“Lor, I’m sorry about that, it’s just, just… Jenna was always there for me, she was my first, I never thought I’d lose her, and now…” he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, and continued.
“I never seriously believed that one day you and I could be like this. Oh, I hoped, but it was always a fantasy. Jenna was real, she was almost you, and it was enough of my fantasy come true that I thought I might find with her what I couldn’t have with you. It was only ever you, but she came so close. Now she’s gone. I’m sorry Lor; I loved her so much, and now she’s gone…!”
His voice broke and tears started in his eyes again, but he mastered himself, and smiled through the film of tears in his eyes.
“But I loved you more, and you’re still here! You won’t leave me alone again, will you Lor?”
I knelt up and held him as close as I could, my heart breaking for the loss and longing in his voice. I knew then that I loved him, not just in a physical way, not even in a spiritual way, but in a completely normal, uncomplicated human way, the way a woman should love her man. In my mind he’d stopped being my younger brother; that bond was gone, Jenna had taken that away with her, and freed me to love him the way I should. As I held him, I silently thanked her for giving him to me in such a pristine state, no anger or resentment or stored-up hatred in him; she’d managed to keep his gentle soul, his disarming honesty, and his sweet nature intact and I would always love her for that.
Gerry held me close as I hugged him, kissing his forehead lightly and listening to his ragged breathing harsh in his throat as he fought to not cry anymore, small sobs dying unborn as he forced himself to breathe deeply and evenly. His arms tightened around me as he kissed my shoulders and the hollow of my throat, little feather touches to tell me he was back in control and that his storm was over.
I relaxed my grip on him, sliding back down to sit on his lap once more and rest my head on his chest. His heartbeat was slow, regular, and strong, soothing and hypnotic. I found myself being lulled by it, and nestled down in the security of his arms around me, keeping me safe from the outside world.
I was falling asleep, and caught myself several times; each time I started awake again, I looked up, and there was Gerry, looking at me with those beautiful blue-violet eyes, smiling gently at me.
This would never do, I decided, so I sat up and clambered off his lap, to climb into the bed and pull the duvet up over me. I flipped back the corner of the duvet in invitation, and he grinned as he slid in next to me and wrapped his arms around me. Now THAT was better! I rolled over on my side, and Gerry immediately spooned me against him, pulling me in close against his warm chest and stomach and once again wrapping his arms around me. Feeling protected, warm, and at peace, I fell asleep, to dream of blue eyes, golden hair, almond eyes and red lips, and a deep well of sadness and regret they swirled and danced in.
I woke alone, refreshed and upbeat, loss transmuted into nostalgic regret, and warmth in my heart replacing the chill of loss. I briefly wondered where Gerry was, then I heard the bathroom door open, and seconds later there he was, with a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was wet, with beaded droplets of water running down his chest, and he looked just delicious and ready to ravage.
“Hello Lor!” he grinned. “It’s getting late; lunchtime came and went hours ago, so I think it’s only fair I buy you dinner. Come on, up and at ’em!”
I fished out my watch from the pile of clothes I’d dumped the night before and gasped in shock it was nearly 6:30! With that came the realisation that I was ravenous; feasting on Gerry would have to wait; right now I needed food, real food. Wait, what I really needed was a shower…
I dashed into the bathroom and had a short but luxurious hot shower, the hot needle-spray relaxing and invigorating me, recharging me for more all-in wrestling with that equally hot boy out there, after a good meal, of course!
Gerry took me to Alimentum on Hills Road for dinner in his dilapidated but still gorgeous Morgan 2+2 (“It’s Cambridge, darling Girl, can’t be seen in a Jap-Trap, don’t y’know!” he grinned at me outrageously), and we dined on pan-fried wild salmon, exquisite little venison pies with pickled redcurrants, grilled fillet of beef glazed with blue cheese, and summer vegetables, and a warm fruit compote of raspberries, apricots, apple and lime in pastry shells glazed with honey and dressed with sliced figs. Gerry kept the wine coming all evening, and I found myself drinking more of the excellent house Cabernet Sauvignon than I normally would have, but it was a special occasion, and I was with the one man I knew wouldn’t take advantage of me; besides, he’d already rammed that wonderful cock of his up my arse as hard as he could, what else could he possibly do to me?
