CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
NADIA
A new session, but everything else remains the same!
A week had passed since Alex and Sandro took my virginity, and the numbness still hadn’t left me. It wasn’t even that I couldn’t feel anything-I was drowning in everything, but it didn’t make sense. None of it made sense.
Of all the fantasies I had, never would I have imagined that after intentionally staying away from sexual intimacy with any man, all of my first sexual experiences would be terrible.
I had thought something loving and sweet, where he’d put me on the bed and after softly kissing me, go easy on me as he penetrated but it was none of it, instead, two different dicks thrust into my vagina with no atom of care and as rough as it could be.
Instead of being cuddled, I was treated violently and left in tears to clean my blood-stained bed sheet and myself with the cum splattered all over my body.
All of this was because of my bullies and it did not make any sense that instead of hating them and wanting their deaths, I was falling for my bullies.
I cursed my luck, wiping the tears that rushed out from my eyes as I swallowed the drugs I had in my mouth.
Because of how terribly Sandro and Alex had handled me, and the possibilities of pregnancy, I had been on drugs since that day. When the nurse had seen how sore I was, she almost reported to the officials that I was raped. But I knew how much influence Sandro and Alex had and as I didn’t want to cause any problems for her, I lied that I gave consent even though it was a rough sex. I wished it was anything like that at least.
I had just finished arranging the drugs back inside the cupboard when a heavy bang came on my door.
“Open the fucking door, Nadia!” The voice was low and impatient, and I didn’t need to guess who it was. It was my landlord. Hearing his voice irritated me so much as it constantly reminded me that nothing had gotten better for me.
I sighed, my encounter with Alex and Sandro had eaten deep into me that I had been unproductive, and even had to spend from the little money I had gathered to take care of myself. But then, there was my rent and I couldn’t ignore it.
The thought of facing him made me want to hide, but I didn’t have the luxury of avoiding him anymore. Especially as I knew that he wanted me to be in a situation where I’d have no other choice and fall to his demand.
I threw on my favorite worn-out jeans and pulled a hoodie over my head, trying to look presentable. My reflection in the mirror made me flinch. My hair was a mess, and my eyes were dull, with dark circles all around it. But I didn’t have time to dwell on it.
My hands shook as I reached for the door, with my heart pounding heavily in my chest. I had heard my landlord’s voice, but the fear was still in my chest that Alex and Sandro could be with him, back to abusing me again.
I forced my breath to steady, trying to ignore the unease that still clung to me as I opened the door.
He stood there, his arms crossed. “About time! Where’s my money, Nadia?” he growled, his voice sharp like the edge of a blade.
I didn’t respond right away. Instead, I stared at him, trying to keep my composure. He didn’t care about my problems and that I felt like I was suffocating in my skin, but I couldn’t hold him to it.
Forcing a smile that I hoped looked confident, I dipped my hand into my trouser pocket and pulled out the cash. I had saved every annoying penny for this moment. I held it out to him. “This is it.”
He looked down, his expression shifting from anger to shock. “Where did you get this?” he stammered, peering at the money as if it might vanish into thin air.
“It’s none of your business,” I replied, my voice steadier than I felt. His incessant taunting had always gotten under my skin, but I wouldn’t let him see how much it truly affected me.
But he was relentless. “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t get it by honest means. Did you steal it? Or maybe you sold your body? Why am I even surprised? It’s your way of life” His words hit me like a slap, leaving a sting that ignited a fire of rage in my chest.
I took a step closer to him, narrowing my eyes, and feeling my heart race. “Dare to repeat that?” I challenged, my voice low, but I could feel the heat building within me. I could almost sense my wolf fighting to break free. My eyes tinged red, reflecting the fury I felt.
He didn’t flinch; instead, a cruel grin spread across his lips. “You can’t intimidate me with that look. I’ve had that before. Oh, I know about your kind, Nadia. I’ve seen what you are. Do you think you’re some fierce wolf? You’re nothing but a pathetic little girl playing dress-up. I own this house, and I fucking own you. You better play by my rules, or you’ll be out on the street when your rent is due.”
It was like he could see through me and how broken I had become. I tried to act okay but his words sank deep. I was pathetic, something that everybody could have their way with.
I managed to stay cool. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I snapped, my pulse pounding in my ears, mixing with the anger that bubbled inside me. But he didn’t even give me a chance to respond further. With a wave of his hand, he turned sharply and stormed out, leaving me standing there, fists clenched, breathing heavily, feeling utterly frustrated.
