“Shari and me, we were put through Hell by that man, he destroyed mummy, he hurt her so many times, he took so much from her, her life’s work, her money, her family, her self-respect, even her right to say no, and when he left, he left her with nothing.”
She paused to wipe the tear trickling down her cheek.
“He’s in prison in America now; he’s going to die there and it’s still not enough, not for what he did. We finally have justice, but we’ll never have payback, there isn’t enough payback in the world for what he did. Ricky found us just when I needed him most, when mummy needed him. She loved him like he was her own, and he loves us just the same way; Ricky would kill or be killed for us, and that’s why I’m with him, because he’s not his father’s son.”
She smiled wanly, her eyes huge and lambent in her pale, drawn face.
“He and Bobby, and Nicky are my big brothers, and they’re all the best things this family should be. That’s why we love them so much.”
My eyes were brimming at all these revelations, at Yasmin’s obvious love for Rick; even Jamie’s tense grip on my hand had relaxed, and his eyes had softened, the anger and shock drained away.
“What… what happened to your mother, Yasmin?” he murmured, but she looked way, she’d obviously said all she was going to say, so Shari answered.
“Mummy died, five, almost six years ago, now; a massive cerebral haemorrhage was the official coroner’s verdict, but even he was shocked at how many injuries mummy had sustained over the years. Robert… Robert would show up, get drunk, drag her into bed, and in the morning she’d be bruised, black eyes, split lips, everything. So many times… ”
She paused as Bobby gathered her in; even I could see how this story was affecting her, but she continued anyway.
“After Robert was taken away she started her business all over again. Yaz and I worked with her, and then Ricky showed up. Mummy couldn’t believe how someone who looked so much like that man could be so unlike him. Ricky was so… ashamed of what his father had done, but so hard to dislike just because of whom he was. Mummy was just completely taken with him; she loved him like he was one of us, like he’d always been part of our family, and all he wanted was to try and somehow atone for what that bastard had done to us. He didn’t have to, but just wanting that, and meaning it, was part of why mummy loved him so much.”
She sighed, and Bobby squeezed her hand, lacing his fingers in her.
“Mummy collapsed and died at home. Rick and Yaz found her. I said some things, harsh, cruel, vicious things to poor Ricky just to slash and burn him, to make him take the blame for what his father had caused, but when push came to shove I couldn’t let him go; we needed him, we needed our brother to love us and be our strength, and that was what Ricky gave us. It was the worst time of our lives, and he brought us through it. That’s why Yaz loves him so much. We came home to Carlisle with Ricky because there was nothing left for us in London, and that’s when I met Bobby and, like Yaz, I knew that he was what I needed. We’ve been together ever since. ”
She sighed and hugged Bobby’s arm.
“It’s been difficult these last few years trying to put all this in perspective, and then put it behind us. There were just too many loose ends and unanswered questions. One of the biggest problems has been where and how Barbara fits in all this. Even though she died nearly ten years ago, she’s always been a major presence in this family.”
“She gave Bobby her charm bracelet just over five years ago, and for five years he’s been beating himself up over why she would do that, if she’s forgiven him, if the bracelet is a remembrance or a rebuke, stuff that Bobby can’t let go of. You showing up has finally begun to help us answer some of those questions, especially now we know we had the clues to her family literally in our hands the whole time.”
Something she’d said caught my attention, because it made no sense at all.
“Shereen, could you just back up a second please?” I asked, “I don’t understand something: you said Barbara died ten years ago, right? Then you said she gave Bobby her bracelet five years ago: they both can’t be true? How could she give Bobby her bracelet five years ago if she’d passed away ten years ago? I’m sorry, it just doesn’t add up…”
Shari patted her and Bobby’s entwined hands.
“You’re up, sweetie.” she murmured. Bobby sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, startling me; Jamie has that exact same habit when he’s perturbed, he even has the same expression.
