explain. I get it. The two of you have history. It makes sense that the two of you might want to rekindle it. But here? Really?” I take a step towards him, anger filling my veins. “You were the one who told me how important this wedding was. You were the one that wanted us to play the happy couple. Tell me, Nikolai, what part of letting another woman touch you while your wife is just a few feet away, in a hall full of people screams happy couple to you?”
“She came on to me,” He says like it’s supposed to mean something.
“I don’t care. You weren’t supposed to let her get so close”
“Solnyshko -”
I don’t wait for him to respond before I whip around and continue my descent down the hall.
Tatiana’s wedding venue is huge. A sprawling estate with high ceilings, glittering chandeliers, and hallways that seem to stretch endlessly.
When I first stepped into the estate, I was immediately taken by the amount of detail put into the decor. Everything about it screamed old money and power.
I never wanted to leave but now I find the endless hallways a drag. The place feels suffocating as if the walls are closing in on me. I walk faster, my heels clicking sharply against the floor. Nikolai isn’t far behind. His footsteps echo behind me, relentless, like a haunting drumbeat.
What part of I don’t want to talk to him doesn’t he understand?
My feet are killing me. I knew I shouldn’t have gone with this pair of black strappy heels but they were the only thing that seemed to go with my dress.
I want to leave but I can’t exactly remember how to get out of the building. I’m pretty sure the exit is this way, but when I don’t see the sign of any familiar markings, I quickly realise I might’ve taken a wrong turn. Luckily, a door is close by and I reach for it without so much as a second thought.
I dart towards the door, my fingers gripping the handle as I try to slam it shut behind me but before the door can fully close, Nikolai’s foot blocks it.
Universe, I’m going to be real with you, you’re to really piss me off.
“I told you to leave me alone”, I snap, trying to push the door close, but it doesn’t work because, with one swift motion, Nikolai shoves the door open, stepping into the dimly lit area.
“Not until you talk to me Solnyshko”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I saw the way you were looking at her what more do we need to talk about”
His jaw tightens, and for a moment, he says nothing. Then, in a voice that’s barely above a whisper, he mutters, “At least give me a chance to explain Solnyshko”
“Like I said I get it. You don’t have to…”
He takes a step closer, “Yes, I do.” He runs a hand down his face, “She came onto me, Solnyshko. I’m telling you the truth. I told her to get her hands off me but she refused and said she wanted us to get back together.”
A knot tightens in my chest, “Did you agree?”
He looks at me like he can’t believe I even asked that, “Of course not Solnyshko. I’m married to you, What kind of man do you think I am?”
I let out an exasperated breath, “I don’t know. That’s the thing, Nikolai, I don’t know anything about you”
“That is a lie. You know I want you”
A shiver runs down my spine at his confession, “Do you?” I ask, crossing my hand over my chest, “Because if you did, you wouldn’t have let another woman touch you?”
“How many times do I have to say it, she came on to me”
“Doesn’t mean you didn’t let her?” I say my voice trembling with frustration, “You could’ve pushed her off you anytime but you didn’t”
Nikolai takes a step towards me, his face hardening and I take a step back, gasping when my butt hits a surface. It’s only then my eyes flicker around the room we’re in.
It’s a library, with books lined up on each shelf that seems to stretch all the way to the ceiling. The smell of expensive cigars mingles with that of aged paper and leather. A faint trace of lemon polish lingers in the air which must be what makes the hardwood floor gleam under the single lightbulb above it.
Nikolai seizes the opportunity, planting both hands on either side of me, effectively caging me whilst simultaneously towering over my frame.
I sometimes forget how big he is. My husband is tall, and it takes me a few tries, but I’m finally able to meet his gaze.
“And what about you Solnyshko?”
My eyes narrow at him, “What about me?”
“I saw you tonight with Boris. You two looked awfully close. Care to explain what that’s about”
Boris just so happens to be the nice man who I’d been paired up with during the walk down the aisle. At first, I was hesitant to speak with him, but then again, who wouldn’t be, the man was scary looking, and with all that scars on his face, I was pretty sure he was in the same line of business Nikolai was in; therefore, I’d labelled him a jackass.