“Ugh!” I grunted as I slammed the door shut behind him, the wood rattling from the force. I leaned against the door, feeling that mix of anger and humiliation swirl inside me.
That anger soon twisted into anxiety as I remembered what lay ahead. The next day was the start of a new session at school, and I dreaded it.
My legs still ached every time I walked. I had done everything to forget, to pretend the rape hadn’t happened. But my body wouldn’t let me. Each time I tried to wash my vagina, each time I shifted my hips, every one of those sharp pains reminded me that right in this house, I had been held against my will as their dick slammed into me in various uncomfortable positions.
I told my friend, Mary, using a case study that it happened to someone I knew and her advice was that my friend reported the case to the cops.
But could I report Sandro and Alex? They basically controlled almost everything in this town, and it was better to play safe than get on their bad side.
But for long exactly would they keep making my life a mess, because I was trying to play safe?
The next morning, I forced myself to take a shower, feeling the hot water wash over me, hoping it could somehow cleanse my mind as well. But it didn’t take long for the images to return.
I sighed again, now fully regretting having to face another day of high school.
Finally, I pulled myself together, dressed casually, and grabbed my backpack. I couldn’t believe I had to endure another day, but I had to. Perhaps today will be better than I feared. They were announcing the school’s victory in the intercollege basketball competition. Maybe, just maybe, I could bask in that glory instead of dwelling on my failures.
As soon as I entered my classroom, a wave of unexpected cheers and chants erupted. “Nadia! Nadia! Nadia!” My name echoed in the room, bouncing off the walls. It felt surreal, and for a moment, I could almost forget about my troubles. I turned to see my classmates smiling, and even Mark, Jack’s friend, flashed me a grin. It was the first time he genuinely acknowledged me, and my heart fluttered, despite the chaos in my mind.
“You made us proud at the competition,” one of the girls close to me said, smiling at me.
“Thank you,” I said, overwhelmed with joy.
But just then, the atmosphere suddenly shifted, the cheer fading into an uncomfortable silence. Lara and Bethany strode into the classroom with a confidence that screamed trouble. The way she walked made it clear she owned the room. Everyone knew who and whose she was.
They approached me, their eyes glinting with malice. I felt my stomach drop as she stopped in front of me, practically towering over me. I knew what this was; it was not going to be good. Without a word, Lara reached into her school bag and pulled out something crumpled and twisted. I squinted and realized with horror that it was mine-a pair of my panties.
“Look what I found!” she announced, holding them up like a trophy. My face burned with humiliation. “Didn’t you lose this? Seems like you forgot to wear your little ‘gift’ after fucking our men!”
Laughter erupted around the room. My heart raced, pounding painfully in my chest. I wanted to shrink into nothing, to disappear under my desk. I had been searching for those! I glanced around, seeing some classmates snicker, others covering their mouths as they stifled their laughter.
“How disgusting he thinks you are,” Bethany continued, her voice dripping with mockery. “He could barely hold his breath after seeing what’s between your legs! Your vagina stinks!” she announced to the class.
Their words hit harder than any punch, and I couldn’t bear this assault any longer.
I turned to Mark, desperate for him to notice me and help me. But his smirk was just another reminder of how alone I was. Everyone was in on the joke except me.
I tried to take a step back, wanting-no, needing-to escape this nightmare. But Lara was quick; she stepped in front of me, blocking my path. “Where do you think you’re going? The fun is just starting, and you must stick to the end!”
Just then, Sandro walked in, his entrance magnified by his group of friends. They followed behind him like a pack of wolves, and the moment their eyes landed on us, grins spread across their faces. Sandro’s laughter rang out, deep and mocking.
“Looks like you’ve got your little pet worked up, babe,” he jeered, looking directly at me. “What’s wrong, Nadia? Did you forget to wear your pants today? Or just trying to get attention?”
My body stiffened upon hearing Sandro’s voice.
A wave of cold humiliating dread washed over me as his words sunk in and seeing him made me want to flee, in fear that he’d abuse me again.
The laughter echoed louder, and I felt myself unraveling. My heart raced-not from excitement but from fear. The taunts, the pointing fingers, and each insecurity that I had ever felt about myself came rushing back, and I could only feel smaller and smaller with every passing moment.