“Let’s go?” Sav asked, smiling brightly for me.
I nodded. I stood up after arranging my things. We will be at the library to review some lessons before having our lunch. Since the finals are arriving, we really have to study so hard on this. Fortunately, the discussions in class aren’t that difficult to understand anymore, so it’s not a problem that I stay up all night at work.
I have returned to the casino as a dealer since I still need to save for my expenses. Sometimes I get to remember my moment there with Ismael, and I always get too emotional, but thankfully, I can control it now. I only cry from time to time. Sometimes in the bedroom, often in the bathroom. I’m trying to get Ismael out of my mind for a while because the thought of him suppressed me from moving, but I can’t really get him out of my system.
“How was it?” Sav asked in the middle of our reading, which is why I looked at her.
“Huh? Which one?”
“The waiting…”
I gasped when I finally understood what she was talking about.
“I mean, I know the feeling of waiting, but we are in different situations. I am waiting for someone to love me back while you are waiting for someone you love to be back.”
I glanced at her. “Do you still like Raviel?” I turned the question to her. She didn’t answer. A confirmation that my suspicions were correct. Does that mean he gets hurt when Raviel approaches me every time?
“I don’t know why I am so attracted to him after all of what he did to you. I am so sorry, Thea.”
I watched her face. “Why are you apologizing? I mean, what he did to me doesn’t have the right to dictate your heart. If you really like him, what does it have to do with me?”
“He likes you,” she stated.
I was shocked by what he said. “He never said that.”
“Because you keep on ignoring him and never giving him a chance to explain.”
“Do you want me to give him a chance?” I sincerely ask. “If that’s what you want me to do, I can’t do that, and I don’t want to do that. I’m still waiting for someone, Sav. I’m bound to marry.” I showed her the promise ring on my finger. “Waiting for someone requires patience and courage. In fact, it requires a lot. It keeps you awake, hoping that one of these nights he’ll appear on your bed and embrace you. You are dying while keeping yourself sane and alive, moving forward even though you are stuck in the loop. It’s pretty tiring because you want the situation to change, but you don’t have a choice but to see it until the end, not knowing when the end is. That’s how it feels, Sav.”
She couldn’t speak, but I could read the sadness in her eyes. I smiled. “Don’t be sad for me. I wanted to wait. You, if you really want Raviel, why not confess?”
She shook her head. “How can I do that? When all he wanted was you. Look.” She pointed out the guy who is now walking towards us. I sighed again. “Raviel seems unstoppable.”
I stood up. “Just tell him, I need to go to the comfort room.”
“Why don’t you hear him first?” I stopped walking when she spoke. “Can you do that for me, Thea? Talk to him.”
I inhaled as I stared into her eyes. There was a pleading look in her gaze. I exhaled as I breathed the answer, “Alright.”
“Jothea.” Sav and I both turned to Raviel.
“Fine, let’s talk outside,” I answered even though he wasn’t saying anything.
“Huh?” He frowned, and so did mine. “Oh, I’m here to ask you if I can borrow your friend. I want to talk to Savannah.”
My mouth dropped when I heard that.
“Me? You want to talk to me?” Sav asked in disbelief. I secretly laughed at her reaction.
“Yeah, do you have spare time?”
“Of course!”
I just watched them both as they walked away from me. I couldn’t help but beam, and it was as if a thorn had been pulled out of me. It’s good that Raviel didn’t try to talk to me anymore because I was tired of avoiding him. He can’t blame me for not wanting to meet him. If he hadn’t intervened that day, I hope Ismael would still be here with me.
I sighed. I just chose to read again so that I wouldn’t be consumed by sadness.
“Sister Thea!”
I turned to the one who called me. She sat beside my chair. “Isa, what brought you here?”
“I just want to ask if my eldest brother has contacted you already,” she said directly to me.
I gasped. “N-no, not yet. Why?”
“Things are not going well in the family. Father’s second wife suddenly asked for her rights and her son to be the next president of the clan instead of my brother.”
I frowned. The second wife of his father? “I don’t get it, Isa. I am not familiar with the clan you are talking about.” Honestly, I couldn’t believe it when I found out that Ismael’s family was rich. Take note, very rich. I don’t even understand the family tradition where they say you have to have twelve children; now I have something new to understand. It’s about Mondalla’s clan. How complicated is the life of a rich man? Why do I feel like I just want to be poor?
I feel even sadder because there are things I don’t know about the person I love, and I can’t even ask him about them because, first of all, he is gone.
“Haven’t you heard about it? My parents got divorced after I was born, and then my father got married again to Miss Veonna Tiamzon. Basically, our stepmother wanted her first child with my father, Danjer Vanne, to be the heir since brother Mael wasn’t around. Our stepmother is now protesting her son’s rights and questioning the ultimatum my brother was given to be the next president of the clan. They have been waiting for brother Ismael to get married ever since he turned legal age, but he hasn’t married yet.”
I bit my lip. No matter how hard I tried to understand, it was too difficult for me. I especially think that Sir Mikael’s second wife has more rights because he is the one married on paper when he divorced Ma’am Elisse. Ismael and Isa continue to appear as illegitimate children when they are actually the first. Why did they have to separate then? I don’t understand.
“To make a long story short, my eldest brother’s disappearance will cause a big mess for us, the first family. Actually, it is very complicated to explain.”
“And complicated to understand,” I interjected.
“Yeah, the fact that it is not my responsibility to care since I am a lady. The burden is on me since he is not around. We need to find him so he can marry you soon.”
Is Ismael that good at hiding so that his family doesn’t know where he is?
And is Ismael getting married that important to their family? That’s why they support me so much that even though I am a completely stranger, they consider me as if I belong to them.
Is that why Ismael doesn’t agree to his parents’ wishes to get married because he doesn’t want to think that he will get married just for that? He doesn’t want me to think that he will only marry me for the wealth that he will inherit or the position in his family. Is that so? Is this what he means-that he doesn’t want his family to use me?
I bit my lip. Somehow, I can understand it now. Maybe that’s why he chose to stay away. He really needs time. He has a lot of things to think about and consider. I’m adding more problems to him because of what I’m going through as well.
I sighed again.
Everything that is going around now, I never saw coming.
I can see that Ismael’s world is different from mine, and I don’t know if I deserve to be there. I feel like I’m useless. Even at this point, I can’t help him.
*****
I saw myself in front of the pet shop where Ismael and I once visited. I entered there. I’m holding back tears like a madman. If Mael doesn’t run out of food, I won’t come here.
Other customers were looking at me because I had been wiping my eyes and cheeks; that’s why I hastened the selection of what to buy. I went to the counter to pay when the cashier looked at me. “Hello, ma’am! Aren’t you Sir Mael’s wife? He just left a while ago, and he also bought the things on your hand already.”
I pointed at myself. “Me?” Hold on. Is he referring to Ismael? Was he here earlier?
My heart beat faster.
“Yes. He was here a while ago. Are you still going to buy them? Aren’t you going to have it doubled? He already bought a few sacks earlier.”
“Huh? Uhm… I’m not sure, but y-yeah. Go ahead.” Even though I was confused, I just paid for what I was holding. After all, I’m not sure of what she said. Me? Mael’s wife? We are not yet married. Besides, how can he come here when his family can’t catch him?
And I just confirmed everything when I got home.