Lucky? Six months in a coma, and who the hell was I and what did I do now?
He patted my shoulder again.
“Rest now, your young lady wants to see you. Don’t go away now!”
He left the room, and the girl (Teruko?) shyly approached the bed, to take my hand and press it to her cheek.
“Husband come back to me, now I happy again!” she smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks. She really was stunning, and I could feel a powerful attraction to her; obviously somewhere deep inside I had some kind of a connection with this beautiful girl; God, if only I could remember her! She leaned over me to once again stroke my face, and I could tell there was a great deal of pent-up emotion there, she was almost memorising my face with her fingertips. I reached up to take her hand and felt her small slender fingers, but no ring.
“Are you really my wife?” I asked her, and she smiled at me, a really beautiful, dawn-is-breaking kind of smile.
“Jakku-san ask me marry him, we not yet have chance to get ring, he say he want special ring for me; I have this until then!”
She showed me a pendant, a milky, pearlescent jade carving no bigger than the end of my thumb, of two rats rolling an egg, the detail truly incredible, and I felt a small but powerful shock of recognition; I knew this piece, I’d seen it before!
I held it in my hand, knowing it was more than just a deja vu illusion, willing myself to know more, but it was gone, but I felt unaccountably closer to her now; she really had been with me, now I had to work out how.
Teruko leaned closer to hug me, her arms cradling my head as she trembled, and I realised she was crying. I automatically curled my arm around her, my forearm circling her buttocks as my hand clamped hold of her hip, pulling her closer to me, again feeling that connection, utterly without foundation as it was, but deep and powerfully felt all the same. I stroked her hair as she wept, her sobs silent but powerful, shaking her whole frame as she surrendered to the emotions I’d sensed earlier.
“Jakku-san, I wait, I wait so long for this, every day I kiss you and call you back, now you came back, but you not come back yet! I help you, I make you well, mummy help, we bring you back home, Jakku san, my husband! Mummy, grandad, all you friend want you back, we all help you!”
I had a mother, a grandfather, I had family, there were people who could help me put myself back together again, that was something at least. The panic that had been bubbling in the background subsided a little as I realised this beautiful girl in my arms was even more frightened than I was, that she’d been wearing herself out waiting and hoping for me to come back, and I felt a little humbled at the devotion that implied. That I could feel like that also puzzled me; obviously I knew this girl in a special way, the feeling bearing out in some small way what she was telling me. She looked up into my eyes, her huge, beautiful eyes clouded with tears.
“I know Jakku-san not remember me, it not matter, I love him, and he love me once, he will love me again!”
She said it with utter conviction, belief ringing in her voice. I had to admit, it would be easy to love a girl like her, shapely, beautiful, devoted, and possessed of the deepest kind of love and belief.
She dragged her hand across her glorious eyes, and smiled brightly at me.
“Every day I make offering and ask Daigan Bosatsu-Kami to rescue you and show you way home, he is God of travellers and all who lost, and he bring you back! I make offering to ask for help, now I ask again, ask him help you find way back to me! I call mummy, she coming soon, be here few hours time, you must rest now, I will stay with you, I want see your eyes, it been too long since I see them look at me, and now you can see me again!”
She sat on the bed, and without thinking I moved over as much as I could to make room for her. She swung her legs up and stretched out next to me, her eyes fixed on mine as she put her arm across my chest. It felt normal, uncomplicated, to have her here with me like this, and on impulse I put my arm around her. Teruko smiled as she wriggled contentedly.
“So long, my husband, it been so long, I miss you…” she whispered, pulling herself even closer to me, and snuggling her head down against me with a contented sigh. It felt good, and right, and familiar; somewhere a memory was chiming that we’d done this before, and it was good to do it again. After a while I realised she’d fallen asleep, poor thing, she must have been worn out. I felt protective and caring toward her, and a part of me wondered; was I reacting like that because she was so beautiful, and so obviously into me, or was my hidden inner self trying to tell me something about her, and me, about us?
