Kai walked in just seconds after her, relief flooding him when he saw Meilei leaning over her sleeping daughter and came forward to check on her, too. The doctor had assured him Yuelin was fine and this was a normal childhood virus.
“Is she okay?” he kept his voice low and impulsively leaned in, mimicking exactly what Meilei had done without knowing it. He stroked back her hair, bent down, kissed her on the temple, then adjusted her sheets to tuck her in as Meilei watched him. She was in a dreamy state now, as her reality blurred with lack of sleep and the euphoria of returning to Yue.
The feeling of being hit by a truck. Lightheaded and exhausted. Emotionally wound up and scatterbrained. Her limbs were weak, like she might fall over at any minute.
“Why didn’t you call me and tell me she was sick? I would have come then.” Kai pulled over the clipboard of notes on the end of the bed to read what they had written and flicked through the pages as Meilei stared at him. Watching how effortlessly he slid in and took control. He had never changed, and she hated that it still brought up a sense of security even when she disliked him this much.
Kai stopped reading mid-sentence, the words hitting him in the heart in a stinging pain and raised his eyes to her. Meilei wasn’t looking at him, but the bitterness in her tone was evident. He could sense her hostility was still bubbling under the surface.
“Faith? In your love? Don’t make me laugh.” Tiredness brought it out of her, and she cursed herself for the vicious and bitter statement. Turning her face away from him to hide the sudden wash of tears that came to her eyes, she pushed away from the bed to get a little air and paced to the bedside cabinet to pour herself water to calm down. He was too close and affecting her when she felt this vulnerable. She had never been good at keeping herself in check when washed with fatigue.
“What’s that supposed to mean? My love?” Kai, too, stepped away from the bed, keeping his voice in a hushed rasp, and followed her. Impulsive mood taking over even though he had told himself not to bite at anything she said, but this hit a nerve.
“What did I do exactly?” Kai’s tone deepened, and a surge of irritation shone through. Irritated that despite jumping to action, racing right here, and fixing this en route, she was still pissed at him.
It made Meilei’s temper rise.
“You?” Meilei turned to him with a snort, anger flashing and raw from so many things. Raising her voice despite Yuelin’s presence.
How helpless this family had made her feel tonight, just like five years ago. Banging on dark doors and silent walls as though her voice was nothing but a whisper in the wind and no one would listen. They had thrown her into a world of pain and worthlessness, leaving her unable to fight out of her predicament. It mirrored tonight.
Kai was momentarily silenced. Her words somehow hit a deep nerve, yet instead of instant rage and hatred consuming him as they had done before, something inside him throbbed with a pang of heaviness. There were so many things back then he had done in anger and devastation that he regretted, but it had been justified even if he felt shame for treating a woman he once loved that way.
His heart was pounding in his chest, and his lungs were tight as he stared at her, torn between what she was saying and how it made him feel.
He opened his mouth, searching for some response, but was interrupted.
“It’s okay, baby. Mommy wasn’t shouting. She’s just tired and forgot to whisper so as not to wake you. It’s still night. Go back to sleep.” Meilei reverted to her calm and cheerful voice, wiping her eyes, and quickly moved to Yuelin’s side to coax her back to sleep. Putting on a play-act for her benefit. Trying to drag it all back in and wishing she hadn’t said a word.
Kai’s mind was whirring and clicking, and his emotions conflicted. It wasn’t that he believed any of the words coming from her mouth, yet the genuine haunting of pain and rawness in what she said had silenced him. It was how she said it that had gotten to him.
Kai shut down at the reminder, his emotions and brain refusing to be pulled by her. Shaking it out of his mind’s eye, he smoothly turned towards the bed despite his erratic breathing. He didn’t want to stay and do this and knew he should go sit somewhere else for the remainder of the night. He and Meilei alone like this wouldn’t do him any good. There was too much he could say about the past, and she seemed to be hung up on fighting about it.
Meilei clenched her jaw, tried to cool her instant ‘No’ response, and clutched Yuelin’s hand again, unwrapping it from her hair and ignoring Kai.
“Shhh, baby.” She stroked her face until her breathing evened out and began to slip back to slumber before Kai finally let go of Yuelin’s other hand. Satisfied she had fallen deep once more.
An impulsive need in Meilei made her talk. Maybe it was because she felt it had to be said after all these years. It was the first time she had been given the chance to say it to him calmly.
Kai hesitated to leave, paused momentarily, straightened up, and walked out. Anger rose, and yet something else came with it. Her words flashed through his head, and he remembered the issue with her police statement like a tiny fragment of plausibility. Confused and battling his mind lately when it came to her, he wondered if this was why his mother had insisted he leave. Then and now. Maybe she knew he would be worn down and coxed by her again, and he was being dumb.
He hesitated momentarily as he closed the door slowly, seeing her through the crack. She was leaning down on the metal bed arm to support her weight, staring at Yuelin with unconcealed sadness and fierce protectiveness. He watched her mask slip a little when she was alone, unaware of his watching. Her face softened, and she looked incredibly young and afraid. Not at all the fierce woman who faced him earlier but more of the girl he had once been compelled to protect. Sheer sorrow and genuine loneliness crossed her eyes, her body slumped, and she seemed to show true exhaustion from head to toe. A silent tear rolled down her cheek as she watched Yue closely, and she stroked back her hair in the gentlest manner.
It made Kai feel heavier and less at peace. Churning in his chest.
Looking at how vulnerable she looked now, remembering how she had always seemed so incapable of facing harshness, he had a moment of doubt.
“Mr. Xuchen.” The woman’s voice startled him from focusing on his cell, and he stood quickly, greeting the young doctor before him. She was dressed in green scrubs and a lab coat, her hair in a sleek ponytail, and she had a youthful kindness to her face, yet he recognized her immediately. She was the doctor on the day of the DNA swab – Yuelin’s godmother.
He nodded, getting up to greet her with respect.