He stays quiet for a while, collecting his thoughts before speaking. “It’s been hell since you left New York, Nadine.”
I interrupt him, my words spilling out in a rush. “Since I left New York or since you sent me out of your house?” I ask, in a bitter voice.
“Do you think I’d want to be anywhere close to you here in America? I was happy when I was invited to Canada to stay, and that was one of the best decisions of my life. There, I had peace.”
Logan’s eyes narrow, his face tense, but he says nothing, letting the silence stretch out between us.
“I know I wasn’t the best to you, I’ve spent every day of my life trying to right my wrongs. But when I saw the huge difference between your face and the picture I was sent, I knew at that time that I had behaved badly.”
He pauses, collecting his thoughts before continuing.
“That’s by the way, Logan,” I retorted. “I wouldn’t want to dwell on something that’s a closed chapter in my life. But my question is, who prevented you from coming close to me?”
“What’s the point of telling you when I know you won’t believe me?” Logan says in frustration.
“Many things have gone wrong between us that I don’t even know how to go about things again.”
He’s right, I would doubt him if he told me, but a part of me wants to believe what he has to say. One thing I know is that Logan cares – he would have reached out if he hadn’t stopped doing so.
“Try me, Logan,” I say, looking at him. “See if I won’t believe you.”
Logan throws his head back and sighs loudly. “Okay, Nadine,” turning to me again, his eyes locking onto mine.
“Say it, Logan,” I press, my impatience growing.
He takes a deep breath, his words spilling out in a rush.
“Sydney, she blocked every means for me to reach you,” his eyes pleading for me to believe him.
I look at him, and I almost want to laugh.
“Sydney?” I say again, the laughter almost tumbling out of my mind, but I control it.
“Sydney?” I ask again, not sure I hear him right
Logan nods, with seriousness.
“Okay, how is Sydney connected to this whole thing?” I ask.
But rather than responding to the question, he asks me, “Do you know what Sydney does for a living?”
Now that he asks, my mind goes back to my stay in Canada. I noticed that she never told me what she does for a living.
She goes to work in a fancy car and dresses up, then comes back. I shake my head slowly.
“No, Logan, what does she do for a living?”
“She’s a tech wizard,” he says, his eyes locked on mine. “She covers up tracks, so she did that with me. She blocked every means I could get in touch with you.”
“Tech expert?” I ask again. “Covering up tracks?”
Logan nods, “Yes, Nadine. She’s been using her skills to keep us apart, to make it seem like I abandoned you. But I didn’t. I’ve been trying to reach you, to make things right.”
I feel a shiver run down my spine as the truth begins to sink in.
I shake my head, trying to process it all. It can’t be true. Sydney would never betray me like that. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.
The way she would always change the subject when I asked about her work, the way she would disappear for hours at a time without explanation.
I look at Logan, and for the first time, I see the sincerity in his eyes. I see the pain and the hurt that he’s been carrying around for so long.
“Tell me everything.”
Logan takes a deep breath. “After months of looking for you, I finally got a lead, and that was when I showed up at the hospital. I was told you were pregnant with our son.”
“I wanted to be there with you through the journey of delivery, but I was blocked.”
My heart goes out to him. Then my mind goes to the phone calls I had where once I picked up, I wouldn’t hear the voice of the person on the other line.
Most times, I had to resort to using a phone booth to reach out to my mom.
“I remember those calls, I thought it was just bad reception, but now I realize… Sydney was behind it, wasn’t she?”
Logan nods, “Yes, she was. She did everything in her power to keep us apart, to make it seem like I abandoned you.”
He pauses, collecting his thoughts. “But I didn’t, Nadine. I’ve been fighting to get back to you, to our son.”
I look at Logan, my heart aching as I see the pain in his eyes. “I was crushed, seeing that I couldn’t come close to you or my son. I know our marriage was on contract, but I wish it more than anything for it to be real. I’m not wooing you again, but I just want to be in my boy’s life.”
I feel a lump form in my throat as I process his words. Why didn’t he come back after that day at the hospital? I ask him, I know I’ve asked so many questions, but I wish he could show himself again, to be with our son.
But I guess it was wishful thinking that won’t happen.
Logan’s face twists in anger. “Sydney got a third-party restraining order on your behalf without your knowledge, so I had to stay away from you.” He spits out the words in disgust.
“She used the legal system to keep us apart, to keep me from my son.”
A restraining order? Without my knowledge?
I’m dumbfounded, to hear that she got a restraining order. I don’t know how I should feel about this whole situation right now.
First, she blocked every trace of Logan reaching out to me, and now she got a restraining order without informing me.
Logan’s eyes plead for understanding. “I know I should have done better by reaching out despite the restraining order,” he says, with regret.
“But when I think about the hatred I saw in your eyes at the delivery room, I decided to stay back.” He pauses, with an intense gaze.
“But believe me, Nadine, no day passes that I don’t think about you and our son.”
I look at Logan, really look at him, I want to believe him, to trust him, but the wounds of the past are still on my mind.
I imagine him watching us from a distance, seeing another man play father to his son, and it’s clear how much it hurts him.
“I fucking hate the fact that someone else is playing father to my son,” he says, with a low raw voice.
I can sense the pain and frustration emanating from him, and my mind races with thoughts of what he might have felt.
I can’t imagine not being able to gain access to my family, despite seeing them every day, not being able to come close to my boy. My heart aches for him.
As we drive, I realize we’re headed to my mother’s house. “I’m not going this way, Logan,” I say. “Can you turn around and take me to my house?”
“No, Nadine, please let’s go see Shawn,” Logan says. “I want to be a part of his life.” He says it in a way that tugs at my heart.
“Okay,” I say finally, and soon we’re parked outside my mom’s house. Logan slowly opens the door for me, and I step out.
Walking inside the house, I see Ethan, and my stomach twists into knots. I don’t feel so good about this. Logan’s face contorts in fury, his eyes blazing with anger.