Lost in the moment, my arms wrapped around his shoulders and threw away all the worries and everything in my head and I began to remember how incredible it felt to be the center of his world again.
All I thought it was a dream. I didn’t protest when he picked me up in a bridal style and started walking out of the night bar. I even wrapped my arms around his neck as I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Where are we going?” I asked him when I noticed that we had been walking for a few minutes — I mean to say, he had been walking for a few minutes carrying me in his arms since we left the night bar.
“We are going back to the cottage.” He replied, his voice was serious, so I looked up to see his face with an emotionless expression.
“Put me down.” I told him, tapping his arm that was wrapping around my legs.
“No, Sam, you need to rest and to sleep now.” He then replied without even looking at me so I started to struggle in his arms.
“No! Put me down! I want to go back to the bar! If you hadn’t come, I would have drunk the tequila I ordered from Gerry earlier!”
“Stay still! You’re not going back there — not ever!” He gave a quick grim look before continuing to walk down the pathway that led to the cottage.
“And why not? I will go back to that bar if not tonight, maybe tomorrow night.”
“You can’t! I won’t let you set foot in that bar or to any other bars again!”
“And why not?” I repeated the question to which he didn’t answer. “Who are you to tell me what to do or not?”
“Sam —”
“Put me down!”
“Sam, you’re my girlfriend —”
“No, you’re not! So, put me down!” I blurted out, glaring at him.
He was stunned by my sudden outburst that he instantly let my feet touch the ground.
“You’re not my boyfriend and this is just a dream, so stop caring about me and please don’t you ever tell me that you love me again because I don’t want to get used to it!”
“Samantha … ”
“Because I know that when I wake up you’re already gone! When I wake up we will go back to how we were before… we will go back to being strangers again!” And I don’t know, but maybe due to the effect of the alcohol, I suddenly felt like crying… and that was it… I just felt the warm liquid running down my face.
He tried to wipe my face using his hand but I swatted it and without saying a word, I ran across the sand towards the water… away from him.
“Sam, where are you going?”
I heard him calling my name but I ignored him.
“Samantha, wait for me!” He yelled after me as I continued to ran towards the water.
I don’t understand why I was crying that time. I suddenly felt helpless. I don’t want him to see me cry, so I want to stay away from him as much as possible, but he was there, still following behind me.
“Go back to the cottage and stop following me!” I stopped running for a while to talk to him but I made the wrong move as he finally caught up with me.
“No! Do you think I will let you run out here knowing you’re drunk?” He grabbed me by the elbow. I tried to take his hand off me but he was so strong and I failed to do it.
“Why are you following me and what is it with you if I run or if I stay here all night? Why do you care?” I wiped away the stupid tears streaming down my face.
“Sam, I care for you because I love you!”
Hearing those words for the second time made the painful sobs to bubble out my throat. Why did it seem like instead of being happy I felt even more hurt? Is it because I know he’s not mine and never will be?
“Didn’t I tell you to stop saying those words?”
“Sam I — ”
“Don’t you know how hard it is to see you every day knowing that someone else already owns you? Don’t you know how much it hurts me to think that I should have been Tanya — that I should have been in her place? Every day, I always went back to the moment we last met… to the moment you said goodbye two years ago and each time I couldn’t help but wish I hadn’t let you go… I wish I held on to you and asked you to stay. And now how I wish I was the one who’s with you everyday and not her… that your world still revolves around me and not her.”
I paused to give space to the sob that wanted to escape out my throat.
“David, do you know how hard it is to pretend that everything is fine with me even when the truth is that it almost breaks my heart just thinking about what you are doing or what you two are doing? It hurts so much, but I can’t do anything because first, she’s your girlfriend and I’m just your ex-girlfriend and second, I have no rights! I have no right to think about you, I have no right to be jealous, I have no right to get angry and most of all have no right to feel this way because you’re not mine!”
This time he successfully wiped my tears away with his hands no matter how much I tried to swat them away.
“I’ve been meaning to come back here to New York to see you and thinking if you’re still single, I’ll do anything to get your attention again. You’re the reason I came back here again, but what I didn’t know was that I was too late for a long time.”
“I’m sorry,” The first two words that left his mouth. And God — looking at his apologetic eyes made me feel even more helpless.
“Why are you saying sorry?” I asked, staring at him with eyes full of stupid tears. I slowly felt my head getting heavier and it was like everything around me was spinning and making me dizzy every second, but I still continued to listen to him.
“I’m sorry if I’m causing you pain… if I’m hurting you.”
Even though I was starting to feel uncomfortable, I still managed to shake my head and laughed painfully in front of him.
“It’s the last thing that I wanted to do, be the reason for your tears, but I failed to do so, so I’m sorry,”
I couldn’t help but frown at what he said but I lost for words as he already pulled me into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Sam, I didn’t know you were hurting because of me.” I felt his hold tighten as he kissed the top of my head repeatedly. “But believe me when I say I love you because it’s true,”
I wanted to ask him how he could say those words when he already had a girlfriend, but suddenly I felt my vision go dark and the last thing I remembered was his scream.
“Sam!”