AVA
Nikolai’s lips are excruciatingly soft and not at all like what I expected them to feel like. When I tugged him down to my lips earlier I fully intended for the kiss he had requested to be just that. A kiss.
I never imagined that this would happen. This wasn’t just a kiss. It was earth-shattering, mind-numbing and nothing at all like the kiss we shared at the altar.
Whereas that kiss was for show, this one was to show me who exactly I belonged to. And my God did it show me.
The feeling of his lips against mine hits me with such intensity that my first response is to pull away. I bring my hands to his chest, fully intending to do just that, but when he nips at my bottom lip and then swipes his tongue against the sting to soothe the ache, lust fills my veins, flashing through me like hot bolts of lightning.
Nikolai grasped my throat in his hand, holding me firmly against his body as he devoured my mouth with one stroke of his tongue at a time. Tingles spread across my skin and a small whimper crawls up my throat as my fingers knot tightly around the fabric of his shirt.
My head spins. I can’t breathe. I want more.
I tug his bottom lip between my teeth and He hisses against my lips, kissing me harder.
Heat pools in my belly, spreading down my body like a slow burning fire until it settles in the spot between my legs.
Nikolai kissed like he probably fucked. Hard and dirty and with no regard for the other person involved. He takes and takes until there is nothing left for me to give and I am struggling to breathe. He kisses me until I am a whimpering mess against him and all I want to do is get as humanly close to him as possible.
He walks us backwards until my back hits a solid surface. A wall I presume. He pins me there as he presses his thigh firmly between my legs and I moan at the sensation of his thigh pressed firmly against me.
I sway towards him as his hands circle my body, gripping my waist, tracing my hips, and squeezing a handful of my ass before they settle at the back of my thigh and he hooks a leg around his waist.
I feel him harden against me, and I instinctively roll my hips against his growing arousal. A loud moan rips out of me at the pressure, and he kisses me even deeper than before as if he wants to swallow every sound that escapes my throat.
My experience with kissing is limited, to say the least. There was Tommy from middle school, who kissed me because he was dared to do so by a group of girls who thought it would be funny. Then there was Dean from summer camp, who I kissed because I thought he was cute. Unlike me, who struggled to keep up with the intensity of the moment, Nikolai kisses me with practised confidence, every movement calculated and sure, and it makes me wonder just how many women he has kissed to get this good.
I bet he thinks I am a terrible kisser compared to them.
As if he could sense the endless nerves slowly creeping inside my head, Nikolai moves a hand to my hair, gripping the end of my ponytail. He wraps the length around his fist, once then twice, tightening his hold around it before he tugs my head back, ripping our lips apart.
I yelp but it quickly melts into a moan as he tilts my head to the side, exposing my neck to his wet tongue.
Nikolai nips and sucks on the tender flesh of my throat, leaving a trail of heat that has me gasping until I am dizzy with the pleasure of it all. His mouth trails along my collarbone, each kiss and bite searing into my skin, and I’m lost in the rhythm, unable to think, barely able to breathe.
“You taste so fucking good, baby”, he groans roughly, “So fucking good,” and then he drags his arousal against my centre, forcing me to feel every inch of him. Fuck, he was big. Like really big. I’m talking Antarctic blue whale big.
“Feel what you do to me, Solnyshko” he growls roughly against the sensitive planes of my neck. I feel his teeth graze my neck, and a ragged breath escapes me. “You drive me crazy, every time I see you, I can’t fucking think straight. Is this what you want? For me to lose my goddamn mind.”
I bite my lower lip, shaking my head as my eyes roll back behind my head against the pleasure. The sensation of his hard length pressing against me, combined with the gruffness of his words, is too much for me to bear.
My heart… my heart is out of control, slamming violently against my ribcage, becoming crazy with want.
My leg starts to slip from around his waist and a rough sound vibrates through the solid breadth of his chest as he moves his hand quickly to the back of my thigh, hooking it around him once more. I sink my fingers into his hair, tugging lightly at the black curls that sit at the nape of his. The strands feel soft against my fingertips, and Nikolai groans harshly as he moves a hand up my skin, under my top, stopping just below my breast, and my heart drops between our bodies.
My brain tries to formulate a hundred and one reasons why this is a bad idea, why allowing him to kiss me and touch me the way he’s doing now will only end in disaster.
I had a plan when I came in. It was simple: ask him for a cell phone so that I could call my best friend and tell her that I was okay, and if he refused to give me what I asked for cry.
It was simple. So simple but yet it failed. I was now watching my plan slowly disintegrate and take on a new form in the shape of Nikolai’s hand cupping my breast.
He squeezes my right breast in his hand, a tortured sound escaping him, as he flicks his thumb over my taut nipple. He mutters something incoherent in Russian, but before I can ask him what it means, a sharp knock resonates through the air.
The two of us freeze, neither one of us wanting to be the first to pull away. The knock sounds again, and Nikolai lets out a string of colourful cuss words as he snatches his hand away from under my shirt and helps me untangle my leg from around his waist.