I felt like I was in free fall, there was no-one or nothing to hold onto, perhaps I could start with her, maybe she could help me rebuild the part of me that was missing (which was most of me, I realised. I had my sense of self; I knew there was a “me” to rebuild, I knew my language, I knew I wanted to get out of this hospital soon, and I briefly wondered how I knew what a “hospital” was, when I didn’t know jack-shit about anything else…)
I shifted slightly, and Teruko’s eyes fluttered open.
“Please to rest, Jakku-san, mummy be here soon, must rest so not fall asleep when she here, she wait and cry for you so much, she want see and talk to you very much!”
Teruko pulled the covers up over me, then sat up next to me, her arm through mine as she stroked my hair. I looked at her and was surprised to see tears trembling on her eyelashes, and without thinking, I reached up and wiped them away with my thumb.
“Why are you crying? I asked her, and she smiled brightly, but more tears gathered in her eyes, brimming and trembling on the brink of running down her soft cheeks.
“I so happy to hear Jakku-san talk, I thought I never hear husband voice again, for so long he still and silent, now he talking to me, eyes still beautiful, still have same smile, so I happy!”
I smiled at her happiness at something so mundane, and again, and even more powerfully, I felt that connection, that sense that we were part of something, sure that this was more than just common or garden attraction and horniness on my part; I knew this girl, I knew her well, I was sure of it! All I had to do was recapture her, maybe if I could, I could find enough of me to recognise myself.
Teruko slid back down the bed to lie against me, her arm warm and comforting around me, the peach scent of her hair suddenly familiar, evoking blurred images of her smiling, standing with wet hair in a shower cubicle, and making me think of… a hotel. Why would I associate the smell of her hair with a hotel room? Was it a real sense-memory, or just random associations triggered by a random stimulus? Whatever it was, there was no escaping the fact that she was soft and warm against me, and another reflex kicked in, obviously so. My body may have been tired-out, but a certain part of me didn’t care. Teruko felt it prodding her in her stomach, and she looked up at me and smiled.
“Husband better already! Must rest now, sleep, Jakku-san, mummy come soon, be ready for her, she very happy now, so sad for so long, now she happy again!”
As she spoke her warm little hand stroked my face, smoothed my hair, and rubbed my back between my shoulder-blades, the feeling restful and relaxing, easing me into sleep.
I woke refreshed, Teruko’s eyes fluttering open as mine did, and a ghostly half-memory of seeing this before flitted across my mind for a second before it was gone, but once again that sense of connection persisted, more than just deja vu. I felt something on my wrist and looked, to see my battered old military watch strapped on my wrist, and out of habit I shook and twisted my wrist to seat it more comfortably, while Teruko looked strangely at me.
“Why you do that, my husband?” she asked, and I replied without thinking.
“I always do that when I put my watch on…” before I realised what I’d said. Teruko grinned at me, and lifted my wrist to kiss the watch and the palm of my hand.
“Husband always say this his lucky watch, now I know it true!”
I looked at the watch, at my wrist and replayed what I’d said and done. I’d done it because it was second nature to me; did that mean more would follow? What other habitual quirks and behaviours would resurface? I was excited, in a low-level way. Maybe what Mr. Hunter had said about recovery was already happening; the amnesia really was only temporary, maybe it was already beginning to play itself out. I hoped like hell it was; I really wanted to remember my life, this girl, what had happened to me, everything that was missing before I’d woken up a few hours ago with an indelible blank stretching back in time where my life used to be.
My mother arrived about an hour later; it was a very strange meeting, for me, at least; here was this person I’d known my entire life, and I was struggling to make contact with her, because she was nowhere in my head or current experience. I could see how distraught she was, but there was nothing I could do to ease her distress; she was a complete stranger, and her distress only fed mine. What tipped me over was when she was leaving, she hugged me and stepped back to tip my head up to look into my eyes, her own eyes brimming with tears.
“Jack, my baby, my own little boy, what has he done to you? I thought we’d lost you forever, wherever you are, please come back, darling, please!”