“I don’t know where to begin; this is going to sound so… I don’t know, nutty, but it’s all true, I swear on my mother’s grave that this happened, and it’s all to do with that bracelet. I know it’s going to sound crazy, but here goes. About five years ago, it was the middle of summer, Nick and his family were all here from Albany, including Nicky’s little sister Rachel, and Nicky’s mum and stepdad. ”
“The kids were all mostly toddlers and babies, except for little Barbara, and Ayesha and Ricky’s little boy, David, who’d gone from crawling straight to running around like little speed demons. I’d been watching them and running around after them, keeping them snacked and occupied while the girls, Mum and Dad got everything together for a barbecue. I finally got them damped down so I was taking five, trying to grab a snooze, and Rachel, Ricky’s little sister, who was about five at the time, was sitting on me watching TV. I barely registered when she slid off and disappeared, I could just vaguely hear her laughing and talking in the dining room. I’d dozed off and suddenly she was clambering all over me and shaking me awake and telling me she had something to give me.”
His whole expression changed, wonder, wistfulness, loss, and… something else, something I couldn’t work out.
“When I saw what she had I jerked awake. It was Barbara’s charm bracelet… ”
He held the bracelet up so we could all see it, a strange, almost haunted expression on his face, in his eyes.
“Rachel insisted on waking me up, she wanted to show it to me. I asked her where she got it, and what she told me I’ve never forgotten; I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. She told me “the nice lady gave it to me.” I asked her “what nice lady?” and she pointed at that photo on the mantelpiece and said “Her! She told me to give it to you, and I had to tell you something, too; she said that she loved you, and Ricky, and Little Saint Nick, and all the babies, and me too! She was nice! Is she your mommy? She looks like you. Who’s Little Saint Nick?”
That expression was back again, that puzzled, preoccupied look Jamie also gets on occasion, as he studied his hands, the floor, anywhere but look directly at us as he continued.
“I don’t know where all that came from, I don’t even want to think about it, but I keep coming back to the fact I hadn’t seen Barbara’s bracelet in years. I know it wasn’t with her things, they’re all still packed and boxed-up in the attic, I knew what was in those boxes, I went through them and packed them myself, but most of all, how did Rachel, six-year old Rachel from America, know that Barbara’s private name for Nicky, the thing he kept locked away inside and never talked about, was “Little Saint Nick”?”
I was enthralled by the story; I could see he wasn’t just spinning a yarn, whatever had really happened, be believed what he was telling us, and the memory was obviously still sharp and fresh.
“There’s more,” he sighed, “just a couple of sidebars, but kind of the same thing. The first time Nicky came back to England to visit Barbara’s grave, he and Ashley and their baby were driving back down to Birmingham, and Ashley switched on the car radio, to Nicky’s favourite FM station. The first thing they heard was a request from “Barbara for Nick, for the Beach Boys’ “Little Saint Nick”.”
“If that wasn’t eerie enough, when the four of us decided to go find Nicky, to somehow try to put our family back together, we went to Albany, as the one clue we had was that Nicky may have been there. Ricky and I were coming out of a doughnut shop and we saw this lone guy being attacked by a bunch of guys; I distinctly heard Ricky shout “Help Him!” so I jumped in. The weird thing is, Ricky heard ME shout “Help Him!” so he jumped in too. The guy we helped turned out to be Nicky’s brother-in-law, Leon. Someone made us help the one person in Albany who could lead us to Nicky. I don’t know about you, but in my book that’s no coincidence. ”
That drawn, weary look was back.
“Ashley says it was no coincidence; the way she sees it, so much had happened to Nicky, to Rick and me, so much wrong had been done to us, and by us, it was inevitable we’d meet; it was the time and place for it to happen. I know that sounds like mystical claptrap, but given all that had gone before, it does seem we were led by the nose to each other; she said it was fated, and fate always wins.”
The whole story was so fantastical that I was having trouble believing it, but my two cousins and their sister-wives seemed to believe it implicitly, and then there was the bracelet, but the clincher was the little girl knowing something she couldn’t possibly have known or guessed. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickling. Bobby gently bounced the bracelet in his cupped palm, not really seeing it, but I could tell he had more to say.
“I’ve been wondering for years now, going over and over this and trying to make sense of what happened, and nothing. I thought perhaps she passed the message on to me through Rachel only because she was a true innocent in this whole thing, that she held no anger or blame for her. Sometimes I’d think the bracelet was my mother reminding me that I’d stood by and done nothing and she’d died because of it, that it was a rebuke and an accusation, her telling me she’d loved me and yet I’d still done nothing to save her. Other times I’ve thought she gave it to me because she had nothing for me except a piece of worthless metal because after all my denial and abandonment of her, that was all she had for me.”