“Jack, darling, what is it; you’ve gone pale, are you alright? Jack, what’s wrong?” The concern in her voice sent another jolt through me, another tumult of almost-memories making my head spin again, making me groan as the room orbited around me. My stomach lurched, teetering on the edge of violent nausea for a second, before backing down again as a fresh wave of dizziness flooded through me.
“Teruko, get his jacket! Jack, I’m putting your jacket on you, try and help me here, we have to get you to Accident and Emergency, can you stand up?”
“No, no more hospitals, please!” I managed to gasp out. “I just need to lie down, must be tired, please, just let me lie down!”
Somehow, and I have no clear notion how, my mother and Teruko managed to get me up that one short flight of steps and into the bedroom at the top of the stairs; I felt gentle hands unbuttoning my jeans and pulling my snow-boots off, and the covers being pulled up over me, the room spinning and gently revolving around me as whatever was happening to me ran its course. I tried shutting my eyes, but it didn’t help. I tried focussing on one thing in the room, something to fix my attention in an attempt to brake the spinning room, and an oblong plaque on the dresser caught my eye. It was a ceramic ornament of some sort, but even as I stared at it, I could feel more prickles of memory popping and fizzing like microscopic bubbles against the surface of my mind, as it too began to shout at me, demanding that I recognise it; and I did, in a shock so profound that the room slammed to a halt as I saw Teruko give me that plaque, and once again heard her read it to me, mother, and an elderly man, my grandfather, there in the room, dancing firelight, the smell of pine needles and… and…
I woke with a start in my bed, and glanced at my dresser clock; almost 2 a. m. and I was starving. Teruko was lying next to me, deeply asleep, wrapped in my bathrobe and thick fluffy slippers on her feet, so I eased out of bed and slid my jeans on, wondering why my snow-boots were next to the bed, why my jeans were so loose and having to pull my belt in another notch past the usual buckle-hole, and briefly, why the dog was lying across the door; usually, if Teruko fell asleep in my room, or anywhere in the house, for that matter, Senshi would be found stretched out snoring on the floor right next to her; he was never more than a couple of feet from her, but now he was all the way across the room, lying like one of Landseer’s lions in Trafalgar square, in the classic ‘couchant’ position, on his stomach, paws stretched out in front of him, his head up and watching me closely. Odd, I thought, and then dismissed the thought as my stomach rumbled again. I slipped on a pair of loafers and a sweater, and made my way downstairs to the kitchen, Senshi watching me and making no effort to move out of the way, forcing me to step over him.
When I looked in the fridge, oh joy, mum had made Cottage Pie, my favourite, so I spooned some onto a plate and popped it into the microwave, then wandered into the living room to wait while it heated-up. I sat down and picked up the TV remote, Senshi suddenly appearing from nowhere to jump up on the sofa and huff gently at my neck, looking for a share of my snack, no doubt. For some reason, he seemed intensely interested in me; normally, once he’d figured out I had no snacks for him, he buggered off back to wherever Teruko was, as I was no longer important enough for his attention. He was a one-woman dog, and yet now he was all over me, sniffing and nipping at me, licking my face, which I hate (only one person on this entire planet gets to lick my face, and he didn’t look anything like her…), and sticking his nose in my ear. I kept pushing him away, but for some reason he’d suddenly decided I was irresistible; mum had one unbreakable rule; chairs are for humans, and dogs belong on the floor, and if she’d seen this idiot dog trampling all over her couch there would be things said, I knew that for a fact.
“Down boy, down!” I shouted softly, anxious not to wake everyone else, but Senshi wasn’t having any of it, he was excited about something, and he wanted me to share in it with him. Eventually I gave up, unable to push him off the couch: it’s quite difficult to budge an 80lb Labrador when he doesn’t want to be budged, so I settled for clamping his head under my arm to stop his incessant attempts to lick my face.
I flicked on the TV and the satellite box, and turned to the news channel, to watch in puzzlement and growing alarm as weather reports started talking about blizzard conditions in the Midlands and across the Oxfordshire plain, road closures, downed power lines; in June? What the hell was going on?
