AUTHORS NOTE: MY SINCERE APOLOGIES FOR CHAPTER 466 (Something More:85) iT WAS A MIZ UP. kINDLY IGNORE THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING.
HERE IS THE CONTINUATION:
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“… It was like a cleanse. Or, I don’t know, penicillin. This whole trip, I’ve felt like I was being consumed by this all-encompassing need. Like a disease that had taken hold of me. But after last night. After the, um, the stuff we did. We were lying together on the floor, and I realized that urge had disappeared. Like I’d finally sweated out the fever, and it was… Gone. The urges, all of it. Even looking back now, none of it really makes sense to me. Like that was a different person. I’m not saying I didn’t make those choices. I know I did. But, at the same time, I can honestly say that it wasn’t me. And I have no intention of ever doing that again.”
I raised my eyebrow.
“I mean it, Paul,” Emily said, “I’m over him. Over all of this. I couldn’t be more over it, honestly. Whatever happened last night snapped me out of it. Lying in your arms, that’s all I want.”
“So why did you go away?” I asked. I couldn’t stop myself. “I heard you in the bedroom.”
Emily gave me a confused look. “I slept by myself last night. I woke up in the middle of the night, hurting like hell. I tried to get you up, but it was like rousing a bear. So, I slipped away and passed out.”
I thought back to what I’d heard behind the closed door. To be fair, Cassie had never explicitly told me where Emily had gone. I’d made assumptions, but I didn’t know anything for sure. Those sounds could have been Allison, I supposed. It didn’t add up, but I couldn’t completely disprove what Emily had told me, either.
“What about with Mike?” I asked, “The things you said. Flashing him in the parks. The, um, oral.”
Emily’s face grew very serious. “Are you honestly going to tell me I saw everything that went on with you this whole trip?” She looked pointedly over my shoulder; at the bedroom I’d slipped out of that morning.
I thought back. Had there been moments that Emily missed? Yes, there’d been sex with Cassie the night before. And a few makeout sessions with Allison. I guess I felt like I’d shared every secret with my wife. But, of course, that couldn’t be true. I could only narrate my own story, after all. Her perspective had to be different. But I couldn’t stop the sense of something more from irking at me.
“None of that stuff matters,” Emily said, squeezing me firmly. “I don’t care what you did. Whatever happened, it’s forgiven. Forgotten. We both lost control this weekend. But it’s us going forward. You and me. And soon, baby, too.”
I nodded. A little smile forced its way onto my face.
“Trust me, I’m done,” Emily said, “So, so done. Extra super over it. Over Jack, over the sharing… The whole thing. I just want to go home, be with my husband, and have a family. For real. I promise. It’s done done.”
*
When we got off the tram, Mike, Allison, Emily and I turned left, but Jack started to go right.
“Our flight’s later,” Cassie said, grabbing Jack’s arm. “We’ll come wait with you guys.”
Jack looked at her, incredulous. Like his wife had announced she wanted to take a cactus bath. He extricated his arm from Cassie. In a mirror of the first time we met him, Jack gave us all quick, curt handshakes. He didn’t say anything. Even the cold fire of his ice blue eyes seemed quenched.
As Jack shook my hand, I noticed something about him. The look on his face, the slight twist to his mouth. He didn’t seem assured anymore. Or, if he did, he looked like he was trying too hard to convince me of it. Instead, his expression told me something different.
At first, I couldn’t figure out what it was. But then I realized: he was sad.
I thought about everything I knew about Jack. Had I ever, truly, seen him look happy? Meeting us for the first time, he’d done everything he could to project a feeling of confidence. Whenever feelings showed up, he brushed them away. Even when his family had melted down before our eyes — his kids storming off to who-knows-where, maybe to never speak to him again — Jack had made it clear that it couldn’t touch him. Instead, he’d only thrown himself back into the fray.
At the time, I’d assumed that Jack was just a cool customer. Too ‘over it all’ to ever be hurt by things. Now, looking into those grey-blue eyes, I recognized that he was just numb. He was an addict, looking for that next hit to keep him going. Only his body had stopped responding to the highs.
I guess I was supposed to concede that Jack had ‘won.’ He’d conquered my wife, reconfigured my marriage, done everything he could to rip the veil of innocence from our eyes and expose us to the ugly truths of our animal desires. But like the contestant on Let’s Make A Deal who opens door number two and finds nothing but a goat chewing on a piece of grass, I couldn’t exactly see how Jack was the winner here.
