That girl fitted what he knew now as truth. They had steamrolled over her like an insignificant insect.
Memories of Meilei flashed through his mind. Tearing him up, seeing her crying that day at the funeral while she begged him to believe her, as he listened to her words rather than seeing the screen again. His vision was blurry with emotion, and he could barely swallow.
His breathing grew heavier as he watched again, consumed by her and that memory as he heard the truth. His grip tightened, and he had to bite on his lower lip to try and curb the intensity of his pain. His heart burned and twisted as bile rose in his throat, and light-headed invaded. Regret, remorse, and guilt collided in one overwhelming, chaotic clench of his organs.
A large lump rose swiftly in his throat, making him choke and gag. His guts spliced, and he jumped from the couch in wide-eyed panic. His stomach was in a mode of upchuck, and he darted to the kitchenette before throwing his breakfast up in the sink. It was instant and violent, and he coughed while trying to clear his airway from what was choking him.
It was an extreme stress reaction to something akin to witnessing a traumatic event. Except for him, it was the un-witnessing of something traumatic and having the story retold in its brutal honesty. Kai’s head was spinning. He felt like he couldn’t catch his breath, and as Tian raced beside him to help him at the sink, Qian fetched a glass of water from the jug and brought it over.
They were shocked by his physical reaction, even though both knew it was probably expected. This wasn’t some minor forgotten thing from his past. He loved this girl enough to want to marry her, and his own family destroyed her for it. This was five years of agony for Kai because he had never moved on from her or what had happened. Five years of directing his hatred and hurt her way, even to the point of exacting revenge on her the second they met again. Making her life hell just because he could.
The thought of their first weeks in OTS and how he treated her made the bile rise with ferocity a second time, and Kai ducked his head back into the sink to wretch up the scrapings of his stomach.
“Are you okay?” Tian had never seen Kai have a vomit reaction to something before and could tell by his wavering posture he was having a hard time keeping his legs under him. Tian grabbed his shoulders and yanked him against his chest to help him. Guilt consumed him that he should have prepared him better for this, maybe discussed Ling’s account and his suspicions when he was given the statements, although he didn’t think the outcome would have changed. Kai needed to see San and Meilei say it.
San had owed him that explanation.
His best friend, his lifelong companion, had grown like a brother, and he had dodged Kai and left him a shitty letter. One adding to the betrayal of it all.
“I need a minute.” Kai spluttered; his vision was blurry with black spots as both heat and cold ran through him simultaneously, and he rested his head against the edge of the counter. Qian leaned in and rinsed away the evidence of his upchuck. Swallowing the burning contents back, unsteady due to the horrific nature of throwing up that way. He was shaking all over and knew this was more akin to shock than anything.
Meilei had never done anything wrong.
She had loved him. Really loved him.
Trusted him.
He couldn’t stop repeating it in his head. Tearing himself apart, he replayed the last time he had seen her back then. Throwing her out of Yuelin’s funeral like a cold, hateful bastard and leaving her crying in the rain that way. Hurt by him.
Meilei had always been a gentle and soft soul. His overwhelming need to protect her had made him fall so hard from the second he met her, yet he forgot all that so quickly.
He didn’t deserve to live.
He couldn’t think. He couldn’t even catch his breath properly, yet every part of his body twisted up in aching agony, and he felt like something was standing on his abdomen. He was sweating, his hands clammy, as a sense of dread and torturous stinging ran through his chest.
“Dude.” Tian grabbed for him but only caught Kai’s jacket, which offered nothing. Both men ended up on the floor, Tian kneeling to support him as Kai hunched forward into his lap and cradled his head in his hands.
Qian darted forward and sat down on the floor beside him cross-legged. Placing a glass of water between them as the tense silence stretched out. Seeing this reaction, his heart bleeding for his obvious distress, Qian was pained, yet he didn’t regret showing him. The truth had to be told.
“This can’t be happening.” Kai finally breathed the words out, sniffing as tears rolled down his cheeks and his throat burned. Instant fatigue at feeling so raw and messed up, and even though he wasn’t crying, he couldn’t stop them from dripping down his nose and chin onto his dark pants. Silent rivulets of despair found their way down his face of their own accord.
His brokenhearted grief consumed him so that he couldn’t separate logic and pain.
The guarded, emotional mess he had met since he returned wasn’t manipulating him at all. She was struggling to navigate his invasion of her now safe life, knowing he had once devastated it. She was trying to safeguard Yue from what his family could do to them, and he felt even sicker at the thought. All this time, Meilei had been afraid of them causing her more pain and devastation. And he had honed in on her and weaponized anything he could to wound her further.
“He’s still here?” Kai latched onto that one point while still unable to process what he had watched and heard. His brain tried to fight through disbelief and denial, even if his physical reactions contradicted them.
“Take me there.” Kai pushed himself up, wiped his face with the back of his hand, and had to take slow, long breaths to pull himself back together. His limbs were weak, and he was unsteady on them, but he wouldn’t let that son of a bitch leave without a face-to-face. Kai’s heart was pounding, and his head was full of flashbacks of Meilei, back then, now, that night, the funeral. A messy flicker of a screwed-up timeline, yet she was all he could think of.
What he had done to her.
What San had done to her.
Tian rose slowly and patted Kai’s jacket to help straighten him up before tugging him towards him so they were inches apart. Almost nose to nose, Tian’s steady, commanding calm infiltrated the air.
“If we go there, don’t go too far. You want answers, not a murder charge.”
Tian knew that Kai was in the first stages of shock and processing, and by the time they got to the hotel, Kai would probably have a completely different frame of mind. He was always hot-tempered and a competent fighter. Right now, his brain was playing catchup, and this was not some minor thing he was just pissy over. This was a huge trauma and scar on his heart and the realization the woman he had loved more than life had been ground down to dust by them. Tian knew without a doubt Kai would probably use his fists first and ask questions after.