He rubbed his temples with trembling hands, a look of bone-deep weariness on his face, aging him far beyond his years.
“It’s been eating me up inside, the not knowing and the constant self-blame. At least now I have some kind of inkling. She gave me the clues to find out who I am, she wasn’t rebuking me, she was reminding me that I still had family, there were other people I was a part of, and now, here you are. I’ve always had a part of you and your family in my hands: that was what she was telling me, what I did with it was up to me.”
He sighed, staring unseeingly at the bracelet.
“This family has been broken for so long I don’t think it’s even possible we can ever fix what my psychopath father did, I mean look at us; we’re so screwed up I don’t know how to get past this or where to go next…”
Shari pulled him close, holding his head against her as she nuzzled him.
“But you tried Bobby; when you finally knew the truth you tried to make it better, and that’s what’s important: you tried and you mostly succeeded. Nicky says this house was like a prison for her, but you changed all that, you and Rick. You made this place what she’d always wanted, you went to see her and made your peace with her, and she gave you her bracelet because she wanted you to remember her and find your family; look closely at that picture, look at how happy she was; that’s how she wants you to remember her, and how happy that bracelet made her.”
She took the bracelet and carefully put it back in the little velvet case before putting it on the coffee table.
“Baby, you said once that you didn’t know how to earn absolution, or if you could ever deserve it; now you know the answer. When she gave you her bracelet she absolved you of any guilt, baby, isn’t it obvious yet? She forgave everything when she gave you something so precious to her to help you find your family and put this right once and for all. She was telling you it was time to find your family, to heal and be complete. That’s what she entrusted to you. She loved you baby, even if you never knew it, and she would never wish any hurt or harm on you. It’s over, baby, all that’s gone before is done and past, let it go and live now.”
Shari cupped his face with both hands and looked him in the eye.
“Your family is coming back together again, baby, just as she wished, as she knew it would when she gave you her bracelet and set all this in motion. Ashley was more right than she knew: this was fated, and fate always wins the toss.”
Rick sighed, turning all eyes on him.
“So what do we do now, guys? I don’t know if you’re ready yet, Bobby, but I think I am: I want to meet the rest of my family. We’ve been alone too long, but we can put an end to that now. I want to meet my uncle and aunt, the rest of my family, I want to know about Barbara’s family first hand, and this Sherry, she’s part of this too, I want to meet her too. This is our family, they’re part of us, and we’re part of them; let’s do this, it’s time.”
Bobby locked eyes with Shereen and must have seen something there, because he nodded slowly.
“You’re right. We need to do this, but not just us. Nicky needs to be part of this too; we let Barbara go without a thought, but he loved her unconditionally, and she loved him; her loss almost destroyed him. He put that bastard away for good, but he needs closure too.”
He saw my puzzled look at his statement about putting their father away.
“Barbara sent Nicky a letter, she mailed it the morning that bastard… what he did to her. She told him in the letter what he’d done to Julia, his real mother, what he’d done to Ashley, what he and his partner were up to. Nicky gave the letter to the FBI, and they investigated Dad, found out what he’d been doing, and with whom. They extradited him, tried him, and put him away. Nicky always knew what dad had done to Barbara, but it was Shari’s mother who had the real proof. We gave it to Nicky’s step-dad, he went back to the FBI and they tried him again, this time for her murder, and they convicted the bastard; he’s never getting out of jail. The bastard is going to die of old age in a prison cell buried away underground far from any and everyone, that’s his reward, Nicky and his mum and dad made sure of that. We finally got justice, real justice for Barbara, for Ayesha, for Ashley.”
He put his arm around Shari, drawing her closer.
“Because we’d proved that Barbara hadn’t committed suicide, the church relented and consecrated her grave, and we had a Requiem Mass for her; Nicky came from America, and his family, so we could be her family together and let her rest in peace at last. It was something we needed to do, Nicky most of all. Nicky’s mum, Julia, she’s let us adopt her, all of us. She said that we’d given Nicky our mother, so he wouldn’t mind sharing her with us, and she was right. Now we have a mum for real, she lives in America, in Albany, but she’s still our mum, still part of this family, and we’re part of hers. Her husband David, Nicky’s stepdad, is my dad now, and their kids are our family too, my sisters in the best possible way.”
One other thing I didn’t understand was this “Ashley” thing; Bobby had said they’d gotten justice for her; I didn’t understand what he meant and so I asked him. A look of sick anger flickered across his face.
