“Lead the way, my ladies, and I will happily follow.” Kai bent down to scoop Yue up, hoisting her into his arms to nestle her comfortably. Kai glanced Meilei’s way with a soft smile. His eyes scanned how lovely she looked today, with the sun coloring the apples of her cheeks and nose so that freckles formed. It gave him that same pang of longing that he could never shift whenever she was near him, and he had to swallow it down. He paused as his cell vibrated in his back pocket for the fifth time in the last hour and ignored it. Gritting his teeth in mild annoyance and tried not to let it show.
Anna had been texting and calling obsessively since morning. Getting extreme as the day wore on, yet he had nothing to say to her. He had not replied nor read them, and he had no intention of answering the calls or picking up the voicemails. They were a closed book. A chapter of his life that was over, and she had been told repeatedly by him and Tian to let it go when Minhui first let her know about her flight and new position in HQ. She had managed to drag it out for almost three weeks before relenting.
He knew Minhui had booked her a flight back to the USA for tonight, and today was D-day. She tried her hardest to talk Kai around, see him, or beg for reconciliation, but he wasn’t interested. He realized that he had tolerated Anna all these years, not because of a real affection or genuine friendship but because his family had forced her his way. He had been so blind-sighted and caught in zombielike obedience for five years that he never questioned why he still allowed himself to be tied to her. With the cutting of ties to Yanhue and his parents, his need to be nice to Anna died rapidly. They were not friends; he felt guilt and responsibility for her but nothing more.
His world was standing before him now, and he was not about to make any more mistakes, as far as she was concerned. Anna was a stone between them; the sooner she was out of his life, the better.
“There is a good one with shaded seating on the north side.” Meilei ignored the odd expression that suddenly swept over Kai’s face. A hint of tension and a dip in his good mood, but it was so fleeting she thought she imagined it. He seemed to hold still for a second, tightening his posture, and then let it go with a heavy breath.
“Kai swiveled his head, leaning past Yue to see where Meilei was pointing. He paused, seeing something that had him take a second look.
A man nearby, dressed in black and formal, seemed so out of place in a family park in this heat already, but the familiarity had stopped him. He was sure he had spotted him earlier, looking their way and focused on the short, stocky build. Trying mentally to recall if he was the same guy and if he knew him. Noting he was alone as before and did not seem to have any kids with him.
Ordinarily, Kai would think nothing of a businessman taking a stroll in the park at lunch. Still, there was something about his nearby lingering earlier, and now Kai was re-evaluating him. He was holding his cell in one hand as though he had been using it and was shiftily side-eyeing Kai at his obvious interest before slowly turning away. He had felt Kai checking him out, and Kai knew he was probably making him uneasy with his terminator-like honed-in gaze. Kai shook it off, telling himself he was paranoid because of recent events with his family, and guided Meilei with a gentle arm around her shoulder away from him.
“Come on then. My stomach is crying for a burger.” Kai was oblivious to how Meilei’s face froze and her sudden erratic heart tempo at his contact. Her body hit high alert as adrenaline spiked, and she choked on her saliva.
He wasn’t thinking about how intimate and coupley this manner of lassoing her so cozily in his arm was. He was too busy looking at the weird guy, fully turning his back on them, kicking at the dust like he was killing time, to notice Meilei was minorly panicking.
“I know the way. I’ll lead.” Meilei deflected, stepping out of his arm and holding her arms by her side to not press her palms to her burning cheeks and draw attention to it. His sudden maneuver, touch, and nearness did crazy things to her body. Caught between all-out panic and a warm, oozy butterfly cascade, she hurried in front and walked briskly.
“Yes, I’m hot and sweaty and need some iced drinks.” She mumbled, deflecting and caught the way Kai finally clicked on her reaction.
He frowned, mentally slapping himself for being so thoughtless. Sometimes, he was so caught up in how normal and easy it was being around her now that he forgot that touching, being too close was a big No. All he wanted was to be close to her, and he had to pull himself back anytime he picked up Yue or dropped her off on weekends.
“Me too. It’s a nice day, but damn, it’s hot as hell now the sun is at its high point. We should get some shade and then some ice cream after lunch.” Kai smoothed over, distracting Yue while Meilei fanned her face and awkwardly stumbled over nothing, full nervousness on show, yet he found it oddly adorable. The her of the past was someone who easily got flustered and embarrassed around him in their early dating days, and this reminded him of that sweet, shy girl a little too much.
It was a painful reminder of what he had lost and a hopeful sign that maybe Meilei was not completely immune to his presence. Her shyness and evasive behavior signaled a slight hint that she might still have some lingering feeling under her layers of fear and avoidance and that if he nurtured it slowly and proved himself, she would eventually open up to him again.
They walked in amicable silence as Yuelin nestled her head under his chin and against his throat, relaxing fully as she curled up, and he wondered what baby Yue had been like. Holding her like this, he could not imagine how tiny she must have been at one point. She had grown an inch in height even since he had met her.
