Chapter Thirty-nine
Hunter’s POV
I sat back in my chair, maps and papers scattered on my desk, yet none of it held my attention.
As usual, my mind was occupied totally by thoughts about Faelen.
She had left my chambers only moments ago, but already, the space felt empty without her presence… Both in the room and in my heart.
“What in the name of the moon goddess is happening to me?” muttered underneath my breath.
I’d always prided myself on being a man who never let emotions dictate my actions. Love was a weakness I could not afford, especially as Alpha.
But here I was, feeling as if part of me had been torn away the moment she walked out that door. Her shy and naive smile still flashed in my mind.
Her scent, even though she was just a slave, was intoxicating to me, and it filled the room with a warmth I hadn’t realized I needed.
Running a hand through my rough hair, I exhaled sharply, the frustration boiling beneath the surface.
I forced myself to look at the maps again, detailing the territory lines and boarders of the Steeprock pack.
They were a growing threat, their ambitions allowing them to encroach on our territory like an gathering cloud.
Yet, every line on the paper seemed insignificant compared to the storm gathered in my chest.
“I wish she had stayed longer.” I whispered.
The thought sort of caught me off guard, striking a nerve I’d rather not acknowledge was growing inside me.
In the past, I would relish the aftermath of my dominance, enjoying the satisfaction of the attention I made them all clamor for me.
The women had come and gone, each just a temporal moment of enjoyment in my life, but somehow of all of them, Faelen was different.
She had slipped through the cracks of the carefully constructed walls surrounding my heart, and now, I felt unhelpfully vulnerable.
Memories of our time together was there… the moment when I finally took her, the heat of her body blending with mine.
The way she responded to my touch and made me feel alive in ways I never expected and hadn’t felt before, it was gripping.
I’d shown her a world of pleasures as well, a world of hers I had dominated with pride and confidence.
But the thought of wanting to see her again, of admitting that she meant something more to me, made me… uneasy.
A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. I looked up, half-hoping it was Faelen, but instead, it was Caleb, hesitating at the doorframe.
“Alpha, we need to discuss…”
“Not now, Caleb,” I snapped, my voice sharper than I intended.
Caleb raised an eyebrow but didn’t push forward. I watched him retreat, surprisingly, the door clicking shut with a gentleness that felt suspecting.
Alone once more, I leaned back in my chair, the tension in my shoulders mounting. “Shit. I need to clear my head,” I thought out loud, but no amount of mental sweep could shake the thoughts of Faelen.
My gaze wandered back to the maps, but they blurred together in my vision. But images of her danced in my mind’s eye.
Against all of my frustrations and query I gave myself about her, I intentionally pictured the sight of her vibrant eyes, the way they sparkled when our eyes met.
I envisioned the gentle curve of her lips when she smiled… or whenever she seemed scared, or serious, or confused… It didn’t matter.
Faelen was unlike any other woman I’d see… she was fragile, strong-willed in a way. Soft, but there was a fierceness behind those naive eyes of hers.
She had slowly become a mystery I wanted more than anything to unravel. Like an exciting package wrapped up so slightly.
“What does this even mean… for me?” I questioned, this time speaking out as if there was someone else in the room.
I ran a hand over my oily face, feeling the weight of everything… my responsibilities, my thoughts which slowly drove me mad with both desire and anger.
They all came pressing down on me.
I had a pack to protect, alliances to maintain, and the disturbing threat of Steeprock pack waiting to be truly addressed.
Perhaps it was what Caleb wanted to speak to me about, I thought.
I let myself entertain the thoughts of talking to Faelen about us, and it sent a shiver down my spine.
I longed to be close to her, to understand the overpowering bond forming between us, but the fear of losing control of myself, over a maid, held me back.
“What if I let her in, and it all falls apart?” I wondered, weighing the odds of my options delicately.
My heart raced at the idea of letting someone close to me, fearing that someone who could end up being a liability.
Still, the other side of me that craved connection… especially since I started to feel something for Faelen… battled against that fear I had.
I stood up abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor. I paced the length of the room. “I can’t keep living like this,” I growled, caught between desire and duty.
I glanced back at the door, imagining her walk in to end the chaos spinning in my mind. But the silence was torturing, and I felt ache in my chest.
“I have to speak to her.” I finally said, my resolve towards the thought solidifying.
Determined, I returned to my desk, the maps forgotten for the moment. I needed a plan… not only for the issue with Steeprock, but for Faelen.
If I was going to navigate the feelings scraping at the walls of my heart, I had to take a step forward, however scary it seemed.
Caleb stepped back into the room abruptly, suddenly startling me. I turned and saw a sense of urgency written on his face.
His eyes were serious, and the moment he met my gaze, I knew something important was on his mind.
“We really need to talk, Hunter,” he said, his voice quite insistent.
I let out a frustrated sigh, the moment I’d been dreading had finally come. “Oh shit. Alright,” I replied, my tone heavy with hesitation. “But I have to shower first. I feel hot, and believe me, anything you’re going to say won’t mean shit this moment.”
Caleb opened his mouth as if to argue, but then he seemed to reconsider. He nodded instead, his shoulders dropping in acceptance.
It was clear he didn’t want to waste energy on a pointless debate.
“Fine,” he said, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door, now shut.
I could feel his eyes following me as I dragged my feet lazily into the bathroom.
As I shut the door, I glanced in the mirror, taking a moment to study my reflection. My hair was disheveled, and there were shadows beneath my eyes from a restless night.
“Uh, damn. I seriously need to look more like an Alpha and less like a man tormented by his… thoughts.” I muttered.
The emptiness of the bathroom seemed to amplify my voice and Caleb heard it from outside. “Did you say something, Hunter?” his voice rang from behind the door.
“No, no.” I answered, realizing he had heard me speak. “I’m just… talking to myself. Just like any other normal person.”
“Right.” Caleb responded, a bit of sarcasm in his voice.
Stripping off quickly and turning on the shower, I let the cold water splash on my face, hoping it would shake off my uneasiness about… like a thousand things.
“You gotta get it together, man.” I whispered through water running down my face, this time more softly.
As I let the water cascade over my body, washing away both sweat and the tension that had built even within my muscles, I prepared my mind to face Caleb and whatever it was he wanted to discuss.
After a while, I finally stepped out, wrapping a towel around my waist. I stared at the mirror again, this time more convinced.
Out of the bathroom, I made way straight to proceed with routine, and soon, I dressed quickly in a fitted black shirt and dark pants.
I thought the fabric hugged my muscles just right. As I buttoned up, I could hear Caleb pacing outside the closet, his footsteps the only sound in the chambers.
“Alright man. Let’s get this over with,” I muttered but, loud enough for him to hear me, pushing open the closet door to find him waiting impatiently.
His expression shifted as he saw me. “Finally,” he said, pushing away from the wall he’d been leaning on. “We have important matters to discuss.”
“Right. Let’s talk,” I replied, gesturing for him to take a seat at my desk.
I could tell he was eager to dive into whatever pressing matter was on his mind. But seeing him now, the thoughts of Faelen and how she had both made us react to each other crept into my mind.
Caleb’s eyes narrowed slightly, reading my expression. “You okay? You seem… distracted.”
I waved a hand dismissively, trying to shake off the feelings of guilt and shame that had formed in me. “I’m fine. Just a little restless. What’s going on?”
He leaned forward, his expression serious. “There’s been talk about the Steeprock pack. They seem to be mobilizing more aggressively than we thought. We seriously need a plan, Hunter.”
Caleb’s words hit me with surprise. I hadn’t expected a movement of that sort from them this quick.