NERTHUS
I jerk up panicky, blinking into the dark as Arawn’s strong hands hold my arms soothingly, making me calm down right away.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to startle you,” he whispers. “Are you alright?”
He seems to be able to look right into my soul as he lays his hand on my cheek, disintegrating the uncomfortable pins that Francis left on my skin.
“Yes,” I whisper back, leaning into his touch as I get onto my knees to feel him closer.
I can’t even remember how I got into bed, and I still seem to be fully clothed which is stupid as it will make him sense that something is wrong right away.
“You didn’t pick up your phone. You know that I don’t like that,” he murmurs gently as he gets my jacket off me. “Are you sure that you are feeling alright?”
I nod, stretching my arms into the air to help him slip my pullover off. “I was just so tired that I crashed right away. I’m sorry that I didn’t answer your calls.”
“Don’t worry,” he says, studying my face. “It’s good that you slept a bit. Don’t you feel better already because of it?”
Forcing a smile, I lower my head because I feel horrible, “Yeah, yeah. It felt awesome.”
Suddenly, his hand moves, touching my cheek and making me flinch. “What is this?”
“Oh,” I say, backing off to get out of his hold, making him frown at me. “This… I don’t know, actually. Maybe some rash. I already spotted it in the hospital.”
“A rash?” he repeats pensively, squinting his eyes at me unconvinced. “And why didn’t you show it to any of the doctors?”
I groan, scooting back to get out of my jeans before burying myself under the blankets. “I just wanted to get out of there, Arawn.”
Closing my eyes, I scoff. “No, actually, I wanted to see Danny, but you made sure that wouldn’t happen, right?!”
“Nerthus…” he starts but I interrupt him right away.
“No, no. I don’t want to hear it. Just leave me alone.”
He starts undressing and huddles under the blankets, pulling me close against his frame. I groan, wanting to wiggle out of his grip but he holds me back, fixating me against his muscular front. “I know it’s a hard time, but we will get over it. But you have to stop pushing me away, you can’t win alone in this game. Alright?”
His words hit me right into my stomach, making me whimper as I nod slowly, tears already running down my face. “Yes.”
Caressing my side with his thumb, he kisses my neck. “Do you want to go visit him tomorrow? We could go together.”
“Yes, please,” I say, nodding repeatedly.
“Perfect,” he breathes out, hugging me closer.
This night, I fail to fall asleep while Arawn drifts away a few minutes later. I listen to his soft snores and finally turn around to snuggle into him, asking myself how much longer I will have the chance to have him this close. Taking a deep breath, I enjoy his body heat enveloping me, and close my eyes to at least rest my tired eyes.
“I love you so much,” I whisper into the dark as my heartbeat synchronizes with his. “Please forgive me.”
***
“Are you sure that you feel alright?”
If I hear that question one more time, I swear that I’m going to lose it.
“Yeah, sure. Why?” I ask as Lizzy looks at me confused.
“You seem so distant. And your smile seems a bit fake,” she answers, making me distort my face.
Lowering my gaze as I’m washing the dishes and cups, I scoff. “Well, I’ve been going through a tough time.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She crosses her arms over her chest, leaning against the counter.
Pursing my lips, I shake my head. “Not really.”
“Is it about your hulk?” She inquires further, making me laugh.
“Yeah. It is.”
“Oh, oh. What did he do?” Taking up a washcloth, she starts cleaning the coffee machine.
I sigh deeply, raising my eyes to the ceiling. “Nothing. He is perfect. But maybe this is the problem. I feel like we aren’t made for each other.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
Forcing down a sob, I shake my head once again. “Don’t be. Things like this unfortunately happen. Some of us aren’t meant to be happy.”
“Please, don’t say that.” She halts in her movements, getting me to look at her as she faces me with a worried expression. “Every one of us deserves happiness.”
I smile at her sadly. “Thank you, but please don’t worry. I guess I just need a little time to myself.”
Clearing my throat, I take all my courage to take the first step into my demise. “Would you mind if I would take a few days off? I would have the chance to go to Europe with my cousin. Maybe that would do me some good.”
“Oh, that sounds great. Sure.” Her face lights up, making me feel worse. “Take all the time you need. You are doing the right thing. You will see, as soon as you are back. Everything will be alright again.”
I smile at her, feeling thankful for her support.
But I doubt that once I am gone, I will be able to return.
***
The next days are simply hell.
Spending my days fighting off Francis’s texts and visits at the hospital, I wish that Arawn would stop looking at me that angrily and just take his gun out to end both of our sufferings.
My anxiety rises more and more while I try to work out a plan to get rid of Arawn, but every time the moment hits, my heart breaks at him being understanding and caring.
I guess that I have to make some big scene around my departure, just hoping to get him away from me long enough to be able to board that damn flight.
“Who is it this time?” Arawn’s deep voice hits my panicky self right into my stomach and I try to calm myself as I lay my phone down on the table.
“No one,” I smile sadly at him as I pinch a piece of steak with my fork, not really wanting to eat that. “Just Jenna. She was asking about going out.”
“Is it that dreadful?” he asks with an annoyed tone.
“Huh?” I ask while chewing as his look bores right into my soul.
“I asked if it’s that dreadful. Going out with Jenna, I mean. Seeing that your face paled instantly as you saw the text.”
I laugh awkwardly, shaking my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Give me your phone,” he says coldly, setting his cutlery down to hold out his hand to me expectantly.
Moving my head back, I scoff, “Sorry, what?”
“It’s not the first time I saw you react to a text like this. Give me your phone, now.”
My panic risks strangling me, and the only thought that my mind seems to be able to grasp is to take a way out and make a scene, but that wouldn’t make him look good in this stupid fancy restaurant.
“Rachel, I want to take a look at your phone!” he repeats in an angry tone.
“You have to stop being that paranoid,” I say, putting up my poker face as I draw circles with my fork. “There is no dimension in this whole universe in which I will give you my phone.”
He distorts his face, taking a bundle of cash out of his jacket as he calls for the waiter. I have never seen someone throw a silent tantrum, but I guess this is the closest one can go doing that.
Literally throwing the bills in front of the poor waitress, he gets up with a frown. “Fine.”
Not wanting to play into his hands, I stay seated, trying to finish my food as I realise that I have never been hungry to begin with. Slowly, the prying looks I get from the tables around me start burning into my neck and I blow my cheek as I finally get up throwing my napkin on my awfully expensive meal.