The thought sent a pang of ache through his chest and a sense of heavy guilt that he had lost all those precious memories and time with them because of his stupidity. He wanted to know what she was like back then. A newborn, a toddler, a little bundle of joy taking her first steps, words, and foods. Things any father should have been there for. He had missed so many major things he could never get back, no matter how much time he spent with her now, and it hurt more than he could express. He longed to go through that process, to go back and see what Meilei looked like carrying his baby, but then he was hit with a second blow of regret.
Pregnant, struggling, and lonely, Meilei having to carry on and graduate and worry about finding ways to support a baby as a single mom. The thought made him instantly nauseous.
Watching her now, quietly strolling a few steps ahead, gazing at the sights around them and relaxing in the serenity of distant children laughing and the low hum of the busy place, he knew she would have had the worst time pregnant. Back then, she had been a young, often nieve, and far too sweet soul. She was never someone who was strong enough to face hardship or cause waves, but those were the things about her that made him love her and want to shield her. Her vulnerability and quiet nature. They had brought out a need in him to protect and adore her.
She had been left, hurt, wronged, broken-hearted, and then her gran passed away. The one constant in her life who had been there to lean on. He knew how much she had loved and depended on that woman, so the thought of her dealing with that simultaneously caused him immense regret.
He should have been there for her.
She was struggling with life and everything they threw at her, and then she found out she was pregnant. Was probably terrified, as any young girl would have been.
He should have been there.
The one to pick her up and take care of her. Accommodate her cravings and her needs. It bothered him knowing that she had done it alone, and even though she had her two friends, it didn’t make up for what he would or should have given her.
The guy to curl up and rub her aching muscles at night. Helped her dress, eased her worry. Let her stay home without any money worries and focus on their baby instead of dragging herself through school and an internship. He couldn’t even imagine the hell that would have been. He would have driven out at god knows what time every night to pick up whatever food her body yearned for without a single complaint. He would have done it all and pampered and catered to her every whim like she was a queen. To him, she was. Back then and again now.
The fact she had done it alone, then raised their little girl for five years, would always be a huge scar on his soul. A massive pointer to how he failed her and Yuelin and caused him unforgivable shame.
“Daddy, why is your thump thump getting fast?” Yuelin lifted a drowsy face, obviously dozing as he carried her and pressed her tiny pointer finger at his chest, prodding right over his heart. He had no idea it had even started racing.
He smiled at her, softened his expression, hoping to translate he was fine, they were fine, and exhaled slowly as she turned back to continue walking on. He wished she would wait for him to pace beside her, but he got the feeling she wanted a little space right now, and he could wait.
Meilei turned away, wondering what was really wrong. If something was stressing him out or if Yuelin was imagining it. She tossed it out of her head, choosing not to ponder or read into it, and pushed on to the food area so they could eat.
Meilei helped Yue wipe her face with the napkins as she finished the last bite of burger, aware of Kai’s adoring gaze on them across the table and tried to ignore it. Throughout lunch and sitting face to face, she had become overly aware of his wandering, gentle eyes on her anytime she drew attention with conversation. Although it was not wholly unlikeable, it made her uneasy. He was too charismatic and handsome not to feel something when intently focused on you as a person. Listening to you and paying intense attention, you felt like the only human in his world. He made you feel heard, seen, and somehow special.
He had always been that way when they were together. Full undivided attention and a way of making her feel loved and secure. She had never known insecurity with him or felt like she had to gain his attention. She saw it with Yue now that he had not changed how he showered her with boundless love, never distracted from giving her full focus when she needed it. Meilei was no longer used to it, and Kai was too dangerous for her heart. He seemed to get comfier each week, aiming it her way, too, not just at Yue.
“We should get going and walk off the cheeseburgers. Yue ate her weight in ground beef, and we might have to roll her.” She tried for humor and patted Yue’s belly, which looked a little bloated.
“If you guys are done, you should wash up and use the ladies’ room. I’ll do the same and meet you at the door.” Kai would not keep pondering this and wanted his girls safely out of the way while he looked closer at their tag-along companion. This had all his alarm bells going off, and with a family like his, he could never be too paranoid. It had been peaceful and too quiet these past weeks.
“Yes, come on, tiny. I have our toothbrushes in my bag. You know the rule about eating out. We brush up and wash up to take care of our teeth.” Meilei slid out of the booth to lead Yue with her and nodded Kai’s way before hooking onto her child’s hand and smoothly navigating her into the aisle and towards the bathrooms at the far end. Kai watched them go. Staying calm and poised, and smiled their way because Yuelin looked back as they got to the doors. He didn’t want them to know anything was wrong and ruining this day. It had been perfect so far. He felt he was connecting with Meilei like he had not done in years, and they didn’t need this to cloud over them.
As soon as they were out of sight, he got up and turned, heading towards the man in the booth, and then scraped his boot to a sudden halt as he realized the booth was empty. In the time the girls had taken to leave, he had up and gone, and it took the wind out of his sails a little.