Vicente’s POV
The door swings open just as I am about to leave Kyra’s office in anger. I have been sitting here for God knows how long.
“Mr. Alberto, sorry to keep you waiting. Your call was impromptu,” she replies as she shuts the door and takes her seat quickly, fishing out a notepad and a pen.
“I am not here for any counseling, Kyra,” I voice out, annoyance etched in my tone.
A tense atmosphere hangs in the air as she glances up at me.
I haven’t seen Annette since the day I left her at the hotel and came back home. I know she is home already because Luca provides me with information every hour.
But it is killing.
It upsets me.
I can’t seem to control my anger. The anger I have been feeling myself for telling her how I feel. It makes me feel silly and pathetic.
And I feel so upset with Kyra too.
If she hadn’t told me I was in love with Annette, perhaps all of these wouldn’t have happened and Ann and I would still act the way we do to each other.
Normal.
Civil.
The moment Kyra told me I was in love with her, just because I was able to get some sleep while sleeping next to her, I thought differently of Ann.
The whole thing has messed with my head.
And nothing seems to help. Not even getting myself busy with work or pretending nothing happened and I am completely fine and back to how I used to be.
I can’t even bring myself to pick up her calls. Everything irks me so bad and I found myself jumping into the car and coming here instead of heading home.
I don’t go home by this time anymore. It’s just 8 pm but I usually stay in the office till it is 12 before heading home. This is to avoid crossing paths with Ann, even though I am dying to see her.
To talk to her.
To see her laugh like she used to.
“Is everything ok?” She mutters, waving a hand in the air to grab my attention.
“No!” I reply with all honesty. Nothing is okay. Everything has been a mess since I told Ann I liked her. “I never had a problem until you mentioned I like her.”
Confusion settles on her face. “What do you mean?”
I adjust in my seat, loosening my tie and gritting my teeth. As much as I want to keep calm, I can’t help but feel the rage bubbling inside of me each minute I think over everything.
Starting from my conversation with Kyra.
“Annette,” I respond, her name sounding so strange in my mouth. I also want to avoid calling her name. Realizing Kyra doesn’t know her by name, I complete. “My wife.”
Reality dawns on her. “Oh, what happened?”
“You told me I was in love with her but that isn’t true!” My tone is harsh but I can’t help it. Kyra must already be used to that. Whenever I am here, I am so upset with my situation and I am always in a hurry to leave.
But this time, I am going nowhere without getting an answer. An answer to why she told me I was in love with Annette when I wasn’t.
This isn’t love. It must be something else. I don’t feel love. I don’t do love. I can’t continue to be vulnerable like I currently am.
There has to be a solution.
“I still don’t understand what this is all about. Are you saying you don’t love her?” She questions slowly, staring intently at me. I nod. “Why do you think you aren’t in love with her?”
For a moment, I want to tell her Annette and I didn’t get married because we wanted to. For a moment, I want to tell her everything so she can see what I mean when I said this isn’t love.
“Our marriage isn’t based on love, Kyra. It’s a convenient marriage so I don’t love her.” My tone is a bit down.
She nods in understanding. “Does falling in love with each other complicate things between you then?”
I nod.
She smiles. “Why do you think you are not in love with her then? Did something happen between you two?”
I shut my eyes as I ball my hands into a fist. “Kyra, I am not in love with her, right?”
What I want is assurance that I am not. Or perhaps, a reason not to fall for her.
She falls silent, watching me carefully before asking. “How do you feel, Vicente?”
For the first time in years, she calls me by my name. I have always called her by her first name but this is the first time she is doing this.
“If I know, do you think I would be here? You have to answer all my questions or I will stop patronizing you!”
“Calm down,” she smiles again, signaling to me to relax. “We can figure this out together, ok? How do you feel?”
I don’t reply to her and I don’t intend to until she gives me answers. Genuine and reasonable one.
“Aside from the fact that you always sleep well next to her, do you feel happy when she is near you?”
I turn to face her.
Of course, I do.
Just the thought of her being in my house makes me happy. Reason why I can’t imagine what I will do if she decides to leave.
Reason why I always insist on driving her to the academy. Reason why I accompanied her on that trip.
I feel happy whenever she is near. Whenever we converse. Just seeing her alone makes me glad.
Gingerly, I nod.
“Do you feel angry whenever someone badmouths her?”
Of course, I do. When Fernando told me he suspected her to be a spy, I was mad at him. I didn’t call him for days until he apologized.
When he told me what others will think of her when they get to know she has a connection with the Silicone Mafia, I was upset at first but after a while, I decided not letting anyone know was the best.
I couldn’t withstand what they would think of her or what they would do to her if anyone aside Fernando knew.
Even my mother is not an exception.
I nod again, avoiding her gaze.
“Do you feel annoyed whenever you expect to see her and she doesn’t show up?”
When Luca told me she was back, I thought she was going to call me immediately or come to the office so we could talk but she didn’t.
It made me more mad at myself.
I thought she would feel bad about what happened but apparently, she doesn’t and it makes me realize what Fernando is saying this time might be true.
Annette might never love me.
Love?
“Do you still feel the heart palpitations? Especially when she is near you? When she suddenly appears?”
I nod.
I do. I still feel so.
“Do you feel the need to see her every hour of the day, especially when she is absent for so long? In short, do you miss her absence?”
She holds up her pen, expecting my answer as I stare absentmindedly.
I miss her like crazy. It’s silly but I can’t deny it.
Even though I am avoiding her, I miss her and want to see her so desperately.
Kyra notes it down and sighs. “Then it’s settled. I believe you wouldn’t feel this way for someone you don’t have feelings for. These are signs of you in love with your wife, Vicente.”
I’m in love with her.
I love Annette.
“Do not hold back. If you know what you feel is real, then let it out. Follow your heart.”
“What if I do that and I get a rejection?”
She blinks. “Were you rejected?”
At this point, I am on the verge of bolting upright and making for the door. I haven’t felt so silly in my entire life.
“No. Yes. Not exactly. She didn’t say anything. I can’t even tell if it’s a yes or a no.” I reply, staring down. When she doesn’t say a word, I look up again with desperation. “What do I need to do, Kyra? What do I need to do to stop this feeling? What do I need to do to stop feeling this way?”
“How do you feel?”
“Miserable. I hate this. And I dread her leaving.”
“Did you tell her you loved her?” She asks, reminding me of how I blurted out that I liked her. And how I mentioned it at the hotel because I felt upset seeing her smile at Mark that way when she hadn’t given me a response yet.
“Yes. No. I told her I liked her.”
She raises a brow. “You like her? Or do you love her?”
Suddenly, it dawns on me. Annette was so enraged when I reminded her I told her I liked her. She told me she liked me too with so much anger.
Suddenly, it hits.
“Does dreading her absence mean I love her?”
“I see you’ve realized your mistake. I think she feels the same but her expectation fell below…”
“I need to tell her I love her instead?” I shoot to my feet instantly, cutting her short.
Kyra nods intermittently, her smile widening. For the first time in years, I feel extremely grateful to Kyra. I feel this is the first time she has helped me with her counseling session.
Without a word, I make for the door.
“Do what your heart tells you, Vince. Don’t hold back!”
She shouts after me but I am already out of the door.