FEW WEEKS LATER….
I stood before Nicole’s tombstone, the crisp winter air stinging my face. I recalled it was just a usual day of me waiting for some news at the hospital while thinking of a way, a glimmer of hope, to save Nicole. But then the hospital’s call came with its final blow.
“Mr. Clinton, we’re sorry to inform you that Nicole passed away last night, surrounded by our staff.”
The words were shocking, though I’d known it was coming. I had visited her once before her death and watched her fade away, bit by bit.
But now I gazed down at the tombstone, the inscription reading:
“Nicole
Loving Mother and Friend
Forever in Our Hearts”
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as memories flooded my mind: Nicole’s smile, her laughter, her final moments with the girls.
The girls…
How would they cope without their mother? I thought about the faces they would make when I got back, for Sarah and my mother had assured me they would break the news themselves in the most gentle and compassionate way possible, before I returned.
I trusted Sarah and my mother to handle this difficult task. My mother had moved in when I told her about Nicole and the kids, and ever since, she had learned the girls’ personalities, their strengths, and weaknesses. I was certain she and Sarah would find the right words to soften the blow.
As I imagined the girls’ reactions, my heart ached. Hayden’s stoic facade would crumble, revealing a deep well of pain. Harper’s tears would flow freely, her emotional vulnerability exposing her, drowning away her sarcasm. And Elizabeth, my poor baby, her confusion would give way to sadness, and I could only hope she would be able to handle it well.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the days ahead. Returning home, facing their grief, and guiding them through this would be a daunting task.
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of responsibility. I had to be strong for them, help them navigate this unbearable loss.
But I was determined to be their rock, their safe haven, all the while Sarah would be mine.
As we stood there, surrounded by the quiet of the cemetery, I whispered a promise to Nicole’s memory: “I’ll take care of them. They’ll always know how much you loved them.”
I took one last look at Nicole’s tombstone, and with a heavy heart, I walked away from the cemetery, leaving Nicole’s final resting place behind.
I started the engine and drove away, the cemetery disappearing from view.
The drive home seemed endless, my mind replaying memories I had to forget in order to move on with my life.
As I pulled into the driveway, I took another deep breath, preparing myself to face the girls.
—
As I stepped into the house, my eyes locked on the girls, all seated on the couch. Hayden and Elizabeth leaned on Sarah while Harper was leaning on my mother’s shoulder. They quickly noticed me and sprang out of the couch to meet me.
“Daddy?” Hayden whispered, her voice trembling as she enveloped me in a tight embrace. Harper and Elizabeth did the same.
Sarah and my mother stood in the background, their faces somber. They nodded, reassuring me that they’d done their best to prepare the girls.
I crouched down and the girls buried their faces in my chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Elizabeth clung to my leg, her eyes welling up. Hayden’s tears streamed down her face as she hugged me tightly.
“Is she really gone?” Harper whispered, her voice muffled against my chest.
“She is, sweetie. And I’ll miss her too,” I replied, my grip tightening. Harper had always been the smart one but was also more delicate than the rest. I guessed Hayden was still struggling to come to terms with the loss.
“Why… why…” Hayden’s sobs grew louder as she pulled away, her voice quaking. It was as if the dam holding back her grief had burst, flowing uncontrollably.
Her body shook with convulsive sobs, each one ripping through my chest like a knife.
I glanced at Sarah, silently requesting help. She came just in time, wrapping her arms around her.
“Hayden, it’s alright. We… we are here for you,” she assured, her eyes welling. “You’ll get through this. We all will,” she added, and I knew that was also an assurance to me, not just the kids.
Elizabeth followed after her, her cries now audible as she pulled away. “So I will never see Mommy again?” She choked on her words, her eyes filled with tears.
This was what I was afraid of; it seemed the kids had awaited confirmation from me that their mother had really died. How was I meant to take away their pain? Just how could I get them to forget?
I pulled Elizabeth and Harper back into my arms, holding them tightly as they wailed.
“It’s okay, baby,” I whispered, my own voice cracking. “It’s okay to cry.”
Meanwhile, Hayden continued sobbing, her tears mingling with Elizabeth and Harper as they clung to each other.
The room dissolved into a sea of sorrow, our collective grief echoing. My mother joined in, wrapping Sarah and Hayden together in a hug as the storm of grief raged on.
As we hugged, the weight of responsibility settled on me. Things were going to get rough, but I hoped it wouldn’t last for long.
“Let’s sit down, girls,” I managed to speak gently and stood up.
We moved to the couch, the girls snuggling up beside me. I took a deep breath, searching for the right words. Sarah and my mother had done their part; it’s time for mine.
“Mommy may not be here physically,” I began, “but she’ll always be with us.”
The girls looked up, their eyes searching for reassurance. The twins, being more mature, looked at me in disbelief.
“That’s a lie, Daddy,” Harper spat, her voice bitter. “That lie is for Elizabeth, not me.”
Shit, this girl.
“In our hearts, I meant to say, Harper,” I countered gently, stroking her cheek. “In our hearts, and you’d be surprised how easy it will be to live on with it.”
“Your daddy is right,” my mother chimed in with a smile as she gently pinched their cheeks. “So just cry and let it out, then you’ll be free from the pain and grief.”
Harper and Hayden exchanged glances and then looked back at me. They didn’t utter another word but snuggled back into my arms again. I hoped they listened to that. They were right; anyway, that speech was meant for Elizabeth, not them. I knew I would sulk at sharing the devastating news with them; that’s why I let Sarah and my mother do it in the first place.
I pulled them closer while Sarah sat beside me, joining in the embrace. My mother did the same, enveloping us in a warm, comforting circle.
In that moment, we found solace in each other’s presence. The girls’ tears slowed, replaced by sniffles and gentle sobs.
As we hugged, the world outside receded, leaving only the warmth of our love and the promise of a brighter tomorrow. I knew the kids would strive and I would too.