“Not here, Ismael.”
I took his hand and pulled him out of there. It felt strange to hold his hand so freely. After all, what time is it? I’m sure everyone is in their respective rooms and tents. Ismael and I were left alone outside the field.
Ismael’s smile reached his ears, but it immediately disappeared when he saw where we were-at the resthouse to get a first aid kit.
“I saw you earlier; you were burned. And I also saw it when I was washing your hands. I think we should apply an ointment to it for a cooling effect so it won’t sting. So that it would heal quickly,” I explained while applying ointment for burns. “And it won’t scar.”
I could feel him staring at me as I continued to rub his hand. It seems like he can’t believe what I’m doing.
“Don’t look at me with those eyes, Ismael,” I uttered.
“Why? What’s with my eyes?” he asked in a gentle way. “This is how I look at you every day.”
Our eyes met, and in an instant, I felt like I was being hypnotized. Fortunately, I was able to stop myself because otherwise I might have done something to him.
How he looks at me is making me think of hope that we can become something in the future. That we’re not just like this, hiding from everyone. I feel like our relationship is going somewhere good in the near future. But at the same time, I felt like if I became greedy and selfish about staying with him, I might put his career in danger. I’m torn. Especially since Raviel already knows about Ismael and I. I can feel that he’s going to do something about this that I surely wouldn’t like.
“Why a sudden sigh, baby?” he asked while caressing my cheek with the back of his palm.
I didn’t realize that I was sighing. “Nothing. I’m just tired today. We should rest now.”
He observed my face as if he were checking if I was okay. I simply smiled at him.
“Right. We can still talk tomorrow. Have some peaceful sleep and night, Jothea.”
We said goodbye to each other. I walked towards the tent. I thought I would be able to sleep because I was so tired, but still I couldn’t. My mind is still awake and bothered because of the conversation I had with Raviel.
It is already one in the morning, but my eyes are still wide awake. I took my cellphone to play an anti-stress game for a while to get sleepy, but Atacia just scolded me because she said the light coming from my phone was bright and disturbed her a little. Turns out she can’t sleep when it’s not dark.
I just decided to leave the tent to play outside, but it had no effect. And I don’t know what got into my cock why I walked around in the forest as if I hadn’t gotten lost before.
In my mind, it’s okay to get lost as long as I’m sleepy.
Deep in thought, I no longer realized where I was in the jungle. It’s still dark, and my only light is a flashlight coming from my phone. When I realized where I was, fear immediately hit me. Especially there are many trees and plants around. What if a ghost appears?
I immediately panicked. I was about to call Savannah, thinking that she might be asleep, so I chose not to disturb her.
Ismael is even more so. After I sent him home earlier, how can I bring him back to me? He might think I want to meet him because I want us to do something. No! I’m not just chasing him for his body!
I froze when I heard a rustling sound. Shit. What have I done? What if, when I turn around, someone appears to me?
I still heard a strange sound, but now it was different-they were water splashes. I don’t know what courage came over me to find where that sound was coming from. A river was revealed to me that I don’t remember passing earlier when we had a flag activity.
I gasped when I saw a man bathing there. I immediately hid in the tree to catch a glimpse of who it was. I’m sure it’s one of those camping trips here.
It came up from the river. My eyes widened when I saw him naked. Shit. I think I’m doomed. All I want to see is Ismael’s body, not anyone else! I have to get out of here! I should sleep now!
“Who’s there?” My body stiffened when I heard the familiar voice. Was that Ismael? What is he doing here? I gulped when I realized that the body I saw was that of my boyfriend.
I was breathing fast as I heard the rustling of leaves near me. Big feet step on it. He is coming to me.
I shut my eyes when I suddenly felt a man behind me. “Baby? What are you doing here?”
I never thought that “baby” was a good endearment. I thought it was very corny, but when it comes from his deep voice, I feel a strange sensation inside me. It is pure lovely.
“Huh? Ah… nothing… just trying to get sleepy,” I stammered. I saw that the lower part of his body was already covered. Good heavens, thank you.