And then that damned dog decided to start barking at me, his ‘play’ bark, the one he uses when he and Teruko are outside with a tennis ball and his squeaky rubber chicken, a huffing, breathy bark, high-pitched and attention-seeking, his tail going like a propeller as he barked happily at me.
I wrestled with him, trying to grab his snout and clamp his mouth shut, confident that he wouldn’t bite me, he wasn’t that kind of dog, and finally succeeding, hopefully before mum or Teruko heard him and came to see what was going on.
I picked up the remote to turn the volume down even lower, and my eye caught the date at the bottom of the screen. I froze in disbelief, the pit of my stomach dropping away as though I’d swooped down a fairground slide; December 21st, not June, not summer at all. I dropped the remote in shock, staring at the screen, knowing it couldn’t possibly be right, but the evidence of my eyes was irrefutable; it was there on screen; news reports, pictures, and that shocking date at the foot of the screen impossible to argue with. Where the hell had six months gone, where the fuck had I been, what was going on?
Answers, I needed answers, mum would know, she’d tell me. I ran upstairs, the dog racing after me, my hunger forgotten, to knock, and knock again at my mother’s bedroom door. I guess I knocked louder than I knew, because suddenly Teruko was there was well, looking sleepy, and rumpled, and delicious. Mum opened her door and saw the look on my face.
“Jack, what’s the matter, what happened, how are you feeling, is something wrong?”
I was nearly gibbering with panic now, trying to make things come out right in my head.
“Mum, what happened to me, where’s six months gone, why don’t I remember them, what’s going on?”
Mum had started when called her ‘mum’, a strange look in her eyes as she looked closely at me.
“Jack, you… you know who am, don’t you?” she whispered, and I nodded.
“Of course I know who you are, what kind of question is that? Tell me, mum, please, what’s going on, where’s the year gone, why is it nearly Christmas, why don’t I remember anything, how did I get here?”
Mum was crying, as was Teruko, and no-one was answering my questions, until she took my hand and led me into her bedroom, sitting me down on her bed. She kept hold of my hand as she sat next to me.
“Jack, what’s the last thing you remember?”
I looked at her sideways; what was she on about now?
“That’s easy, mum, Teruko and I were planning on having Harry and Sai Fong over for dinner… so how did we get here? I don’t remember driving up here at all! What…?”
Mum squeezed my hand so hard it hurt.
“Jack, you’ve been… sick, since June. Harry brought you home yesterday, both of you, to spend some time with me. How much do you remember, of anything? What’s the last thing you remember, seriously?”
I had to think for a few seconds.
“Going shopping in Lewisham, I parked-up behind the Matalan store, and we took a short-cut through the Docklands Light Railway station. Harry and Sai Fong were coming to dinner and… and that’s all I remember. What happened to me, how did I get sick? Why can’t I remember anything else? Tell me, please!”
Mum looked away, her lip trembling, picking her words carefully.
“Darling, you were… mugged, in Lewisham Station, the boy had a gun, you tried to get to Teruko, and… and, he… shot you… oh Jack, we thought we’d lost you, it was so bad, you lost so much blood, they got you to hospital in time, but the damage… the bullet…!”
She was crying again, obviously deeply distressed, her grip on my hand like iron. I could only sag in shock; I’d been shot? Why was I still alive, HOW was I still alive, if that were true? My total shock and confusion must have shown on my face, mum taking my face between her hands to look into my eyes and speak slowly, calmly as I flinched in shocked reaction.
“Darling, you were in a coma, in hospital in London, since June; Teruko stayed with you the whole time, six months day and night. You finally woke up almost two weeks ago, but you had amnesia, almost total retrograde amnesia, they called it; you didn’t know me, Teruko, Harry, anybody, nothing about your life, your job, nothing; it was like losing you again…! Harry brought you home hoping that this would happen, that you’d remember us, everything…” She paused to wipe her eyes.
“This evening, at dinner, you got sick, confused, we put you to bed, do you remember any of that?”
I shook my head numbly, too stunned to think coherently.