Sophia’s POV: Second Therapy Session.
The worst part of going earlier than usual for your therapy appointment is waiting in the lobby, with several other anxious visitors. It sucks and was such a bore.
I took out my phone to put myself out of my misery. I opened our group chat and sent an em
Me: *Inserts hand wave emoji*
Daisy: Hi babes. How was the fundraising event? You finally told him, right?
Alright, instant regret. I knew she wouldn’t let me go easily. I get that she’s looking out for me though.
Nick: Jesus. Let the woman breathe.
Nick: Hi sweetie. *inserts a smiling emoji*
Me: Hey, hon. *inserts a pink heart emoji*
Daisy: Nick, I’ll smack you into tomorrow if you don’t shut your ass up.
Nick: This is exactly why I ran away from your house in the middle of the night. *inserts a weary face emoji*
Daisy: Yea cause it totally wasn’t because you were about to give Brandon a second chance and I scolded you when I found out. *inserts an eye roll emoji*
Me: Wait, what?
Nick:
Nick: Did you really have to?
Me: How didn’t I know any of this?
Nick: It’s nothing, really! Daisy is overreacting as usual. I needed closure so I agreed to go on a date with him, unfortunately, Daisy found out.
Nick: Because that bitch checked my texts!
Me: Now why would you do that, Daisy? That is wrong
Daisy: I was only looking out for him!!
Daisy: And swear you didn’t have sex with him.
Me: Nick, did you?
Nick: Ugh! For the hundredth time! I didn’t sleep with Brandon. Why would I? After he cheated on me, I’m not that dumb.
Daisy: I don’t believe you, but we will revisit this. Right now, I wanna know if Sophia still hasn’t told Harry what she wants.
Daisy: So? Did you tell him?
Me: No… long story.
Daisy: What exactly is your excuse this time, babes?
Nick: Calm your fucking titties, Daisy.
Daisy: Fuck off.
Nick:
Daisy: You’re gonna answer that or not, Sophia?
Me:
Me: It wasn’t the right time or place for such a conversation
Daisy: You’re wasting a lot of time. Dude already has feelings for you and you don’t plan on returning it. Ever. You should clear the air as soon as possible, babes.
Me: I couldn’t, okay? One thing led to another. I just couldn’t…
My mind wandered back to the night of the event…
Me: I actually did try to tell him, but he just went on and on about the fundraising. And even when I took him aside so we could speak alone, he started talking about future plans and how my dad had already spoken to him about grandkids.
Daisy: Seriously, your dad is a piece of shit and I don’t see you standing up to him anytime soon. *inserts heartbreak emoji*
Nick: Daisy is right. We keep telling you this, I know it isn’t easy, but see what it does to you. I mean whose parents still decides their partners?
Daisy: It’s fine if you want to take your time… Just make sure it isn’t too late, okay? That doesn’t mean I’m okay with it.
Me: Sure, mum
Daisy: Shut up
Me: Thanks for your concern guys.
Me: Well… I met Ivan. Again.
Me: Before you go all ‘mum’ on me… we didn’t do anything. Harry invited him.
Daisy: Well that is an improvement.
Nick: Hey, I wouldn’t even judge you if you did fuck him again.
Daisy: Nick
Dr. Amelia’s receptionist peeked out from her office. “Miss Smith, you’re up next.”
I sent one last text to the group chat and put my phone away in my bag.
“How do you feel today,” Dr Amelia asked as soon as I was settled. This was our second meeting and I felt more relaxed than the first time.
I shrugged a little. “Good… I guess?”
“You guess? What’s been happening with you lately?” She asked patiently.
“I met with Ivan. Twice. First at my engagement party and then at a fundraising event,” I replied softly.
She cocked an eyebrow, “And?”
My face and neck heat up. It’s not every day you get to admit to someone that you let another man eat you out while your fiance was downstairs entertaining the guests that attended your engagement party. “I-I, uh… well..,” I stuttered.
Dr. Amelia gave me a patient look. “You know you can trust me, right? I’m not here to judge you but to help,” She said softly.
“I had sex with Ivan, during my engagement party, not sex like full-blown sex… but we made out,” I confessed.
She studied me for a minute and nodded before jotting down on her book.
“And how did that make you feel?” She asked.
I let out a sigh. “I… I felt good. I mean sex with Ivan is always perfect but I also felt like an idiot…”
“Why did something that made you feel so good make you feel like an idiot?”
Good question… why did I feel like an idiot that day? I dropped my gaze to my hands as I fiddled with my bag. “I… I think it’s because I know he’s only using me for pleasure. I mean, he has so many mistresses and at first, I refused to do anything with him because I knew I was just a pawn. When I finally gave in and I started getting confused, mixing pleasures for a silly crush.”
“Okay,” she said calmly, without any judgment in her voice. “Have you ever thought of being in a relationship with him? Do you want that?”
I froze as my brows shot up. “N-no, no. Of course not, I’m just attracted to him,” I defended.
“Sophia,” she said. “I need you to be honest with me, I won’t judge. Are you being entirely honest now?”
“I am being fucking honest!” I snapped.
She said nothing but stared at me in silence.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” I said, wincing. “I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just… He and I… were nothing more than a captor and captive who are attracted to each other and indulged in really great sex. Ivan… he’s not even the type to do relationships, so I wouldn’t dream of that. He’s everything I shouldn’t want…” But I do want him.
“That is understandable. You can indeed have good chemistry and not want to be in a relationship. But I need you to be sure of that, Sophia, before jumping to conclusions,” She said.
“I don’t think I am. Something is wrong with me, please help me make things right and I’m losing my shit because my fiance now has feelings for me,” I protested.
Her gaze softened. “Like I said during our last meeting. You don’t have symptoms of Stockholm syndrome. You’re self-aware. You wanted to escape and you did, even when you became closer to him. I haven’t seen any signs of you fixating on your captor unhealthily. You’re in control of your mind and actions.” She smiled.
“You really don’t need my help, Sophia. You just need to search yourself and ask yourself questions. What do you really want, Sophia?”
“I-I… I don’t know,” I replied weakly. “This is all too much for me,” I said with a sigh.
“You don’t have to figure it out in a day, you can take your time, Sophia. As for your fiance, you can let him know where you stand in your relationship. You can explain to him that it means nothing but business,” She said reassuringly. “You can handle it, you’re a strong woman.”
“I don’t think so,” I muttered under my breath. I don’t think I’m strong. I’m a people pleaser who has an arsehole for a father, yet I want his validation. I want him to acknowledge me. I was willing to do whatever it took to prove to him that he could be proud of me.
She smiled at me. “I think you’re strong.” The timer went off and she closed her book. “Alright, that’s it for today. Don’t forget, Sophia. Find out what you really want.
What do I want? I thought as I left her office. For years I’ve never bothered myself with what I wanted, it didn’t matter, not if I wanted to make Dad see my worth. How do I find out what I want and go for it when I’ve never done that? Ever.
No. It doesn’t matter what I want.