He was going home to be alone again. His only comfort anger and regret. His hot wife, his successful business, his next conquest — Jack had all the trophies. But he’d yet to figure out how to sate the monster of misery that was inexorably consuming his soul. He never would. Not even with a cadre of genies carrying fistfuls of wishes along the way.
I could acknowledge that I resented Jack. As much as I’d been a willing participant, even an instigator at times, I’d never forgive him for how he’d taken advantage of our innocence. But I also knew, with perfect clarity, that I didn’t envy him. Not even a little bit.
Jack let go of my hand, then clapped Emily on the shoulder. After all that they’d shared, he gave her nothing more than a nod.
“It’s been lovely,” Jack said.
He turned the other way and limped down the hall. Looking more and more like a tiny, decrepit man as he faded into the crowd. Lost amongst the infinite number.
I turned to look at Emily, expecting that devoted, pining look as her eyes chased after her lover. Instead, my wife’s attention was already elsewhere. What she’d told me that morning about her and Jack, I guessed she’d meant it.
The five of us strolled over to our gate, then found seats. Allison and Mike sat across from us while Cassie and Emily flanked me on either side. My wife gripped my arm so hard, my fingers were starting to go numb.
“I’m going to get something from the Starbucks,” Allison said, “You want anything?”
I realized the question had been directed at me. I nodded, carefully extricating myself from Emily. Allison strode off with purpose, a lioness heading to the hunt. I felt like it took me two steps to match her one. We got in line for coffee, a wait longer than security, and settled there.
I glanced back at our group. After five days of this, I was unable to control my continuous suspicion that illicit activities would occur on as soon as I stopped paying attention. But my well-honed paranoia was now misplaced.
Mike buried his nose in his phone. Emily rooted through our carry-on and pulled out a sweater. Cassie chatted idly with them both. You know, like normal human beings rather than the sex-crazed maniacs we’d all devolved into.
I looked back at Allison. She was glaring somewhere distant. The muscles around her jaw were tight, like tripwire.
“You OK?” I asked, genuinely concerned.
“Fine,” Allison said, “Sorry. I’ve got some things to think about. This weekend was a lot.”
“It was,” I said, “But I don’t regret what we shared. I hope you know how much it meant to me. How much it continues to mean to me.”
I waited for Allison to count my words off on her fingers. I thought for sure she’d be celebrating a new record. Instead, she worked her teeth like she was rolling a jawbreaker between them.
“It was important to me too,” Allison said. She glanced meaningfully over at her husband. I got the sense she was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t read it. “To everyone, clearly. I guess I’m still trying to work it all out.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure what else there was to say.
“You and Emily are alright?” Allison asked, finally turning my way.
“We’re figuring it out,” I said, surprised at how easily the honesty came to my lips. “She says she’s over it all. Wants to move forward, but… I guess we’ll see. You and Mike?”
“Like I said,” Allison said, looking gloomy, “This weekend was a lot. I thought I had it all handled. Now I’m not so sure.”
“I know what you mean,” I said.
“You and I will still be friends though, right? Regardless?”
“I don’t know how we could be anything else,” I said.
It was meant to be reassuring, but I saw that what I said set Allison off again. Was it possible to be too connected? Maybe there’s a point where there are so many wires plugged in, you can’t untangle them. Or worse, you blow the whole line.
“I know Emily feels the same way,” I said, trying to recover. “Your friendship means the world to us both.”
“Yes,” Allison said, clearly distracted by her own train of thought. “Emily and you. Me and Mike. Friends.”
“Speaking of which,” I said, unable to quell my curiosity, “I don’t suppose you noticed our spouses together last night?”
“Um, yeah, Paul?” Allison’s attention snapped right to me. “We all saw them on the couch, remember?”
“No, I mean. After.”
Allison took in a deep breath. Her eyes wandered around the terminal. “Honestly, after that last big blowout, I kinda wandered off,” she said, “I collapsed somewhere, I don’t even know. I’m not sure I remember much of anything clearly.”
I nodded, like that was an answer. But before I could push her further, Allison was at the counter and ordering. The moment was gone.
We walked back to our group, laden with steaming hot cups. The rest of the group had distracted themselves well. Even Cassie had gone quiet. It seemed as if we weren’t using our mouths to make out, we had little use for them.
As soon as we sat down again, however, Mike leaned forward. He looked like a little boy, so excited to share something that he was about to burst.
“I’ve gotta tell you guys,” Mike said, “The more I think about it, the more this trip in March seems like a great idea. Coming back to Disney. Seeing all of you. It would be awesome.”