I’d been wrong, of course, and while I was busy avoiding Nikolai, we’d made small talk and quickly got to know each other. Yes, I admit that he’d been a little touchy but I’m about 99. 9 percent sure that he wasn’t interested in me in that way.
“He’s a friend,” I reply not bothering to explain further.
“I bet. You both looked pretty friendly tonight”
Irritation flares in my chest, “What are you implying?”
He dips his head down close to my face, and I shudder when his lips brush against the shell of my ear. My heart slams in my chest as tingles spread all over my skin.
“What I am implying Solnyshko, is that I do not appreciate other men touching my wife”
“Well I don’t appreciate other women touching my husband”
A ghost of a smile touches his lips and he brings a hand up to my face to brush away a loose strand, tucking it behind my ear.
“Now that is something both of us can agree on.” He pulls away slightly, his eyes searching my face and then he drops his forehead against mine. “You have nothing to worry about Solnyshko. I can never want another woman’s touch. You’re the only woman I want to touch me, day and night, you’re all I think about.” His voice drops lower, “You’re my enemy’s daughter, and I want you; I need you. I fucking crave you Solnyshko. It fucking pisses me off that you cannot see that. You call every time we kiss a mistake while I see it as one step closer to getting what I want.”
I swallow, my lips parting, “And what do you want?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
His eyes travel down my lips and something dark flashes in his eyes. “Isn’t it obvious?” He asks and I shake my head. He angles my face towards me, his green eyes locking with mine as his thumb circles my jaw before moving to my lips, where he brushes the corner of my mouth.
“I want to kiss you Solnyshko. I want to fuck you. I want you needy and panting beneath me. I want to claim every part of you until there’s no doubt in your mind who you belong to.”
I swallow hard, my heart racing as the space between us shrinks. His thumb lingers at the corner of my mouth as he watches me, waiting for my response.
“I can’t give you what you’re asking for” I whisper, my voice trembling despite my attempt to sound defiant.
His brows knit together, “Why not?”
“Because it’s wrong, for God’s sake, you want to kill my father. Our entire relationship is built on lies and secrets and that is something I do not want for myself. I want to be able to trust my husband and not worry if he’s trying to use me to satisfy his sick vendetta.
He presses closer to me and I gasp when I feel his hardness against my stomach. My breath hitches in my throat as I try to keep myself from rubbing my legs together. “I may be a lot of things, Solnyshko but I am not a liar. I cannot promise that in the course of our marriage, I won’t try to use you to take down your father, but what I can promise is that I will never hurt you, at least not intentionally.”
His words are low and steady and the sincerity that bleeds through them disarm me momentarily.
Why can’t he see that itself is hurting me?
“This isn’t how I want things to be”
“I know,”
He leans closer and every resolve I thought I had dissolves into nothingness when he cups my hip with his hand. He squeezes gently, his thumb tracing the curve of my waist. My pulse spikes and his lips hover just above mine.
“But it’s what it is and we can either deal with it or avoid it.”
I vote for avoiding it.
His gaze drops low and my lips part when he brushes his thumb along my bottom lip. His touch is light, teasing, almost non-existent, but it goes straight to my core.
“We can’t”, I mutter, but I make no move to pull away from his grasp. “Someone could come in”
If I listen past the beating pulse in my ear, I can still hear the voices of some of the guests filtering through the hallway. The room we are in isn’t exactly hidden and it’ll only take one wrong turn for someone to open the door and find us like this.
Nikolai arches a brow, his grip tightens around my waist and heat pools in my lower belly, “I don’t give a fuck. I want to kiss my wife, so can I?
My body stills. The other times we’ve kissed he’d never once asked for my permission. I didn’t mind, though, but I can’t deny that there’s something so goddamn hot about hearing a man like Nikolai ask for permission to kiss me.
I should say no. I should pull away and remind myself how dreadfully wrong it’ll be for me to kiss him right here.
I open my mouth to say the words but my tongue seems to be lacking the proper coordination.
“We really shouldn’t”
“You’re right.” His hand moves to my hair, sinking into the strands as his fingers curl possessively around the nape of my neck, “But I want to. Let me, please”
The air crackles between us with so much tension it’s hard to ignore the pulsing between my legs.
I swallow, my voice barely above a whisper when I reply with a, “Yes”
Nikolai groans softly, angling my face towards as he growls “Fucking finally”