JENNA
I felt eerie to walk around my old house, but I was almost certain I knew that it was a dream. I climbed down the stairs, my feet made low thompings on the hard wood flooring.
I walked through the hallway, everything interior is wooden and somehow, I can faintly smell the wood. I reach the living room, it’s small but cozy.
There is a dining table at the end of the living room and there is a familiar figure sitting on it and eating.
“Dad?” I called, my voice is not the twenty two year old Jenna’s, it belonged the twelve year old Jenna.
“Good morning sweetheart, sleep fine?” He asked dropping his newspaper beside him and stretching his hand out for me to walk over and take it.
This is the usual thing, I always walk downstairs to find him seated there reading his paper, his orange juice half filled and his smile stretchiest brightly, but something was different, this time I knew that he was dead.
“What are you doing here?” I asked instead, now my voice is the twenty two year old Jenna’s, and I’m too self aware of it.
Things are burry but he’s crisp clear, I can see his eyelashes from where I’m standing.
“Sweetheart, you’ve grown” he said with a brighter smile.
I have, I’ve grown.
I love my dad, too much, his death still left a gaping hole in my chest but… He’s dead.
He stretched out his hand to me and urged me to take it, I take one step forward and there’s something pulling me back, I’m still standing in the door of the living room and the hallway is behind me.
I turned around and Christian is standing at the very end, he’s just staring at me but I can’t move forward, I turn back to my dad only to find out that he had stood up and had taken some steps towards me, he was closer than ever and just as I remembered him.
“”Take my hand sweetheart ”
“No” I said, there was something about his eyes that spoke danger, he took quick steps and suddenly, I’m jerked out of my frozen state and I run, Christian is no longer standing at the end of the hallway, I run to the back door and dash through, I turn back and although he’s just walking, he’s catching up to me fast.
I hit something hard and when I look up it’s Christian.
I jolt from my sleep with a yelp. I’m almost thrown off the bed, strong hands hold me in the darkness, my legs and hands are shaking, there’s a cold feeling in the pit of my belly and then there is Christian’s voice.
“I’ve got you baby” he whispers in my ear, I clutched onto him and bury my face in his chest, he holds me there, soothing my hair.
Finally my body relaxes, it’s out of danger and in safe hands, literally.
I pull out of his chest and sit, I feel his presence beside me but I can barely see him, just his outline.
“Was I too loud?” I asked him.
“You screamed”
“I woke you up”
“I’m a light sleeper”
“I’m sorry”
“Don’t apologize”
I massaged my forehead with my hand and I feel his hands on my shoulders, massaging it, I turn to see that he had sat up behind me.
“Bad dream?”
“Yeah. It was crazy”
His hands were working magic, he never told me he could give a professional massage, I felt his hands work it’s way from my shoulders down to my back.
Gawd, this feels so good.
“Want to tell me about it?” He asked me but I felt guarded about my dream, it felt too personal.
“Where did you learn to give massages?”
“My mum had a broken ankle once, I came back from highschool to find her leg swollen, she fell when she was gardening and hit her leg on a big rock.. I enrolled in massage class to be a measure the next day, I knew she would need my help since my dad was always working”
I could picture him, walking through the door to find his mum with a swollen ankle.. my eyes shimmered in the darkness at his small revelation, suddenly I was curious about his entire childhood.
We never really talked about it before, I never told him what went on in my life and he never told me his, maybe we were getting comfortable with each other.
“She could have hired a masseuse” I said, his hand expertly pulled me backwards to lay on his lap and he lifted my leg.
“I know, I just want to do it” he said and after a while he scoffed.
“What?”
“I lied, I didn’t just want to do it. I felt that she… Was lonely, without my dad around, she needed someone to care for her, someone to remind her that she deserves love and kind gestures. Marcellino was off to college then, I was in school and I took extracurricular activities and she was just at home, without anybody but the house keeper ”
My mind played the image of his mum sitting at home alone and I’m suddenly engulfed with sadness.
“That was good of you” I said.
He chuckled and leaned in, he kissed me slowly and pulled out gently.
“We’re going over to Budapest, Hungary ” he said matter of factly.
“Who?” I asked him.
“You, Elisa, Marcellino and Me” he said and I quickly understood what hew was talking about. Christmas reunion, my parents had already fixed the date we would be traveling to meet Marcellino ‘s parents.
They lived in Hungary.
Since Marcellino and my mum have been married, they have been too busy to have a proper family gathering, I haven’t met Marcellino’s parents. When my mum and Marcellino got married, it was large and luxurious, I remember leaning back in the far end of the room because I wasn’t used to so much lights or grandeur.
That time I didn’t even know who Christian was, he just swept in, gave a proper speech and zoomed away immediately. I remember saying in my mind that he was funny because of joke he made in his speech only to find out he had cold hard eyes when we finally met properly in my stepdad’s house.
I instantly kept my reserve, everything about him was formal and business like, he had strong wits, he was beautiful and smart and he never wasted words, but he never kept his eyes on me for more than two seconds, I felt invisible before him and slowly, I was burning with lust.
I laughed at the entire memory.
“What’s so funny?” He asked massaging my foot.
“I remember you from my parents wedding”
“I also remember you” he said, I didn’t believe it. It was like saying that there was hollow earth in the center of Antartica.
That can’t be possible, I was sitting at t the last row. You come, shook some hands and talked and then left quickly ”
“You were wearing an ivory dress, it was below knee length, and it had these cut out flower patterns at the hem. Your hair was in a bridal braid, you had pink and violet flowers in them and you were holding a ivory colour purse, you were wearing a matching glove and flower bracelet on the gloves. After I gave my speech, you stood up to walked from the back to the from seat, I remember you Jenna. Every inch of you and I remembered thinking how beautiful you were ” I eyes closed as I tried to recollect the memories from a few years ago and it was true.
I could only think of one thing.
“Why were you so cold towards me?”