I smell him before I taste him. The intoxicating scent of his cologne engulfs me. Then, his lips touch mine and they still taste the same as the first day I kissed him. A part of me wants to enjoy this moment, get lost in it, but another just wants my answer. Not thinking, I let my body decide. My hands instantly go around Beau’s neck as his arms wrap around my waist. My entire body melts into his as his alluring taste fills my mouth. Beau deepens the kiss, and I let him. His hand goes under my shirt and roams all over my back. Every single place he touches burns for more. I resist the urge to moan.
Beau pulls away after what seems like forever and places his forehead against mine while we both try to catch our breath.
“I love you, Cher, and I am going to make you fall in love with me again,” Beau says, still out of breath, with great determination in his voice.
I look at him, confused. I’m not sure my ears are functioning well today. Did he just say those words to me? I take a step away from him and shake my head, thinking maybe I’ve lost my hearing.
“Delilah, is everything okay?” Beau asks, placing his hand on mine.
“Yes, everything is fine,” I say, moving my hand away from his. It’s probably not a good idea to have his hands around me after what he just said. I can’t believe he said those words. Does he actually mean it? It’s been seven years since we last saw each other-let’s even not mention why. Is it possible that he’s telling the truth? The look in his eyes says that he is, but what makes now different from before? He had the same sincere look then, and I ended up in tears a few months after he told me.
“Delilah,” Beau calls, his voice raised. I look at him, confused as to why he is shouting. “You almost walked on broken glass.”
I look down and see my foot is only an inch away from a piece of glass. “Oh, thank you.” I step away from the broken shards.
“What’s on your mind? You look worried about something.” Beau asks, making me face him. He pulls me closer and wraps his arms securely around me.
“No, nothing is on my mind. Why would you think something is on my mind?” I reply, avoiding eye contact. How can he ask me that? He just told me he loves me after seven years apart. Of course, something is on my mind, Beau.
“I know, my confession must have shocked you, but you shouldn’t be surprised, Delilah. What other reason would I be here meddling in your affairs?”
“I don’t know; maybe you came to check if you had successfully destroyed my life when you broke my heart.”
“Mon amour, I am sorry for what I did. If I could go back in time, I would do it again, but I am sorry for the pain it caused you.” Beau places his palm on my face. I gaze into his eyes, and for a moment, I wish he didn’t have as much sincerity in them because I can’t believe he means his words.
I move my face away from his as tears begin to fill my eyes. How could he say he would do it again? Does he hate me that much? I don’t understand. How can he claim he loves me but then tell me he would break my heart for the second time? Once I’m sure I won’t cry, I look at him again, glaring with bloodshot eyes. I want to make sure he sees my hatred for him, because it is the only thing he will ever make me feel for him. I am never going to fall for him again-never.
“I hate you,” I say, venom dripping as I speak.
Beau is not surprised by my words, he shows no emotion. His hand reaches for me, but I move away before he can touch me. I pick up my handbag from the sink and leave the bathroom. But I don’t just walk out of the bathroom. I walk through his bedroom and then out the front door. I don’t even turn back to check if he’s following me. I don’t care .
My legs give out the second I step into the elevator. I hug my knees to my chest as a big wail rips out of me. I hate you, Beau Williams; I hate you. I scream into the elevator walls. My heart feels like it has been ripped apart. I can’t believe I was starting to fall for such a monster again. I can’t believe I let him touch my body-and that I actually enjoyed it. Feelings of self-disgust consume me. I bury my face in my knees as more tears fall. Why can’t I be free of this man, God? It’s been seven years, I’ve had seven good years without him, and he still brings me to my knees like this? Don’t I deserve a happy life? Please tell me why you are punishing me, God? I don’t understand. I just want to be happy. Happy and free of the pain Beau Williams causes me. Why can’t I have that, God? Why?