His voice was both teasing and serious. My face burned with embarrassment, all my private thoughts and feelings, secrets… exposed. How could he? He wasn’t supposed to know of my feelings in this way. Worst of it all, he seemed displeased. This early discovery ruined my plans. Our relationship was supposed to be slow and gradual until he feels something for me but now…
Oh, this is awkward.
I lifted my face to look at him, my mind racing with different excuses to calm the heightened tension.
“Mr. Clinton… I can explain…” I stuttered, but he raised his hand to silence me.
“No, you don’t have to. Your diary explained it all.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Should I just use this opportunity to explain my feelings for him personally, telling him how much I love him despite our age difference? “Mr. Clinton…”
He silenced me again, his gaze never faltering from me. “Now that I know about your feelings, it’s only fair you know about mine.”
Nervousness bubbled inside me, anticipation to hear what he had to say was palpable in my gaze as I look at him with curiosity. “I want to hear it.”
A feeling of hope washed over me as I felt the warmth in my chest. Does he feel something for me unbeknownst to me?
Just say it, please.
He took a few steps closer, each sound of his feet smooth and alluring, aggravating the fervor within me. Our eyes were locked in an earnest stare. My heart pulsated with ardor as he stopped a few inches from me.
“I don’t love you, Sarah.”
Like a sinking ship, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. My enthusiasm came tumbling down, smacking me in the face. A silent sigh of disappointment escaped my lips as my eyes flashed with hurt.
“Not… even… a bit…?” I asked, my voice barely audible.
He sighed and looked away. “Sarah, I care about you deeply but not the way you want me to.”
“Why!” I snapped, my voice breaking. “Why can’t you? If we give ourselves some time, it will develop further…”
“Sarah, you need to forget about it and move on.” He cut me off abruptly with a stern tone. He then let out a soft sigh, his voice softened. “For your sake and mine.”
My face scrunched up, digesting his cruel words. Forget my feelings? Move on? Those are things I wouldn’t think of.
I made my decision to make things clear between us. He should know. We don’t have a solid relationship yet.
Fine!
He has found the diary.
Fine!
I chose to go with the flow.
I strode towards him, shortening the distance between us. “I can’t. I can never forget how I feel about you.”
He attempted to step backwards, but I quickly held his arm, stopping his advance. “I… love…”
“DON’T SAY IT, SARAH!” He yelled, his face darkening as he slapped my hands off his arm. “Don’t say it. Don’t act on your feelings. I can’t drown myself into juvenile love.”
I gasped, heartbroken by his harsh remark on my love for him. The weight of his words crushed me.
Juvenile? Is that what he thinks?
My eyes welled up, a tear threatening to outflow even as I blinked. Despite my struggle to remain composed, a stray tear rolled down my cheek.
“Why are you being so cold all of a sudden? Is it because you found out of my feelings for you?”
His dark gaze softened when he noticed my tears, a hint of guilt glinted in his eyes. “I know you think you are in love, but trust me, you deserve someone your own age.”
“I don’t give a damn about the age gap. I don’t care if you’re older than me. All I want is you, Mr. Clinton. YOU AND NO ONE ELSE!” I screamed at the top of my voice, my emotions spilling out of me, and I knew he could feel it. It’s palpable. I sniffed, another tear streamed down my face, and he was just watching me with a helpless gaze.
“Sarah…” He was lost for words. He placed his hands gently on my shoulders, leaning to meet the height difference. “This can’t happen. I’m your father’s best friend, and it’s wrong on so many levels.”
I wiped my tears with the back of my palm, my eyes flickering in defiance. “Your wrong is my right. The only concept I understand is you.”
His hand slid off my shoulders helplessly. He turned around, ready to walk away, but in a desperate dash, I propelled myself forward, falling into his broad back. My hands wrapped around his torso, tightly gripping, inhaling his manly scent.
His body stiffened, caught off guard by my swift and selfish deed.
I want him, all of him, just one more thing, and that’s ravishing his rosy lips.
A sense of satisfaction swirled inside me, a small smile tugged up my lips as I held onto my passionate embrace.
“Sarah, let go.” His voice shattered my tranquility, painfully reminding me of the unrequited love, the one he clearly stated can never be reciprocated. “Let go while I’m still nice.”
I teetered, but on the brink of yielding, defiance pummeled in me, unleashing the stubborn Sarah I have always been.
“I won’t let go until you give me hope.”
He exhaled deeply and forcefully dislodged my hands from his torso. I was helpless against his virile strength. His piercing gaze fell on me, causing my heart to skip a beat.
“Let’s pretend this never happened for the sake of our friendship and your father’s trust in me.”
Realization hit me hard to the core. My jaw dropped at the painful and most horrible, heart-twisting moment of my life.
He rejected me.
‘Let’s forget this never happened?’ Those words rang in my head.
How is that possible?
“Mr. Clinton, please…” He completely ignored me and walked out of the living room, leaving me heartbroken. I wanted to run after him and hold him the same way I did earlier, but my knees felt weak. “Mr. Clinton…” I called him, but he had disappeared out of sight.
Hot tears streamed down my cheek. I couldn’t control it anymore. I let my emotions get the best of me, soaking into a sea of disappointment and hurt.
I had always thought I would someday outright confess to him in a more romantic way, a time when I have imprinted myself in him, when there would be no stopping me from making him fall for me. But those dreams are shattered. Everything is ruined!
I would have to try twice as hard to get a fresh start, that’s if he gives me a chance.
He doesn’t seem ready to accept my feelings, and it breaks my fragile heart the moment I think of it.
Regret, disappointment, and despair overwhelm me as I march towards the exit.
I need to bury these emotions before they tear me apart.