CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
SANDRO DAVALO
A battle within the soul
I desperately sought sleep, but it eluded me like a ghost slipping through my fingers. The hour felt late, yet my mind wouldn’t relent; the moment it seemed nature would finally tuck in for the night, my thoughts would come alive, erupting into a whirlwind of emotions I wasn’t ready to confront. I sat up in my bed, the shadows of my room deepening around me, and walked to my window, yearning for morning to break. But even that seemed far off, like a distant dream I couldn’t grasp.
As I leaned against the cool glass, I caught a glimpse of the moon high in the night sky, its soft light casting an ethereal glow over everything. Trees stood still, and the world outside was quiet, yet my mind raced with a tangled mess of thoughts.
“Nadia.” Her name floated into my mind like an unwelcome whisper, igniting a familiar tension in my chest. A bitter memory flashed before me-her hurt eyes, the sting of insults we had hurled at her; Alex stripping her of her cloth, and leaving her almost naked; Alex and I taking turns to rape her right in her house; Lara slapping her for fun. I could go on and on… And somehow, even through all that darkness and mistreatment, I now felt something else-a bond I couldn’t deny, despite how hard I tried.
Alex had been right all along. I was-no, I had been-covering up something, and I knew deep down that I couldn’t hide it anymore. If I didn’t admit it myself, it would catch up with me sooner than I thought.
Since Nadia had been admitted to the hospital, a sense of inexplicable pain had settled in my core, gnawing at me with every beat of my heart. Each night, as I lay awake, I was forced to confront the emotional storm within me. I never felt this way when I had bullied her, and I hated myself for the things I had done. It was like the universe had flipped a switch. I had chosen to thrive on cruelty but now, it felt like I was breaking down. I could feel Nadia’s presence in the air, even as she was nowhere close to me. It was the strangest thing, yet the urge to be near her was becoming undeniably strong.
“No, this cannot be! She can’t have this hold on me!” I whispered harshly to myself, trying to convince my racing heart that this wasn’t reality. I pressed my palms against the wall, feeling its rough texture ground me, but I knew the truth. The connection, the bond growing between us, had begun to emerge in the darkest corners of my soul.
As if to punish me further, I could feel my wolf stirring, restless and excited. My heart raced, and reality began to crash down around me like a collapsing ceiling. I glanced in the mirror and caught my reflection; my eyes were flashing between my deep brown and the golden hues of a wolf. I could feel my bones beginning to crack, my fur sprouting on my hands and arms, the beast within demanding to be freed.
Panic gripped me as I turned, desperate for an escape from the chaos of my own making. The window was open, allowing the cool night air to rush in, whispering sweetly and tauntingly. “Jump,” it seemed to say-a primal instinct rising above the noise in my head.
I moved swiftly, throwing myself out of the window and landing silently on the soft earth below, my wolf instincts already at the forefront of my mind. I sprinted into the woods, limbs powerful and ready, letting out a loud growl that echoed through the stillness. Below the canopy, everything felt alive; the very ground beneath my paws pulsed with energy.
As I ran, consumed by the thoughts of Nadia, I was both terrified and thrilled by this newfound bond between us. What did it mean? Why now? I pushed myself harder, every leap through the dark woods echoing the turmoil in my heart. I had been so cruel to her, and yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that our fates were somehow intertwined.
But amidst my wandering, I suddenly heard a familiar growl in the distance. I slowed my pace, recognizing it with a combination of relief and caution. That must be Jessie, one of our pack members. He always did seem to have a sixth sense when it came to me, sensing my turmoil even from afar.
I growled in return, instinctively picking up speed as I ran in his direction. The landscape blurred by, trees stretching upward like pillars as they stood guard over our shared secrets.
When I found him, there he was, standing tall, his powerful frame silhouetted under the flickering moonlight. His wolf was fully present, eyes gleaming and alert. “Sandro! What’s going on?” he barked, his tone low but urgent, concern evident in his posture.
I stopped in front of him, shaking with the lingering echoes of my previous anxiety. He studied me, searching for clues. “You’re shifting too fast. This isn’t good.”
“I know! I can’t help it. Something’s happening.” I could feel my voice radiating through the link we shared as pack members, the very bond that let him understand me without the need for words. “It’s Nadia. I… I think she’s my mate.”
Jessie’s eyes widened, reflecting the silver shadows of the night. “Wait, what? Nadia? The girl you and Alex have bullied?”
“Yes!”
“How is that possible!?,” he asked, looking stunned.
“I don’t know,” I said, looking as confused as he was. “I didn’t plan for this! It’s not like I wanted to feel this way about her!” I exclaimed, frustration spilling over. “She’s in the hospital, and I haven’t even been able to see her. All I can feel is this pain, and it’s driving me crazy!”
He studied me closely, his expression serious. “You’re connected to her now. This is bigger than your past with her. You can’t just run away from it. You can’t keep pretending it doesn’t matter.”
“Pretending?” I hissed, emotion tying knots in my words. “Alex and I made her life hell! I bullied her and humiliated her, and now I’m supposed to just accept that my wolf wants her. What does that say about me?”
“It says that we all have the chance to change, to grow,” Jessie replied, a calmness settling over him. “You can’t control this feeling, but you can control how you respond to it. You need to embrace this, not run away from it. Your wolf senses a mate; that’s a powerful bond you can’t dismiss.”
I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in. I felt lost amidst the chaos I’d created; the idea of caring for Nadia felt foreign to me. But deep down, through all the self-loathing, there was a burgeoning sense of hope-a feeling that maybe I could be better, for her and myself.
“It’s not as easy as you think. If I admit what I’ve done, if I tell her that we’re mated to each other, what will she think?” I whispered, my voice trembling with doubt. “She will just hate me more, even though she may not show it because she will always be scared of me. I’ve caused her so much pain.”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Jessie said, urging me forward with a nudge. “Face it head-on, Sandro. You owe her that much.”
“You don’t get it,” I said to him, still not convinced.
“Then make me understand,” he casually said.
“She is a lone wolf. She doesn’t even fit into anything. She’s a nobody, and no one will ever accept her.”
“Even your wolf?” he asked as if he knew that my wolf craved for her. I hesitated, not wanting to admit the obvious. “You don’t have to say the words, I know already. Just do what you gotta do, but don’t lie to yourself,” he said.
With a hesitant nod, I felt the tension inside me ease just a bit. “You’re right,” I said, a break coming into my demeanor. I needed to see Nadia, to look her in the eye and confess my feelings-every last one of them.
In the stillness of the woods, with the moonlight filtering through the branches, I felt a new strength begin to blossom within me. My wolf purred softly, settling down as if it knew this was the beginning of something profound.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to Jessie, who was standing protectively by my side. “Let’s go,” I said.
“What’s it gonna be?” he asked, curious.
Turning to him, I said, “I reject her.”