Ivan’s POV: HIDDEN FEARS
TW: Mention of S/A & Past Trauma.
Done with Harry and we were headed back home. I kept thinking of ways I could ruin Harry without it affecting Sophia. Well, I think I already have a plan, I just need to be patient.
“Are you really giving him everything he wants?” Sid asks from beside me in the backseat of the car.
“Yes.”
“Cuz, you can’t be serious. I know you, you have to have a plan or something,” he pointed out.
I side-eye him for a moment wondering if I should let him know about my plans yet. It’s not that I don’t trust Sidorov, I just don’t know how well my plan will work yet. So I still need to think things over. “Yes, I do have a plan,” I tell him. “But I’ll let you in on it later.”
He nods, satisfied with my reply.
The rest of the ride back home was in a comfortable silence and by the time I got back to the penthouse, it was 1:45 am.
Yeah, that bastard took most of our time. I got to my bedroom, took off my clothes, and showered. I was about to go to bed when a thought came to check up on Sophia. Not like I’m a creep or something but I wanted to see her face before going to bed,
So I got up from my bed and headed towards her room at the other end. Her door was slightly opened, so I just pushed it lightly and walked in, closing the door behind me.
Her lights were turned off but I could make her out in the dark room. So I moved closer, toward her, I didn’t hear it at first, until I moved closer to her sleeping form.
“No… please, no,” She whimpered.
She must be dreaming, I thought to myself. Then I climbed into the bed, and I moved closer, placing my hand on her arm to wake her up.
Terrible mistake.
Without waking up from her sleep, she starts fighting me, crying and thrashing her head from side to side.
“Stop!” She cried out. “Please, you don’t have to do this! I’m begging you, please,” she whimpered.
My heart dropped to my stomach and my throat tightened with emotions as I realized what was happening. She was dreaming about the night Harry attacked her. Or not.
Because her next words confused me. “Mr. Brown, please…” And then she sobs uncontrollably.
I moved into a sitting position, bringing her with me, trying to control her arms. “Milaya, it’s me. Shush… you’re safe.” I cradled her against my chest, wiping tears from her face.
My heart broke for her. I felt so confused. What do I do, how do I help her right now when she’s so broken? But one thing I did know was that I wanted to hunt down every single person who’d hurt her. Everyone. One. Of. Them.
“Princess, you are fine, you’re safe. I promise,” I whispered, rubbing her arm soothingly until she calmed down and her sobs turned to hiccups.
“I-I Ivan?” Her voice sounded small and it felt like her heart shattered. How could they hurt her this way?
I placed a kiss on her head. “Yes, solnyshko. It’s me.”
Silencer stretched and then she spoke up. “I haven’t had these nightmares in a long time, I swear. I’m sorry I woke up.”
“No, it is not your fault. Please, don’t apologise. Besides, I came back not long ago,” I admitted.
She raised her head and my breath hitched as her beautiful eyes locked with mine. God, she truly was an ethereal being.
“Harry kept you out till…” She turned to check the digital alarm clock by her bedside. “2:36 am?” She turned back to me with wide eyes. “What in God’s name were you guys talking about?”
I chuckled softly at her astonished look. “We can discuss that later today, you need to rest, please go back to sleep,” I pleaded.
“Okay.” She went to move away from my chest but I held her still. I know it doesn’t make sense but I feel like she’d be safer from her nightmares if she slept in my arms.
“You don’t have to move away,” I said. “I’ll hold you until you fall asleep.”
“I’d like that very much,” she whispered into my chest.
We stayed like that for about three minutes before she broke the silence. “You’re not curious?”
“About what?” I feigned ignorance. But we both know it was bullshit. I was more than curious, I wanted to know what had happened to make her so scared and I wanted to know who that person was so they could pay for it. But held myself back, I’m sure the last thing she needed from me was me acting like a caveman and demanding answers.
I wanted her to open up to me when she was comfortable enough to do so.
“About me having a nightmare and then I slipped and told you I hadn’t had one in a long time, which meant I’d been having them at some point,” she explains.
“I am curious,” I answered honestly.
“Then why aren’t you asking me any questions?” She asked, looking a bit confused.
I exhaled softly, as I combed my fingers through her silky strands. “Because I want you to tell me about it willingly. The state I saw you in was… it was really heartbreaking to see. I didn’t want you reliving what you saw in your sleep just because I was curious.”
“Aww, who knew you could be such a softie,” she joked.
I am always soft when it comes to you. I don’t say that though, I don’t think I deserve to, hell, I shouldn’t even be this close to her. “Go to bed, you need some rest,” I say instead.
“I want to tell you what happened, I feel like I should let you know,” she said.
My fingers stilled in her hair. “Are you sure, milaya? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I hope you don’t feel pressured because of me?”
She snorts. “I don’t feel pressured, no one could force that out of me if I wasn’t willing to talk about it. I’d kept it to myself for years, not even Nick or Daisy knows about these nightmares or what had happened to me.”
Wait… what? What does this mean?! Does that mean she trusts me wholly?
Is that really the case or am I being delusional? The bigger question is; do I really deserve her trust?
“Ivan,” She said softly, cutting off my spiraling thoughts. And then she raised her head, staring right into my eyes. “So, no, I do not feel pressured. I really want to, my love.”
My heart raced wildly in my chest at the endearment.
Suddenly, I felt a mix of excitement and fear. I truly do not deserve her or her love. I should tell her the truth and let her go, but I’m a selfish bastard. I can’t let her go.
Since the day she mumbled those words in her sleep, I’ve grown even more greedy.
I’m scared she’d no longer love me or look at me the way she’s looking at me right now.
God, I’m in so much trouble.