“Whiskey sounds good right now.” I responded hoping the stronger beverage would calm my nerves. I switched on my television and used the remote to guide us to Netflix. I began to search through the copious amount of movies and shows the app had to offer as I heard Emma making popcorn and gathering things for our night together. Soon, she was back by and settled down next to me. Emma sat to my right and tucked her legs off to that side. I couldn’t help but look at her legs and marveled at how amazing they were. If I was fated to only touch one thing and only that thing for the rest of my life, I would be content in having it be Emma’s silky legs.
“Did you find a movie?”
I shrugged, “There is so much to watch.”
“Horror?” Emma suggested as she snuggled closer to me.
“Sure.” I said and began to go through the list of horror movies. I settled with a foreign movie where people were trapped in a hospital filled with infected monsters. I started the movie.
“Hi.” Emma purred into my ear as she leaned up and kissed me softly on the cheek. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” I said as I felt hot from how sensual and loving she was being. I turned to her as the title of the movie and the numerous studio logos began to scroll onto the television screen. “Hey, I wanted to talk.”
“About that night?”
“Yes.”
“Do you regret it?” Emma asked softly trying to hide the hint of fear and disappointment in her voice.
“A little.”
Emma sat back and held a hand to her chest, “I didn’t.”
“Emma, it was wrong what I did. Even if you take out the taboo equation, I forced myself on you. I was drunk and I took advantage.”
Emma nodded. “In a way you did. Rob, I have to admit, I have been having these odd feelings for you for a long time. I don’t know when it started, but it was when we were young. I know it is silly to speak about it, but it is something I think I need to get off my chest since you are having regrets about the other night.”
“I do.”
“Life has changed for us all, can you agree with that?”
I nodded.
“I remember what dad said that night he passed after saying his goodbyes to everyone. He told me that I had to look after you. I had to look after everyone. But, he told me to make sure you stayed strong. He told me that you will have the hardest burden to shoulder out of all of us.” Emma said softly as she recalled that fateful night that changed everything for us. “He told me that I had to love you with all my heart and love the family like he did. And, when he finally passed, I sat up all night crying and thinking. To love someone with all my heart. What did he mean by that?”
“I am sure dad didn’t mean what we did that night.”
“No, no, of course not.” Emma agreed. She turned to me. “But hearing him say those words, made me think about all the times when we were young. I admired you. I always have and always will. You were always this strong presence. You never let anything or anyone harm us. You are everything dad had wanted to mold into. I fell in love with that. When Kelly and I turned sixteen, I remembered sneaking into your room at night and kissing you on the cheek to thank you for the gift you got me. You may not remember or even had felt the kiss, but it was electrifying to me. It made me… um… feel things that weren’t normal to what a sister should be feeling.”
I paused the movie and reached down for my glass of whiskey. I took a large gulp from it. “Emma, we all have feelings that can be a little askew from time to time.”
Emma nodded, “Sure, but I fell in love with you. I know Kelly is a flirt and she flirted with you constantly. As we got older, the flirting she did went from casual sibling stuff to some sexual things. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. I’m not like her. I don’t flaunt my body. I am not comfortable with boys. I don’t flirt. I would think to myself every night, how can I compete for love with my twin? She is sexier than I will ever be. She is bolder. She is the sexual being a man desires and wants. What was I to do? No man would look at me like they do with Kelly. Then I see the look in your eyes. They were always filled with love. They were always filled with admiration and pride. It made me feel special. It made me want to be special for you. But, lacking the understanding of sex and being sexual, I just stood in the background and watched you. That night when you came into my room, you stunk of alcohol.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok.” Emma said as she smiled warmly. “When you climbed into my bed, my heart felt like it was going to explode. When you put your hands on me, my head was swimming with so many thoughts and emotions. I was excited. I wanted to resist, but I couldn’t. I wanted you. I wanted to be one with you. Yes, it was wrong. It was very wrong what we did, but oddly, it felt right to me. I told Kelly that. I told her that you made me feel complete. Like the entire struggle that we had gone through in this house was worth it. An affirmation of love. That night… I became a woman. That night… I became your woman. Taboo or not, I didn’t care. Incest or not, I didn’t think of it like that. Yes… in this day and age, sex is very casual and common place. But, for me, it was special.”
