NERTHUS
I stand there smiling and watching the sea as if nothing happened.
And it has me boiling.
But I’m currently holding the most beautiful and adorable little baby that I have ever seen.
And she smells amazing.
So, it’s okay, I guess.
I cuddle the baby girl closer, as she is staring out at the waves as if it’s the first time her luxury-spoiled eyes see it.
“Oh, looks like you got yourself a new friend,” Emily says in a high-pitched voice, making me turn around while I’m rocking her baby. She leans in with a big smile, shaking a bottle of milk in front of her daughter’s face while holding a bottle of champagne in the other.
She is my idol.
Larissa kicks with her little legs while pushing out the cutest giggle ever, making us both laugh as well. “Isn’t she heavy? I’m so sorry. It’s already been hours that she is clinging to you.”
“No way. She is perfect and not heavy at all. And we are having fun.” Hugging her closer I change my voice playfully, “Right, little angel?”
As if wanting to answer me, she babbles along and giggles, before she holds her hands out to get her bottle. Positioning her differently in my arms, I watch her as she starts drinking happily. Emily gasps while she starts filling two glasses with bubbling gold, nearly making me moan in anticipation. “You are a natural.”
“I wouldn’t call it that,” I chuckle, answering her in a whisper.
She hands me my glass with a bright grin and I balance her baby onto my arm to get a sip from it.
I really shouldn’t be that careless.
I watch the small bundle of cuteness as Emily gets called in by her husband.
She rolls her eyes, making me smile at her as she mumbles under her breath, excusing herself.
I hum, caressing the blanket wrapped around Larissa’s small body, wanting to shield her from the cold.
“What I would give to be her right now,” Arawn jokes as he appears next to me.
He leans into us slightly, caressing Larissa’s foot.
“You think it would get me to talk to you again,” I say, taking a sip from my champagne.
Keeping my eyes on the baby, I smile to myself. “But it would just make it easy to throw you into the sea.”
Arawn laughs, straightening back up. “I guess I would deserve it.”
I look up at him with a tired smile as he takes a swing of his beer bottle. “Yeah, you would.”
“I told you that I can’t tell you anything because I still don’t know who he is… Or how bad it is that he is in the territory.”
“You are such a bad liar,” I say, putting down my glass to hold Larissa better.
Arawn laughs, shaking his head, “Now that is not true.”
“Hmmm…” I simply answer, hearing Emily and Harvey reaching us with their 3-year-old son.
I’m still not over the fact that they have children.
But I guess I should have known, seeing the life that they are living.
I’m already turning to them slightly, as Arawn leans in, pressing a kiss below my ear.
“Seeing you with the baby just makes me want to have one with you even more.” His husky whisper expands in my chest before wrapping around my heart painfully.
Freezing to my spot, I stare up at him as he simply turns his attention to his friend who is already slapping him on the shoulder as they bring another bottle of wine out for us to drink while their staff is finishing setting everything up for dinner.
I feel like time slows down.
Everybody moves around me in slow motion while my thoughts run wildly, and breathing gets increasingly harder.
I hug Larissa tighter for a second before I feel my hands shaking and my legs get wobbly.
Trying to steady my breathing, I shake my head, doing my best to convince myself that I’m not having a full-blown panic attack.
Fever creeps up my legs, making me feel like I’m about to break out in cold sweat.
Suddenly, I fear that I might let the baby fall and I step towards Emily slowly, handing her Larissa. “Please excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom real quick.”
She looks at me concerned, taking her daughter out of my arms, while I’m just happy that I actually managed to get something out coherently.
Stepping into the house, I pass the few people setting the table to storm up to the upper floor.
I barge into the bathroom, lock the door and get out of my leather jacket as if it was strangling me. Taking a deep breath, I lean onto the sink and try to concentrate fully on the cold material seeping through my skin.
My heart is just about to calm down as an emphatic knock makes me flinch.
I look towards the door like a deer caught in headlights as the knocking resounds again, disrupting my thoughts anew.
“Nerthus,” Arawn’s voice rumbles through the door, making me roll my eyes.
“Can’t I even pee in peace?” I answer his call annoyedly, my heart beating into my throat.
He remains quiet for a heartbeat before he knocks again. “If you are really peeing, I’ll give you a thousand bucks right away.”
“You are such an idiot,” I groan, opening the door and stepping back into the room.
“Are you okay?” he asks, closing the door behind him.
Crossing my arms, I avoid his gaze, feeling stupidly vulnerable. “Sure.”
“Why did you run away like that then?”
He takes a step closer and I force down the urge to take a step back simultaneously.
I take a deep breath, moving my hands to wipe them on my dress. “I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” he tilts his head, making my heart burst.
Taking a step forward panically, I shake my head. “Oh, no. No. It’s… It’s really not that you said something wrong. Please don’t apologize.”
“What is it then?” he pushes further, making me sigh.
“Why do I have to talk about everything while you keep having secrets from me?” I retort, making him lift his brow.
“I’m not keeping any secrets from you. I told you that we were facing problems. And I told you that this guy might be involved. But I don’t know what is happening yet and I don’t want to just tell you something to shut you up.”
His calm voice just fuels my desire to throw the most brutal tantrum. “Stop being cute already!”
“I’m not being cute. I’m just respectful of you as my partner,” he answers nonchalantly.
“Oh, my God,” I moan lowly, feeling the need to brace the sink again.
“What is it?” Arawn chuckles, taking the last step to stand directly in front of me.
“It’s… I have…” I push out a breath, closing my eyes to collect my thoughts as he waits patiently. “I’m sorry I ran away and made you feel like you did something wrong. It’s just that… This is absolutely crazy. You are being amazing, and I’m happy… And I’m not used to that.”
Gesturing with my hands, I’m begging internally for him to stop me but he lets me ramble on. “It scares the hell out of me! I’m sorry. I panicked. I’m so broken, I never even thought about having children as having a relationship already seemed like a thousand solar systems away for someone like me.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. “Just don’t run away from me.”
“I’m so sorry, Arawn. You definitely deserve better than having to deal with my baggage on top of your already full plate.” I sigh into his shirt, his cologne calming my racing heart down little by little.
He hums, caressing my back and kisses the top of my head. “Even if my plate is full I still want you as my dessert. I don’t care what baggage we will have to unpack together as I can’t certainly hold it against you if I bring a lot to it myself.”
“Stop being so understanding…” I whisper, making him laugh.
“What do you want me to do instead, love?” he chuckles, making my heart flip in my chest. “Want me to beat you up for all the disrespect?”
I laugh, as he changes his voice theatrically, “I demand respect, woman!”
“You are impossible,” I sigh happily, cuddling into him more.
“Yeah, I guess I am.” he jokes, hugging me tighter. “And it looks like you have to learn to live with someone who wants to spend his life with you.”
“You will kill me one of these days,” I sigh, and he kisses my hair again.
Silence falls around us comfortably, making us enjoy our vicinity fully until a knock disrupts it.
“Guys?” Harvey clears his throat, as he knocks again. “I’m really sorry to interrupt you but can I ask you not to make too much of a dirty mess in the guest bathrooms?”
We laugh, and Arawn lets go of me to open the door to a grinning Harvey. “Oh, thank God, you are still dressed.”
“Doesn’t take that much time if you do it right, Harvey,” Arawn jokes, and I gasp while Harvey grimaces playfully.