I stood up, rubbing that small indentation above my left ear again, as though it would somehow help me regain what I’d lost.
“What we did, last night, this morning? Brothers don’t do that with their sisters; why did you make me do that? It was wrong, it had to be, it feels so wrong now, I feel so… so… I don’t know what I feel, but I think I did something bad, and I don’t know why you let me do it!”
Teruko stared at me, her expression lost, shocked, horrified, but I didn’t know how to take it back, or if I should; my sister! Oh, this was bad, this was very bad! She tried to reach out to me, but I leaned back, away from her; I didn’t think her touching me was such a good idea…
“Jakku-san, please…!” she started,
“Teruko, please, my head hurts, I need some fresh air. I’m going out for a walk.” I paused, seeing Teruko’s stricken expression, and again that conflicted feeling swirled through me.
“Will you come with me? Please? I don’t know where anything is…” I asked her, not really knowing why I did; maybe I was trying to make up for the hurt I’d seen in her eyes just now…
She smiled tremulously, blinking rapidly to dissipate the tears in her eyes.
“Yes, I come with you, Jakku-san, please to put on jacket, it very cold.”
She rummaged in a closet and pulled out a green waxed jacket with a padded green tartan lining and a label inside that said ‘Barbour’.
“This Jakku-san favourite jacket, wear it all time!” she smiled, and I did feel a small shock of recognition as she helped me put it on. It felt loose, too big, and Teruko smiled, her lip trembling.
“Jakku-san lose so much weight, very thin, coat so big now, but always wear this before, it part of him!”
There was a pair of gloves in the pocket, and something bulky in the inner breast pocket. I took it out, it was my wallet. As I opened it, little bits started to come back. I saw Teruko giving me this, she was younger then, and there was a small picture of the two of usinside the front cover, her face pressed cheek to cheek with me to get both of us in the frame. Her face was the same, but mine was fuller, smiling, the eyes alive and sharp.
I riffled through the wallet, pulling out business cards and pieces of paper with cryptic notes and reminders scribbled on them, identity cards for somewhere or something called ‘DSG’, another one for someplace called ‘DES Abbey Wood’, and a Ministry of Defence ID card giving my place of work as ‘Woolwich Arsenal’. As I looked at it, at my strained expression in the ID picture, an image of tank treads and turrets, gun barrels and a large work space with overhead cranes and bright, harsh arc-lights, and a square office with a desk and a screen, the bare blockwork walls painted white, flashed through my mind.
I looked questioningly at Teruko, and she gently took the cards and papers away from me.
“This all to do with work, you not need to worry, you on sick leave, when you better, you go back to work. Doctor at work want to see you when National Hospital finish with you, until then, this not important, ok?”
I took her hand, trying to apologise for my outburst, making her pause and smile uncertainly, tiny droplets still trembling on her eyelashes.
“Teruko, where do I work?” I asked her. She looked uncertain, looking at Sai Fong in mute appeal.
“You work for the Government, Jack,” she said, “for something called DSG; you’re based at Woolwich Arsenal, you’re a Project Manager in the Re-Engineering Section, rebuilding tanks, personnel carriers, Warriors, Bloodhounds, that kind of thing; Harry works for them too, indirectly, designing helicopter airframes. When you were injured, you were given indefinite Sick Leave; you’re a Civil Servant, so you’d probably have to blow up Parliament and ravish the Queen before they’d have grounds to sack you, so you don’t need to worry too much about work just now! If they think it’s necessary, they’ll keep on extending your Sick-Leave indefinitely; you’re a very important part of the war effort, they need you, and they’ll do everything they can to keep you on-side!”
I remembered that Harry was down at this ‘Woolwich Arsenal’ place this morning, he’d said it wasn’t far from where we were, and suddenly I needed to see my workplace.
“Take me there, please, take me to where I work, I want to see it!”
Teruko and Sai Fong exchanged glances, and began pulling on jackets, and Sai Fong picked up some car keys from the dresser.