“Even if it was your brother that was your first?”
Emma nodded. “Yes, because you’re the one I love.”
I wanted to kill myself. Emma was pure as snow and I driven across her like some sort of muddy truck and spoiled that purity. I watched as she reached over and took my hand. She placed it on her chest.
“I know the variables in life are against us. I know there will be others that will take your attention from me. I won’t be possessive. I won’t demand from you. I just want you to love me and show me love when you want.” Emma said simply. She kissed my hand and set it on her bare knee. “We can ignore the taboo of it all. We already crossed beyond the point of no return. I am not saying I seek out more sexual attention from you, but if you were inclined to, I wouldn’t mind. I love you, Rob. To simply state it, I love you more than I can imagine and will continue to do so.”
I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say to her. A deep sense of guilt was pumping through my body. I reached around Emma and held her close. I glanced back at the stairs to see if Kelly was peeking into our conversation, but there was no one there. Emma reached down to the remote and continued the movie that was paused on the screen. Hearing Emma pour her heart out made me sick to my stomach. I wasn’t sure about myself. I wasn’t sure about anything. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Rob?” Emma asked as she was cuddled into me.
“Yes?”
“Do you love me?”
“Absolutely.” I answered her.
“Do you love me more than just a sister?”
“I do now.” I said. “But, I don’t know what those feelings are completely just yet. This is all very new to me. I know I can’t take back that night.”
“You want to take it back?” Emma asked as she looked up to me.
“I would like to take back how I acted.” I said, “It wasn’t fair to you that I walked in drunk and took advantage of you.”
“But, I wanted it.”
“Not while I was drunk. That isn’t right by any means, sister or not. Nor is it right if you wanted it or not.”
Emma smiled, “But, you would have done it if you weren’t drunk?”
“I don’t know.”
Emma paused the movie and sat up. She looked deep into my eyes. Her own eyes were starting to fill with tears. She leaned in close and kissed me on my lips. She was gentle and loving. I felt her emotions from the kiss. Emma’s hands rubbed my chest as she continued to kiss me deeply. My hands couldn’t control themselves. I had no sense of myself anymore. I pulled her onto me. Emma straddled my legs and kept kissing my lips. Soft, loving little smacks between lips.
“Are you drunk now?” She asked.
“No.”
Emma pulled the oversized shirt off of her and draped it onto the ground slowly. She sat on my legs and bared herself. She wore nothing but a pair of powder blue panties underneath. Her breasts stood full and firm as she let me drink her in. Emma reached for my hands and pulled them onto her breasts. I felt two erect nipples touching me as my hands rested firmly on her. Emma closed her eyes and hissed a delicate moan.
“How do I feel to you?” Emma asked.
“Amazing.”
“Like everything you would want in a woman?”
I nodded.
“Then…” Emma kissed me again, deeper this time. Her tongue pierced my lips and found mine. The kiss was more forceful. The kiss was filled with a sense of urgency. She broke her kiss and looked into my eyes once again. “Then… want me again. Want me tonight. Want me like you did that night. Want me without the impairment of being drunk.”
I couldn’t hold back anymore. I tossed all reason aside. I tossed all morality aside. I wanted her. I wanted her as much as I would have wanted Kelly. But, with Emma’s grace and kindness, she made me want her more. She made me desire her. I pulled my hands away from Emma’s perfect breasts and pulled her close onto me. Her scent was intoxicating. Her warmth was welcoming. Emma’s body pressed into me softly as if yielding to my body’s angles and curves. Unlike with Kelly, I wasn’t wrestling aggressively for position. Unlike with Kelly, Emma took the time to love the moment, to cherish it. Emma kissed my neck softly and my hands ran up and down her naked back. The silky softness of her skin was like a drug. I wanted more of her. I needed more of her. My lips kissed her soft shoulders as I pulled her closer and closer to me.