If she noticed my erection growing against her she gave no indication. It took a few minutes until she had regained her senses. She sat up slowly, dragging my nearly asleep arm across one of her breasts in the process. Her nipple traced a line across my palm, and it felt like a live wire against my skin. I was glad I had limited motor control as I was sorely tempted to squeeze.
“Sorry,” She said weekly. “It came in the mail.”
“What did?”
“I.. I..” she stammered.
“Shhhh. It’s okay,” I reassured her. “Go get dried off. I’ll check it out.”
I helped her stand, grateful that we had enough hot water still. She lifted her head and I think that was the first time she noticed I was naked. I wasn’t sure but I thought she lingered a little on my erection. She turned red, mumbled something that sounded like “sorry”, and hurried out of the bathroom.
I dried off quickly then wrapped the towel around my waist and headed into the kitchen. Most of the mail usually wound up on the kitchen island, so it was a safe bet that’s where I’d find whatever set her off. It wasn’t hard to find. There were papers scattered all across the counter and floor. I reached down and scooped them up, flipping through them as I did.
Newspaper clippings. Notes. Manuscript pages. Photos of us throughout the years. And one letter from an author. Jesus. This idiot was trying to impress us with samples of his research, hoping this would convince us to work with him. Instead, it felt more like a stalker’s practice run. All this did was bring back the memories we’d much rather forget. In Jessica’s case, this wasn’t just a memory; this was reliving it.
I gathered up all the papers and stuffed them back into the manila folder they came in. This could wait until the morning; Jessica couldn’t.
I figured she would be in my room and, walking into it, I was right. She had changed into a dry shirt and was under the covers. She wasn’t asleep; instead she was watching my every move. I was in a tricky situation. I was still wearing a towel but probably couldn’t leave her again to change.
“Uh. Close your eyes for a minute,” I told her. She hesitated at first, then closed them.
I turned around, grabbed some shorts, and attempted to keep the towel covering as much as I could as I quickly pulled them up.
“Jace, I’m sorry,” She said softly as she rested her head on my shoulder after I laid down.
“It’s okay Jess,” I put my arm around her.
“You say that. You always say that.”
“Because it’s always true.” I smiled at her. “Now let’s get some sleep.”
I tapped the lamp and turned it off. I lay on my back with my hands behind my head and stared up at the dark ceiling. The blue numbers from my clock dimly showed my ceiling fan spinning lazily overhead. Jessica’s hand reached over and lay on my chest.
“Jace?” she asked me a few minutes later
“Yeah?”
“You won’t leave me, will you?”
“Why would you think that?” I asked
She was silent for a moment, then, “I know I’m a mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re my sister.”
“Is that all?” her voice was breathy and shaky
“What do you mean?” My heart started racing as I thought of some of what had happened recently.
“Have you…” she hesitated, and I could feel her trembling. “Have you ever thought of me as something… anything… more?”
Recent events played out in my mind in rapid succession. Things I’ve seen, things I’ve thought. I knew I should feel ashamed of them but I didn’t. They aroused me and pulled at my thoughts constantly. I swallowed hard before answering her.
“Yes,” I admitted, barely a whisper. “Lately.”
Any other words I might’ve said died in my throat as she leaned over and kissed me. Her touch was light, her lips barely brushing mine. I could feel the uncertainty in her and I knew she was waiting to see what I would do. I realized that whatever I did next would be a deciding moment. I was momentarily conflicted between what society had conditioned us to believe and what my heart was telling me. It only took me a heartbeat to figure out what I wanted to do. What I needed to do.
I reached up, wrapping my arms around my sister and pulled her closer. I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her back.
That was obviously the sign she had been waiting for. Her arms wrapped around my neck instantly and her mouth opened to slide her tongue into mine. All hesitation and uncertainty evaporated between us as our passion rose. She moaned slightly as our tongues danced across each other and our hands sought to pull the other even closer. I felt something wet drip onto my cheek and I pulled back, lookup up at her. In the dim light I could see her eyes glistening, tears slowly falling.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, wiping the tears away.
“Nothing,” she choked out. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just relieved that something finally feels right.”
“You know, we probably shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Maybe,” she nodded. “But I don’t care.”
Jess pressed her lips to mine again and fire coursed through me as we kissed. She moaned softly as I held her tight against me. Our tongues intertwined, and I wasn’t sure how far she wanted to go. A part of me wanted to take her right then and there but I held it in check. My instincts were justified when she pulled back, breathing hard and looking somewhat dazed. Jess smiled at me, wiped her eyes, then rested her head on my shoulder.
“Are you okay?” I asked, struggling to get my hormones back under control.
“I am now,” she looked up at me. “Can you hold me?”
I wrapped my arms around her.
“Tighter?” she requested, and I pulled her closer against me. She sighed, snuggling against me, “This. This is where I belong.”
We lay there quietly as sleep slowly took over. As I drifted off to sleep, I barely felt Jess lightly kiss my shoulder.
“I love you,” she whispered.
*****
I woke up slowly the next morning before the alarm went off. When I opened my eyes, I saw Jess sitting on the bed, looking at me. Between the two of us, she had always been the earlier riser. She met my gaze and smiled sweetly at me.
“Hey, you,” I said.
“Hey back,” she smiled at me.
“What are you doing?”
“Watching you sleep,” she sighed and lay down beside me. “Show’s over now.”
“Doesn’t sound like a very fun show. You should get your money back for those tickets.”
“No way. It was wonderful.”
She took my hand in hers and intertwined our fingers.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah. Just wondering.”
“Wondering what?”
“If I dreamed last night or if it was real.” I could hear the worry in her voice. I could understand it. A lot of things happened at night that people tried to take back in the morning.
I rolled over and rolled Jess onto her back. Softly, I kissed her as she wrapped her arms around my neck. A few minutes later I pulled back and asked, “Does that answer your question?”
Her watery eyes sparkled as she beamed up at me. Giggling like a school-girl, she nodded then pulled me back down for another kiss. We lay there, making out for a while until my alarm went off.
“Well,” I said, turning off the alarm, “Guess the real world is calling.”
“It can leave a message,” she said, pulling me back down for a few more kisses.
It was hard to concentrate in class that day. Jess and I shared all of our classes so she was a constant presence beside me. I found myself looking over at her more than once, and every time I did the rest of the world faded out of existence. She would catch me looking and just smile sweetly at me. A couple of times she’d give me a wink and I felt my stomach flutter like I was a middle school boy with a crush.