“I’ll drive, Teruko doesn’t know the way.”
We climbed into a big silver 4×4 (mine, I was told, although it didn’t seem familiar at all) and drove the short distance, by London standards, to the Woolwich Arsenal, driving though the grounds until we came to a series of low brick structures. The guard at the gate took my ID and made a call, then waved us through into the car park, just as a burly man in a dark suit came out of the entrance of one of the buildings.
“Jack, good to see you back on your feet, how are you feeling?” he boomed, shaking hands vigorously with me, then engulfing Teruko and Sai Fong’s little hands in his large mitt.
He looked at me closely, and I looked back, not a glimmer of recognition to give me a hint as to who this was.
“It’s true, then,” he murmured, shaking his head, “you don’t have a clue who I am…”
He indicated that we follow him into the building and into what looked like a conference room, where he asked all of us to be seated. Once we were settled, he started talking.
“Jack, as you’re still on Sick-Leave, I can’t discuss your job or the projects you were involved in when this all happened. I’m not sure why you’re here, and I think that, until the National signs you off and over to Whittington, our conversations need to be about your progress, not the work you were involved in. As of right now, you are on Indefinite Sick Leave, and will have to remain there until this has all been cleared up. On a purely personal note, you are very much missed here; I have all your colleagues coming up to me every day asking about you, and the National has been very good in keeping us updated on your progress.”
I was a little confused, and a little concerned; why had the hospital been giving details about me to my employer? I asked him as much, and he looked serious.
“Jack, you work… worked, I should say, on one of the most important range of projects currently occupying the Ministry; being assaulted the way you were raised fears that it may have had a terrorist connection, seeing as you were a specialist Project Manager working on some of our most secure projects. Your attack rang alarm bells in all sorts of places, and it fell to us to investigate every possible connection, no matter how seemingly innocent or outlandish.”
“And did you find anything?” I asked, dreading what I might hear.
He shook his head.
“As far as the Security Branch, MI6, The Metropolitan Police, SOCA and SO15 Counter-Terrorism Command could determine, it was what it seemed, a mugging gone wrong, a gang-wannabe trying to make his name as part of a gang initiation. We recovered the gun, a Glock nine-millimetre that went missing from an ISAF armoury in Iraq six years ago. It was recovered after a shooting in Hackney; the boy carrying the pistol attempted to kill a police officer, fortunately the officer involved was able to call in the Firearms Unit, and the perpetrator died in the ensuing shoot-out. He was 15 years old, but he chose to carry a gun, and use it against defenceless people; there’s an old saying, Jack; ‘He who lives by the sword, shall die by the sword’; as soon as he picked up that gun, he sealed his own fate, always remember that.”
I felt sick; a kid had died because he’d wanted to join a gang, he’d failed with me and gone on to try again, and now he was was dead; he was a potential killer, but he was still only a kid.
His voice jerked me back to attention.
“Don’t feel bad about it Jack, his death was brought about by his own actions; the gang he wanted to join has a particularly nasty initiation rule; newbies have to kill someone at random to be considered for membership, he was attempting to kill a police officer and that’s what brought about his own death; you had no part in that, you were part of his initiation, but he didn’t kill either of you, so he went on to try again. Your young lady had a lucky escape. Remember this; that gun had been used in three unsolved killings, all similar to what nearly happened to you; don’t shed any tears over him, Jack, he picked up that gun willingly, and signed his own death warrant.”
Teruko was huddling close to me, and my arm was around her, holding her tight, although I had no memory of holding her, her eyes showing her shock.
He looked gravely at me as he stood up.
“Go home, Jack, you don’t need to be here, take your convalescence, and come back when you’re ready. Right now, you’re no use to me, nor to yourself; I suggest you spend your time resting and following doctor’s orders. Spend some time with your young lady, go home and see your mother, Defence Support Group will still be there when you’re ready to come back to work.”
We all stood up, and as we made for the door, I turned to him.
“You didn’t tell me your name…”