“My psycho father blackmailed his crony in America to… to assault Julia, to punish her for leaving him. He attacked Ashley instead because she walked in at the wrong time…”
“What did he do to her?” I whispered, but Bobby shook his head.
“I’m sorry, it’s… she needs to tell you, I’m sorry. When we come down to see your father, we’ll bring Nicky and Ashley with us. They should be there, they’re a big part of this too, maybe she’ll tell you then, I can’t, it’s too… I can’t, I’m sorry… ”
Jamie and I shared a glance, wondering what Robert had done to the girl Ashley; Bobby was sickened and angered by it, though, even I could see that.
He shook himself like a man doused in cold water, a whole body shudder.
“Nicky and his stepdad, they made sure that bastard never got away with anything. When my father killed Barbara he destroyed Nicky’s world, he took from him the one thing he loved more than life itself. You have to understand, Nicky was Barbara’s real family, he was her son in a way I never was, and while he may not be her blood family like you and me, he’s her real son in every way that counts. He’s earned the right to stand up as her son and be part of her family.”
Jamie stood, as did Bobby, and they clasped hands.
“Come and see dad, all of you, and make it soon, please; this family has been broken apart too long, it’s time we all came together. Dad and Mum will welcome you, all of you. Make it soon, please?”
Shereen held Bobby’s hand as she rose up on tiptoes and kissed Jamie on the cheek.
“We will, soon, I promise you.”
*****
Bobby and Ricky: All The Dots Finally Connected
Ricky, the girls, and I finally made the push to come see our uncle, and it was an interesting and unique experience, if only because our family had so many by-ways and little turn-off’s leading to new discoveries about who we were and the unique ways the family had grown and branched.
We’d waited until Nicky and Ashley could join us, if anyone deserved to be part of this reunion it was Nicky. Even though Barbara was no relation of his, he was uniquely and irrevocably bound up in this family story, he was more truly Barbara’s son than I had ever been, and Uncle James wanted all of Barbara’s children, not just her blood-kin, to be part of this reunion.
It was quite a tribe who descended upon our uncle’s home; Uncle James had insisted everyone come and meet their family, and stay a few days. Both Shari and Yaz wanted the children to meet the rest of their families too, plus they were intrigued as to just how far and wide the family had spread, and how, so that was what we did.
We flew down to London from Lake District Airport, and Jamie and a good-looking blond guy named Mark met us at Southend airport in a pair of people carriers, more than adequate to hold six adults and six restless children, four of whom were still buzzing from their first ever flight. It was a fairly long drive from Southend to Streatham in South London, and the three girls and all the kids had dropped off long before we got there.
I rode shotgun with Jamie, while Rick and Nicky rode with Mark. They were obviously having a long conversation on the way to Streatham, whenever we caught up with them I could see all of them chatting animatedly. Jamie and I talked mostly about the kids, his and mine, and how his mother was going to go mental over them.
“Mum’s an instinctive granny, you better be prepared, she’ll have the photo albums out before you’ve sat down and all the kids will have a cupcake and a lollipop stuck in their mouths; she’s a feeder, too, so practice saying “no”, it’s the only way to get out of there alive and sane.”
*****
When we arrived once more at that beautiful Victorian house Ricky and I had visited before, Jamie and Mark ushered everyone up to the door, which was opened by Nia, and I was struck again at just how beautiful she was; Jamie was a lucky man. It was kind of a melee inside, people everywhere and my head was spinning as introductions were made all around. I grabbed a few names but I was pretty much overloading on information, but then I saw him and I knew him right away; it had to be my uncle James, he looked so much like Barbara. This man was my family for real, all I had left of my mother.
I tried to speak to him but my dry throat betrayed me, but then it didn’t matter because he clasped my shoulders and stared at me, and then wordlessly crushed me in a hug. I was still tongue-tied when he grabbed Ricky and pulled him into the hug. He held both of us for what seemed like forever, but could only have been a few moments, but I felt the connection with him, I felt his anguish, and his joy, too. Our family had found itself, and it was an overwhelming feeling.
Our uncle held us at arm’s length so he could look closely at us; his gaze flicked back and forth between us, obviously comparing us, looking for our mother in us. Jamie and Nia must have told him what we had spoken about in such awful detail, but I didn’t see any judgement, any recrimination in his eyes; maybe he really did feel that what was past is past, that what we had done as children had no bearing on who we were now, but for whatever reason, there was nothing but welcome in his eyes, in his arms around me. My uncle was truly glad to see me, the welcome and the warmth rolling off him was almost tangible.