“You will get over it. Trust me, Miss Alvandra,” Dean Dator said, patting my shoulder before he left me in his office.
Again, my tears flowed again. I have asked him several times where Ismael is, but he is said to have been removed from Marcus University. Dean Dator explained that Ismael would never come back. For the second time, we lost a calculus professor again, and it was because of me.
I wiped my tears, but no matter what I did to wipe them, they kept falling. I will never forget the moments when he left me. I don’t want to believe that he just fooled me and used me. My heart cannot be convinced that everything is a lie.
It is impossible. Ismael loves me. He really does. He can’t leave me like this.
I grabbed my phone, and for the nth time, I called him, but just the same, he didn’t answer. It’s been like this for weeks. How can he do this to me? He knows he’s the only one I have. Why will he leave me?
I took a cigarette and lit it. I am currently behind our building to vent my anger. I was about to put the stick on my lips when I suddenly remembered that time-when Ismael took the cigarette from my mouth. He was shocked to witness that I smoked.
I shook my head. I stomped on the newly lit cigarette without regret and even threw away my lighter.
I heaved a sigh as I looked up at the sky. It is frustrating to see myself no longer doing the wrong thing but still experiencing sadness and misery in life.
*****
I decided to go to the Island Motel Bar, not to drink but to hopefully look for Ismael, but he wasn’t there. Even when I asked their bartender and manager, they said they didn’t know their boss enough to know where he was. God, where is he? I deserve an explanation for all of this. He needs to take responsibility for what he did to me.
I went to the Island Hotel, but Mrs. Estanislao is the only one I saw, but I still grabbed the chance to ask her.
“Miss Alvandra!” she greeted me enthusiastically. “What brought you here?” She made me sit in the lounge. “And why do you seem to lose more weight?”
I forced a smile and tried to stop my longing tears. “I just wanted to ask where Ismael is.”
“Oh, sorry, sweetie, I don’t really know where he is. The last time I saw him was when the two of you were here. Wait, I remember something. Hold on. I’ll be back.”
She stood up and spoke to the receptionist. Soon she brought a cat-Mael, our pet. I stood up to take it.
“When I was cleaning the penthouse, I saw him. I remember Ismael mentioning to me that that cat is yours.”
I nodded. “He gifted this to me.”
She held my shoulder. “Did something happen to the both of you? Did you fight?”
I shook my head. “Not at all, Mrs. Estanislao. He just disappeared, and I don’t know where to find him.”
She nodded like she had experienced this situation before. “Don’t worry, he will come back. Maybe something needs to be done; that’s why he’s away.”
I was even more sad. How can I be sure he will come back?
“He often disappears when he needs time for himself. When his parents separated, he also left then. Imagine? He was five years old,” she laughed. “But the last time he did that was when he learned about my illness. But that was almost twenty-one years ago.”
Twenty-one years ago? I haven’t been born yet that time, have I?
“Are you sick?” I asked.
“It’s just diabetes, hija. Normal disease for an old lady like me,” she joked. “Anyway, just give him time. He’ll come back for sure.” She patted my shoulder again and rubbed it in sympathy. If no VIP guest had arrived, she would not have left me.
I was caressing Mael when I decided to leave the Island Hotel.
*****
Days passed regularly without any shadow of the man I love. Things are getting boring in my life. I can only see myself staring into nothingness while thinking of Ismael. After he confessed that he only used me, the students at Marcus University were constantly looking at me as if they felt sorry for me. It’s just that the majority of people glared at me like I’m a disgrace in school. Fortunately, Sav always defended me.
“Why are you not fighting them, Thea? I know you can slap them hard,” she commented as we walked down the hallway to our next class. We are only going to review classes because the final exams are coming up.
“I don’t know,” I answered. Since the day I started being calm when Savannah was trying to pick a fight with me, I never know where my anger hides itself.
“Jothea…”
Sav and I stopped walking when we saw Raviel in front of us. Now I know where my anger hides, and it will show itself right here in this moment.
“Can we talk?” he inquired.
I gasped. “No.”
I walked to pass him. Savannah followed me. “Please, Jothea, I want to clarify with you why I did that.”
“I am not interested.”
I continued walking with Savannah. Even after several weeks, every time I see Raviel, everything that happened comes back to me. Even the words that Ismael left me.
I felt Savannah’s arms wrapped around me, and that moment pushed me to cry. She immediately took me to the comfort room, where I can cry out with all my heart. She continues to watch even though I told her several times that she should be first in our next class.
“I won’t leave you here, Thea.” She gave me a tissue. “Just let it out. I know it’s really hard for you.”
Fortunately, there were no students in the comfort room. Probably in their own class. I couldn’t help but feel guilty because Savannah was being involved in my misery.
“You are so strong, Thea. That’s what I envy you the most.”
I have been trying to hold it in since the day I talked with Mrs. Estanislao. I trusted what she said-that Ismael would also return, but as the days passed, I had questions and doubts. What if he never comes back? What if it’s true that he just used me?
I cried for a few more minutes before I calmed down. Both Savannah and I went to class like nothing happened.
*****
“Sister Thea!” Someone called me when I was about to go home. To my surprise, it was Isa. My breathing became rapidly unusual when I saw her face. I was on the verge of crying since she looked like her eldest brother. “Can I have some of your time?”
I nodded weakly. “Of course.”
She invited me into her car. I suddenly remembered the times when I used to see her being picked up by her older brother. And I was too stupid to doubt Ismael because of that. She is the reason why Ismael wants to teach at Marcus University. The fact that he requested that I be a good student so it won’t be a hindrance to his regular position.
But now he’s gone far away from that dream, and that’s because of me. Maybe he really needs time.
“Where are we going?” I asked as she started her car.
“To our residence. My parents want to talk to you.”
I immediately turned pale when I heard it. If I had known that she would take me there, I would not have gone with her. “W-wait, wait a minute, Isa. Why are you taking me there?”
“Because of my brother’s sudden disappearance?” she asked sarcastically. My chest filled with anxiety. Even I can’t answer if they ask me where that man is.
I don’t know.
Some time passed when we arrived at Mondalla’s Residences. My heart throbbed immediately. The last time I went here was with Ismael. I can’t help but feel empty.
I followed her to their grand mansion, and just like before, a lot of maids and butlers welcomed us.
“Welcome back, Miss Isa. Your parents are waiting in the living room.”
“Thank you.”
They bowed to us as we walked down the hall. Every time I step into their mansion, my longing for Ismael increases. I want to see him. Even if he doesn’t explain anymore. I will forgive him, even if he hasn’t asked for it yet.
“Miss Alvandra! At last!” Ismael’s mother stood up to greet me with a hug. I don’t know why I suddenly felt my emotions verging on the edge-that in one push, my tears will fall. “Have a seat. I have a lot of questions to ask.”
“I’ll be in my room, mom, dad,” Isa announced. “Don’t worry. I’ll take you home, sister Thea,” she added before leaving the living room.
“Good evening,” I greeted them. I also bowed to Ismael’s father. I even bit my lip when I saw that a large part of his face resembled Ismael. I can’t seem to look at him for long.
I sat on the soft chair next to Ismael’s mother while she held my hand. I looked at what he was looking at. “Mikael! Look! This ring!”
She immediately lifted my hand where the ring was. I was just surprised when Ismael’s mother had tears in her eyes.
“Our son! He gave this ring to this lady!” she exclaimed in glee. That’s when I remembered about that promise ring. Ismael gave that to me along with the promises I just now remembered again.
“Miss Alvandra.”
I looked at Ismael’s father, when he called me. My heart beat faster because the way Ismael used to call me came back to me.
“Did he propose to you?”