I figured she would be in my room and, walking into it, I was right. She had changed into a dry shirt and was under the covers. She wasn’t asleep; instead she was watching my every move. I was in a tricky situation. I was still wearing a towel but probably couldn’t leave her again to change.
“Uh. Close your eyes for a minute,” I told her. She hesitated at first, then closed them.
I turned around, grabbed some shorts, and attempted to keep the towel covering as much as I could as I quickly pulled them up.
“Jace, I’m sorry,” She said softly as she rested her head on my shoulder after I laid down.
“It’s okay Jess,” I put my arm around her.
“You say that. You always say that.”
“Because it’s always true.” I smiled at her. “Now let’s get some sleep.”
I tapped the lamp and turned it off. I lay on my back with my hands behind my head and stared up at the dark ceiling. The blue numbers from my clock dimly showed my ceiling fan spinning lazily overhead. Jessica’s hand reached over and lay on my chest.
“Jace?” she asked me a few minutes later
“Yeah?”
“You won’t leave me, will you?”
“Why would you think that?” I asked
She was silent for a moment, then, “I know I’m a mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re my sister.”
“Is that all?” her voice was breathy and shaky
“What do you mean?” My heart started racing as I thought of some of what had happened recently.
“Have you…” she hesitated, and I could feel her trembling. “Have you ever thought of me as something… anything… more?”
Recent events played out in my mind in rapid succession. Things I’ve seen, things I’ve thought. I knew I should feel ashamed of them but I didn’t. They aroused me and pulled at my thoughts constantly. I swallowed hard before answering her.
“Yes,” I admitted, barely a whisper. “Lately.”
Any other words I might’ve said died in my throat as she leaned over and kissed me. Her touch was light, her lips barely brushing mine. I could feel the uncertainty in her and I knew she was waiting to see what I would do. I realized that whatever I did next would be a deciding moment. I was momentarily conflicted between what society had conditioned us to believe and what my heart was telling me. It only took me a heartbeat to figure out what I wanted to do. What I needed to do.
I reached up, wrapping my arms around my sister and pulled her closer. I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her back.
That was obviously the sign she had been waiting for. Her arms wrapped around my neck instantly and her mouth opened to slide her tongue into mine. All hesitation and uncertainty evaporated between us as our passion rose. She moaned slightly as our tongues danced across each other and our hands sought to pull the other even closer. I felt something wet drip onto my cheek and I pulled back, lookup up at her. In the dim light I could see her eyes glistening, tears slowly falling.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, wiping the tears away.
“Nothing,” she choked out. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just relieved that something finally feels right.”
“You know, we probably shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Maybe,” she nodded. “But I don’t care.”
Jess pressed her lips to mine again and fire coursed through me as we kissed. She moaned softly as I held her tight against me. Our tongues intertwined, and I wasn’t sure how far she wanted to go. A part of me wanted to take her right then and there but I held it in check. My instincts were justified when she pulled back, breathing hard and looking somewhat dazed. Jess smiled at me, wiped her eyes, then rested her head on my shoulder.
“Are you okay?” I asked, struggling to get my hormones back under control.
“I am now,” she looked up at me. “Can you hold me?”
I wrapped my arms around her.
“Tighter?” she requested, and I pulled her closer against me. She sighed, snuggling against me, “This. This is where I belong.”
We lay there quietly as sleep slowly took over. As I drifted off to sleep, I barely felt Jess lightly kiss my shoulder.
“I love you,” she whispered.
*****
I woke up slowly the next morning before the alarm went off. When I opened my eyes, I saw Jess sitting on the bed, looking at me. Between the two of us, she had always been the earlier riser. She met my gaze and smiled sweetly at me.
“Hey, you,” I said.
“Hey back,” she smiled at me.
“What are you doing?”
“Watching you sleep,” she sighed and lay down beside me. “Show’s over now.”
“Doesn’t sound like a very fun show. You should get your money back for those tickets.”
“No way. It was wonderful.”
She took my hand in hers and intertwined our fingers.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah. Just wondering.”
“Wondering what?”
“If I dreamed last night or if it was real.” I could hear the worry in her voice. I could understand it. A lot of things happened at night that people tried to take back in the morning.
I rolled over and rolled Jess onto her back. Softly, I kissed her as she wrapped her arms around my neck. A few minutes later I pulled back and asked, “Does that answer your question?”
Her watery eyes sparkled as she beamed up at me. Giggling like a school-girl, she nodded then pulled me back down for another kiss. We lay there, making out for a while until my alarm went off.
“Well,” I said, turning off the alarm, “Guess the real world is calling.”
“It can leave a message,” she said, pulling me back down for a few more kisses.
It was hard to concentrate in class that day. Jess and I shared all of our classes so she was a constant presence beside me. I found myself looking over at her more than once, and every time I did the rest of the world faded out of existence. She would catch me looking and just smile sweetly at me. A couple of times she’d give me a wink and I felt my stomach flutter like I was a middle school boy with a crush.
That evening we ordered pizza for dinner and finished what homework we had. As we worked I was reminded what a great team we made. There were things she understood better than me and vice versa. We complimented each other in many ways and more than once she had to bring me back to reality as my mind wandered to this morning.
Finally, our work finished, we cleaned up the kitchen before making our way into the living room. I sat on the sofa and reached for the remote but Jess took it out of my hands and flung it to the chair across the room.
“Nuh-uh,” she said, shaking her head.
She stood up in front of me then sat in my lap, straddling my legs. She leaned into me, kissing and running her hands along my chest. Taking some initiative I slid my hands under her shirt and up her back. Breaking the kiss for only a moment she pulled her shirt up and off of her, leaving her only in her bra and pants. She rocked her hips against me, pressing her crotch against my erection.
“If I ask you a question will you be honest with me?” she finally asked.
“Of course,” I answered.
“Last night, in the shower?”
“Uh huh?”
“Did I … interrupt you?”
“Huh? It was just a shower. It’s no big deal.” I was a little lost at where she was going with this.
“No. Did I come in while you were, you know… with yourself?”
“Oh? Oh!” She thought I was jerking off? “Oh no! I wasn’t doing that, Jess. Why would you think that?”
“Well, you were… you know… hard.” she was grinning from ear to ear.
“Uh. Ummm. Well… You see…” I just stammered.
“Really? So you’re saying I made you that way?” she said, giggling a little as she figured out my unspoken thoughts.
“Hush you. It’s not my fault.”
“So it’s my fault?” she teased.
“… Maybe.”
“So… what made you that way then?” she started gently sliding her hand up and down my chest.
“Since we’re being honest? You weren’t wearing a bra, and the water made gave me a very up close wet t-shirt contest.”
“You liked that, hmmm?” She leaned back, reaching behind her. “What about now?”
With a grace and ease that only women have, she unhooked her bra and let it fall between us. She sat on me, bold enough to be completely topless yet shy enough to blush doing it.
“I know they’re not big boobs that guys like-”
My hands sliding up her sides cut her words off. Gently, I cupped each breast in my hands, massaging them and lightly pulling on the nipples. She sighed and moaned as I did, putting her hands on top my mine.
“They’re perfect,” I whispered.
We sat in our living room making out like teenagers. Our hands caressed each other’s chests as our tongues danced around each other. As my erection pressed against her she ground herself against it, driving both of our passions up. Soon we were pawing at each other, each wanting to get closer. Finally, Jess stood up and took my hand.
“Come on.” she pulled me up and, gathering her clothes, quickly turned off the lights and made her way to my bedroom. I followed quickly behind, not wanting to waste a second.