All through the meal, the sight of Gerry and his bright golden hair in the soft light, his beautiful, classic features, that spectacular physique of his had been catching the eyes of every female in the room, patron and waitress alike, but he only had eyes for me. I was thrilling all evening with the thought I’d be leaving with this mouth-watering, eye-catching chunk of manly fuck-meat, and every woman in the place knew it.
I was in my element. I deliberately didn’t make a fuss of him; I absolutely knew any woman or girl there would gladly drop to their knees without hesitation if he asked them; I could feel the sexual tension building in the air, the way the females in a pride of lions twitch their tails and flick their ears when the alpha male stalks through the pride. Every woman there was signalling, subtly, and some not so subtly, that they were interested in him, and so I went out of my way to not strip him with my eyes, to not lean into him every chance I got, to not stare at his lips and eyes raptly, signalling the other females there that I didn’t need to attract him, he was already mine, and he was leaving with me.
Poor Gerry never picked up on this, of course; he was just a male, and like 99% of all males, female body language was a closed book to him; he truly didn’t get that by walking into the place he’d suddenly become the alpha-male; instead the sweet boy spent his entire evening watching me raptly, attending to my every whim and request, gently stroking my hand on the table, flicking an errant wisp of hair out of my face, unconsciously priming me to fuck him like a sex-crazed baboon when we got out of there.
As we ate, we talked about what we’d been doing since we were last in the same room together, almost seven years ago now; Gerry was fascinated to learn I’d graduated from The Slade School with a degree in Fine Arts, and had my own Interior Decorating and Design business in Oxfordshire, not far from Henley-on-Thames. As I rambled on about my life, and what I’d been doing with it, I hadn’t realised just how much the wine had loosened my tongue, and I quite naturally found myself telling him about Lucy… and my adventures with Charlie.
I suddenly realised what I was saying, and clammed-up, looking at him fearfully, searching for signs of disgust or rejection or distaste, but all I saw was lively interest. He picked-up on my sudden silence, grinning at me.
“Lor, it’s okay, really; you and this guy Charlie were obviously having something special, just like Jenna and me. It’s okay to have a past, it happened, and it’s a part of you. I’ve got Jenna, and you’ve got Charlie, we’ve swapped our love stories, and now we have each other. I don’t own you, you know; you’re not my personal possession, and I’m not going kill any man who looks at you! Charlie’s a part of your life, just like Jenna’s a part of mine, we can’t deny that, and it would be foolish to try, so tell me about him, please!”
I couldn’t resist that frank gaze, and the whole story came spilling out, haltingly at first, but then more coherently as I told him about Charlie’s urge to join the army from young, his years of training at Sandhurst, his imminent departure for Afghanistan, and my own secret fear; that there was a bullet or a bomb or a grenade waiting for him out there. I began to cry then, Gerry notwithstanding, and lovely, understanding man that he was, he dried my eyes as I shed some tears for my beautiful Boy Soldier.
When I’d finished telling him everything, Gerry looked wistfully at me.
“He sounds special; I wish I’d met him, even if it was just to say ‘Thank You’ for making you so happy! Maybe I will one day; he sounds like the kind of bloke I could get on with.”
I felt a warm glow when my lovely brother said that; I could see he really did mean it. One thing I did know and remember about him was his almost complete inability to lie, or even prevaricate just a little; even ‘little white lies’ were alien to him. Gerry saw the world in black and white, no shades of grey, so when he said he wished he’d met Charlie, he truly meant it. I beamed at him, proud of the straight-shooting, unconfused moral code he’d developed; he really was a fine man.
“What about you, Gerry, what comes next for you, are you looking for a job? After all, you have a Double First from Cambridge, the world is pretty much your oyster now!”
He grinned sheepishly.
“I kind of thought I’d stay on and do either my Master’s, or work toward a D. Phil, what do you think, Lor?” He asked shyly, as though he really need my opinion!