“You want to talk instead?” he offers.
“S-sure.” He holds my waist as he leads me to walk near the riverside. He laid out the clothes he took off for me to sit on. He is so sweet in different ways.
“What keeps you awake?” he asked as he got dressed. That’s right, the night was too cold for him to undress. I don’t even understand why he was still bathing in the river at dawn. Isn’t he cold?
“I was just trying to ease my mind. You?”
“Same reason.”
A moment of silence remained between the two of us. I just looked at the clear water of the river reflecting the beautiful twinkling of the stars together with the big moon that became a ray in the loving night.
“What are you thinking of? Care to share, my love?”
I immediately looked at Ismael when the way he called me changed again. He smiled as if realizing something.
“Tell me about it. I want to hear what bothers you.”
I remembered what he told me-that whatever was bothering me, he would listen freely even if I confronted him.
I heaved a sigh and tried to choose the right words to articulate my thoughts and feelings. “Are you sure about me, Ismael?” I asked calmly despite the strong trembling in my chest.
He watched my eyes, waiting for what he would say. I’m ready if he backs off. Hold on, am I really ready?
He tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear while continuing to look into the eyes. “I am sure of you, Jothea. Can I ask why you’re doubting it?”
I shook my head. “I am not doubting you. But thoughts are keeping me awake; you are a professor, and I am your student. What if they find out about our relationship? Aren’t you afraid that you will lose everything?”
I saw his Adam’s apple move. He is staring at me intently, trying to convince me that everything he will say is none other than the pure truth. “You leaving me is way scarier than everything, Jothea.”
I was the one who gulped and was breathing heavily. I am trying to suppress myself from crying. His confession is way too beautiful to make me cry. “Those days that you were not attending my classes, I was really trying to hold myself back. I was at peace, but at the back of my head, I was annoyed. It was you who didn’t respect me, who always made I feel like garbage, but why do I feel like I still want to see you?”
I saw a glimpse of annoyance in his eyes, but annoyance at caring for someone because he couldn’t control that someone even if he tried.
“I did question myself a lot about whether my feelings for you were real, and when I saw you in the casino, I realized that my feelings have been with me for a long time. I just never noticed it early,” he added. “And I felt jealous towards Raviel.”
I frowned at his admission. Was he jealous? I never noticed. “Are you?”
He nodded. “Somewhat, I realized what you meant before. I also want to show my love for you freely, not like this, Jothea.”
I closed my eyes. “But we can’t at this time. Many people will see. What will they think of you? Because if it’s just me, I can handle it about me.”
I remember that time when my classmates were spitting bad things about him. I can’t really listen. My head is getting annoyed.
“Why do I feel like you’re considering breaking up with me?” he said sadly. “We just started, Jothea.”
I bow and can’t stop confessing. “Savannah and Raviel know about us now. But I’m not worried about Savannah, but with Raviel. He warned me about this, and I don’t want to be selfish, Ismael. I don’t want to destroy you.”
“But you’re destroying me now.”
I couldn’t stop crying. Why do I feel like I made this guy miserable just by loving me? He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be shaken by my doubts and fears.
I hugged him, and at that moment I really didn’t let my true feelings hide anymore. “What should I do, then? I don’t want to be separated from you either, Ismael, but I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid.”
He also hugged me tightly. He was caressing my back as if he was relieving the fear every time he stroked me. “I understand your anxiety about our relationship. I made you feel like that.” He’s caressing my hair like he wanted to tell me that he apologized for everything, but it’s not his fault. It was me who started everything between us. I was the one who messed with him; I even asked for a night with him and became such a burden. Why is he still apologizing to me?
I never imagined I would receive some special treatment like this, and I tend to doubt if I deserve it all. Do I really deserve this?
“But just like what I said before, you don’t have to worry about this. I am the man in our relationship. All you have to do is trust me and endure. Everything will be under my care, even you.” He kissed my forehead, even my cheeks, eyelids, nose, and lips. I just hugged him again tightly. Why am I so fortunate?