When you asked me to stop at the pharmacy to buy aspirin, I went to a mini supermarket nearby and bought a few things,” he comments as he comes down the stairs.
I notice how he goes out to the garage and comes back with two grocery bags in his hands. I raise my eyebrows.
“I only bought what I thought was important,” he shrugs.
I start to take out what was in it: bread, ham, cheese for sandwiches, pastries, chips, chocolates, cookies, soft drinks, beers, and vodka. I laugh and shake my head.
“Are we going to have sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?” I ask, laughing. He shrugs his shoulders playfully.
I approach him and hug him by the neck.
“I also bought what I thought was necessary,” I sing. He raises his eyebrows, and I reach into my bag, taking out the cardboard package.
Alex rolls his eyes and smiles.
“I’m not going to use them,” he complains. I raise my eyebrows.
“We’ll see later, when you feel like fucking me,” I say, putting them back in my bag.
Alex clicks his tongue and pouts his lips.
“Well, actually, darling, I always feel like fucking you,” he admits, and I feel my cheeks blush.
He interlaces his hands with mine and kisses the back of them.
“Promise me you’ll be honest with me,” I ask, and Alex swallows.
His jaw tenses, as do the muscles in his body.
“I’ll do what I can,” he whispers.
I frown and look at his face. It’s like he’s nervous, like he’s hiding something from me and doesn’t want to tell me. I feel my heart racing.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask, and he frowns.
“Actually, there are a lot of things I haven’t told you, and it’s all here,” he shrugs.
Alex begins to lead us both up the stairs until we enter the room with my photographs.
I know Alex doesn’t like to talk about his past, his family, friends, enemies, ex-girlfriends, and much less about Racheal.
But I think I deserve to know the real him. After all, he was already considering having a family with me. If he had the confidence to tell me he wanted us to have a child, he must have the same confidence to talk to me about these things, right?
Alex sits on the bed and reaches out his hand to me. As soon as I take it, he pulls me on top of him. His hands caress my skin and try to lift up my shirt.
“What’s wrong with Rachael?” I blurt out, and Alex wrinkles his nose, leaving his hands on his abdomen. “You know, why is she in Ramsey?” I ask. His eyes meet mine, and he sighs.
“Antisocial Personality Disorder,” he whispers. I open my eyes.
“Is Rachael a sociopath?” I ask, surprised, and Alex nods.
“Did she hurt you? You know, they say that sociopaths can be quite aggressive without even realizing it, and… Oh God, Alex, nothing happened to you?” I ask, worried.
He frowns playfully and laughs.
“I’m here, right?” he asks, and I nod, embarrassed. Alex sighs and looks at me.
“I would have never imagined it, you know? I mean, yeah, I was… pretty violent, to be honest. But a sociopath? Only in books,” he laughs. I tilt my head as his hands begin to caress my thighs.
“Rachael is the most stubborn girl I’ve ever met: rude, proud, arrogant, manipulative, narcissistic, hurtful, and cold. I swear I never saw her shed a real tear… Until the day I said goodbye to her,” he whispers and tenses his jaw. “Her tears were never real. She always provoked them so she could manipulate us-so she could manipulate me. She never did it out of pain or sadness. It’s like she lacked emotions. I don’t know how I never realized,” he growls. “I only felt resentment, envy, lust, anger, hate…”
“But she loved you,” I whisper. Alex nods.
“She once escaped from the mental hospital and came looking for me,” he laughs, and I open my eyes wide.
“Shit, how it hurt me to see her,” he sighs, looking into my eyes. “She was completely broken, and I could see it in her eyes. But she would never have told me. She is not capable of telling the truth; it’s as if she feels uncomfortable doing it, you know?” he comments. “I always told her about myself, and she never told me shit about herself, but she always listened to me. I felt comfortable telling her because it was like she forgot about it the second after I told her. She never mentioned it unless I brought it up again,” he whispers.
“As much of a bitch as she was, Rachael was also a wonderful girl,” he sighs with nostalgia, and I feel my eyes burning.
I don’t know why the fuck this feels so real, so present.
“Do you love her?” I ask, and Alex looks at me confused. “Do you still love her, even a little?” I ask.
I feel my heart race as his face begins to scan me.
“I love you, Nina,” he whispers. I smile slightly.
I hug Alex and feel his hands caress my back. I feel my body tremble slightly as the idea that Alex is lying to me crosses my mind.
“Do you promise?” I ask, scared.
“I promise.” I nod. I lift my pinky finger, and Alex returns the gesture.
“I love you and only you,” he whispers in my ear.
“How do you know that?” I ask. “How do you know that as soon as you see Rachael again, you won’t feel the same way you felt when you were with her? That I’m not just a whim of yours? How do you know your mind isn’t using me as a distraction? And most importantly, how do you know that you don’t love her anymore?” I ask with a lump in my throat.
Alex’s eyes look at me with confidence and affection. His hand runs a lock of my hair through my ear and caresses my cheek.
“I just know,” he whispers, shrugging. “You have to trust me this time because all I have to offer you is my words.”