The house was quiet. I sat in my room and stared at the various pictures of my family I had around my room. My eyes settled on one picture where it was just Emma and I. She had her arms around my waist and looked blissfully happy. It was outside of the Starbucks that she worked at. She had been promoted and she was just beaming with pride. But, when I looked closer at the picture, I saw the look of love she had in her eyes. She was looking at me with a huge smile on her face. Emma was always so sweet. She was always the person that I counted on whenever I needed someone to cheer me up. She was always that person that was there for me no matter what. I sighed heavily as I realized I had ruined everything.
I got up from the chair and walked out of my room. Kelly had left early in the morning. She couldn’t bear to stay around the house knowing that Emma’s feelings were hurt. I walked over slowly to Emma’s door and knocked on it softly.
“Go away.” I heard her say from the other side.
“Emma, can we talk?”
There was a long silence. I then heard the sound of shuffling feet. The door to Emma’s room opened slowly. She stood quietly and looked at me. Her eyes were red from crying. She tucked some of her hair behind her ear and waited. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Uh…”
“You’re sorry for what? For taking advantage of both your sisters?” Emma asked. “Are you sorry for lying to us? Are you sorry for making me feel like there was something special between us? Are you sorry for making me feel like my emotions for you were one big gigantic mistake? Tell me. What are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry for being an ass.” I said. I took a deep breath to gather my thoughts. “I’m sorry for betraying you.”
“You did.”
“But, I can explain.”
Emma shook her head slowly. “Rob, I don’t know if I can take anymore of this.”
“Emma, let me explain.” I pleaded.
Emma nodded.
“I am not going to hide behind the excuse that I wasn’t in control of all this. I am not going to lie to you and say I don’t have feelings for you and Kelly. This is all new to me. This would be new to anyone. There is no possible way I man can handle being in love with both his sisters.”
“You have feelings for Kelly?”
I nodded, “I love both of you.”
“Kelly has the same feelings as I do?”
I shrugged, “I wouldn’t say exactly the same. Hers is more physical while yours…”
Emma balled her hands into little fists and stomped on the carpet of her room soundly. “Ugh! She is so slutty, Rob! All she ever does is go around town having sex with guys that would give it to her. I never judged her for that; a woman has needs, but to have her take yet another man that I wanted so much, that is just like her!”
“Emma, she didn’t take me away from you.”
Emma pointed at me, “But, you let her fuck you.”
“Emma…”
“I may be sweet. I may be the innocent one here, but I am no fool.” Emma said.
Emma took a step towards me. She poked my chest firmly. “I gave something very special to you, Rob. I gave you the last bit of innocence I had left in this world we live in. I don’t know how you see things playing out. I don’t know how you view me. I don’t know anything anymore!”
I reached out to her expecting to be rebuffed, but Emma fell into my arms. She sobbed wildly into my chest. I felt terrible. I felt lower than anything I could have conjured up. I felt like my world was falling apart. I held her tightly as she cried. As usual, Emma smelled amazing. Even after a night of crying, she managed to make herself the perfect Emma that I was always accustomed to. I kissed the top of her head softly.
“Emma, I don’t know anything anymore either.”
She pushed herself slowly off my chest and looked up at me with tears that ran down her face. “Do you love her more than me?”
I shook my head.
“The same?”
“Honestly?”
“Now would be the time to be honest with me again, Rob.”
“I love you more, Emma.” I said honestly. “I love you more because you are what you are. You’re loving. You’re kind. You’re pure of heart. It has always been you. It will always be why I love you so much.”
“Then why?”
“Because Kelly spurred me on first.”
“What?”
I sighed in of myself. “It all started a few days ago. She came into my room when I was… well, taking care of myself. You know how sexual she is.”
Emma nodded.
“She jumped on top of my bed and was physical with me. But, playfully physical.” I shrugged. “I don’t know, but something happened after that. It woke something in me. I tried to control it. But, I was too weak.”
“There are plenty of women in town, Rob. You could have avoided all of this. You could have just kept us all as family.” Emma said softly as she looked into my eyes. “Why did you cross that line?”
“I crossed that final line with you, Emma.”
“But…”
I hesitated to tell her, but Emma deserved the truth. “When I stepped into your room the other night, I thought it was Kelly’s. I thought you were Kelly.”
“What?” Emma pushed back further with more force. Her eyes again filled with anger and frustration. “What?!”
Emma broke away from me. She started back towards her room, but I grabbed her delicate hand and held her in place. “I was drunk! I was fueled with lust. I was blinded like an idiot. I thought that if it was Kelly, I could keep the only pure love I know in my life pure! I didn’t mean to. I love you so much. When I woke up that morning in your bed and realized that it was you and not Kelly, I hated myself for what I did. But, there was a part of me that felt like it was right. I felt like it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Yeah, it sounds crazy and totally fucked up if you said it to anyone else, but I don’t care. I don’t want to throw what we have away!”
Emma stood still. “I don’t know what to say, Rob.”
“I know.”
Emma stepped forward. “I still love you. I still love you more than anything else on this planet. I don’t know why I do after you hurt me like you did, but I do.” She placed a soft, delicate palm on my chest. “I want you to search inside your heart and find the right thing to do. I can’t tell you what to do. Kelly can’t either. But, search for what is right.”
“What if the right thing isn’t what any of us want?”
She shrugged as she took her hand away. She stepped up to me on her toes and kissed me with trembling lips. “Then it will just have to be that way.”
I watched as she turned and walked back into her room. She shut her door gently and I was left in the hallway by myself.