“Stay”, he orders softly, but it’s still an order. I nod and wrap my hands around my body, suddenly feeling cold in the absence of his body pressed against mine.
I watch as Nikolai makes his way over to the door and wrenches it open with such force that it surprises me that the door remains on its hinges.
“Luchshe by eto bylo khorosho” (This better be good) he growls, his voice low and annoyed
On the other side of the door is one of Nikolai’s guards. A brown haired, young man who I’ve seen loitering around the estate maybe once or twice. He seems to be no older than eighteen, and I can’t help but wonder what must have gone wrong in his life for him to end up working for a psychopath like Nikolai.
A psychopath I had just let kiss me.
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. Not only did I allow my husband to kiss me and practically dry-humped him against the wall, but I also enjoyed it-and worse, I wanted it to happen again.
This was so wrong. So fucked up on so many levels. What kind of person kisses a man who forced her into marriage and wants to kill her father and enjoys it? Certainly not a sane person that’s for sure.
Guilt and shame twisted at my chest. I should feel repulsed, not tempted but yet I don’t. I push my hands through my hair, trying to clear my thoughts. I had to remind myself who he really was-Nikolai was a murderer. A killer and a man who has made it his life’s mission to end my father.
This attraction I felt towards him shouldn’t even exist in the first place. I feel sick to my stomach. I press my palm against my cheek feeling heat rise to my face.
My fingers shook with the action as I reminded myself of all the reasons this was wrong. He wants to kill my father. He can never love me. He is a murderer.
When Nikolai returns I’m physically shaking, trembling as my mind tries to regain even a semblance of composure.
“Hey, Hey, Hey,” Nikolai soothes, gently cupping my face in his hands, “Shhh, It’s okay, yeah? It’s okay.” He smooths my hair back from my face, tilting my chin so I can meet his piercing green gaze.
But it’s not okay. It’s not.
I didn’t even realize that I was crying until I felt a warm teardrop slide down my chin. Nikolai uses his thumb to brush the wetness away, his brows pinching together in concern.
“Nenavizhu, kogda ty plachesh’, moye malen’koye solnyshko.” (I hate it when you cry, my little sun) he says in russian, his voice low and soothing as he continues to wipe away the tears streaming down my face.
“This was a mistake” I breathe, the weight of the words almost too hard to bear.
“Kissing you can never be a mistake,” he says, voice low and intense. His eyes search mine, looking for some sort of agreement to his words within them but finding none.
“Well, it is to me”, I snap, my words sharp enough to cut glass. I pull away from him, needing space to exist between us.
“This can never happen again. Do you understand me, Nikolai? Never again. My God, I hate you and you hate me.”
His expression hardens, and he steps back, his hands falling to his sides, severing the contact between us completely. “I’ve never said I hated you, Ava,” he replies, his jaw clenched, the muscles in his face taut with restraint.
“Well, you should”, I retort, my voice rising as I gesture between the two of us, “Because this can never happen again. You’re trying to kill my father for goodness sake. What makes you think that anything that just happened right now is okay?”
I take a step back from him and he watches me as I rebuild the walls that previously stood between us when I stepped into his office.
“Fine.” he says, “Run away. That’s all you Blackwood’s know how to do after all isn’t it?”
My eyes widen, shock creeping in. Oh, he did not just say that.
“Well, I would much rather be a runner than a murderer.” I snap back and In an instant, he’s on me, closing the distance and pinning me against the wall until I’m forced to meet his eyes. Anger burns in his gaze, a fire that threatens to consume us both, and for a fleeting moment, I can’t tell whether he wants to hit me or kiss me again. My heart races as I brace myself for whatever his decision might be.
“You have no idea” he growls, voice laced with disdain. “You have no idea the things I’ve been through because of him. Your father, the man you think is innocent of all the crimes laid at his feet, is the reason for my daughter’s nightmares. He is the reason that I do not have a brother and Kira no longer has a father.”
I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off, “You think all of this is a choice?” he barks, his voice low, almost unrecognizable and dripping with venom. “Your father took everything from me. He took the one person I could rely on and robbed my niece from having a father figure in her life that isn’t as messed up as I am and you stand there and look at me like I’m the villain. Like I’m the one who is wrong for simply wanting revenge.”.
But it isn’t him wanting revenge that is the problem. it’s how he wants it.
I swallow, feeling the weight of his words settle on top of my chest. “I-” I open my mouth then close it. What am I even going to say? Sorry that my father’s fucked up actions landed you without a brother and Kira without her father? No, nothing I could say could erase the venom behind how he was looking at me.
I can’t pretend not to understand his hatred towards my father. It would be foolish of me to even try.
Nikolai has every right to want my father dead just as much as I have every right to hate him for it.
“Save it” Nikola snaps, stepping away from me. He turns his back, striding over to his desk and I watch him drop into the confines of the leather seat. He drags his gaze towards me and I feel my heart drop in my chest at the coldness I find inside them.
“You can leave.” he says
“But-”
“Don’t worry I’ll keep my end of the bargain. You’ve already paid for it after all. Now leave.”
I hesitate for a moment and then with a nod, I pivot on my heels and exit his office.