By the time I was finished, Yaz was looking at me with a shocked expression on her face, and Rick had his face buried in the crook of her neck, his own shoulders shaking. I was wrung out by the whole thing, but it had been cathartic, I felt cleaned out for the first time. I slumped back in the chair, emotionally drained, shocked and ashamed of myself. Finally, I had learned what happens when you look the Gorgon in the face; I’d dug deep down inside myself and pulled out all the stuff that had accumulated, the parts of me that should never have been, and showed it all to the light, and while I felt deeply soiled by what I’d finally admitted to, paradoxically I also, finally, felt clean for the first time ever.
Yaz pulled Rick closer, smoothing his hair as she whispered to him, soothing him while Shari and I watched as my brother paid his own price for what we’d allowed to happen to Nicky. I felt a soft hand on my forehead as Shari curled her arm around me and pulled me close to her.
“Poor baby, carrying that around, no wonder you feel so isolated. You can let all that go now, Bobby, you shared it and it’s gone now. From what you say about Nicky, I think he’s forgiven you, he seems like he wouldn’t have carried any of this around with him. One day we’ll find him, or he’ll come home, you’ll see. Have you any pictures of him? I’d really like to see what my big brother looks like.”
I shook my head, but Rick looked up, his eyes wide and sat bolt upright, like he’d just had a severe shock. He got up and almost ran out of the room, and I heard him run upstairs, all the way up to the attics. I wondered where he’d gone, and why, when we heard him running down the stairs again. He burst into the room, and dumped a pile of photograph albums on the coffee table.
“These were packed away in Barbara’s… our mother’s stuff; there are pictures of Nicky in there!”
Shari picked up one of the albums and began leafing through it. I looked over her shoulder and immediately felt my eyes pricking; there she was, Barbara, our mother, my mother. She looked so young, so beautiful, picture after picture of her, some alone, but mostly shots of her with a sweet, cherubic little blonde-haired boy.
“Nicky?” asked Shari gently, and I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Rick was also leafing through an album, tears on his cheeks as he took in picture after picture of our mother, laughing, smiling, holding Nicky close to her, his face open and trusting, holding hands with his mum, OUR mum. I leafed through another album, again, pictures of our mother, of Nicky, laughing, studying, playing, and running, but no pictures of us, not one.
I looked again at Shari, my own eyes filling as I realised my mother had taken no pictures of Rick or me, how could she have, she’d been bullied and terrorised, cowed and beaten down, and hadn’t even been allowed to tell us she was our mother. One look at her face in those myriad pictures told me how much she’d loved and cared for Nicky, and the knowledge that I could have had that as well burned like acid in me. Shari reached over and gently thumbed my eyes, her own eyes two wells of sorrow and compassion. She nodded at Rick, slumped back in his seat, his eyes closed as tears wet his cheeks, while Yaz leaned against him, rubbing his chest, whispering urgently to him, and motioned to me to follow her into the sitting room.
Once in the sitting room she sat me down and sat next to me, pulling me round until I faced her.
“Bobby, everything you said earlier, did you mean it? About finding Nicky, I mean?”
I just nodded, still mentally reeling from the confession I’d made, and Shari smiled at me.
“Good; let’s do that then, let’s go find our brother! Let’s find him, and bring him home, and put our family back together!”
I looked at her in astonishment. I really had no idea how we’d accomplish that, where we’d even start; the trail was four-years cold, and getting colder by the day, but something about her made me feel sure she’d find a way; already I was beginning to accept Shari as the head of the family, and her confidence and cool competence was going to be a major asset to this family now. I grinned back at her, and she looked closely at me.
“You know, Bobby, when you smile like that, you look an awful lot like Nicky too; different hair, paler eyes, but still almost a dead-spit of him; he was gorgeous, and so are you!”
I had to laugh at that, this was the second time she’d called me gorgeous, and it was still funny, but she wasn’t laughing.
“I meant it, Robert Davies; you are truly handsome, you should smile more often, it suits you,” she murmured, “I used to think Ricky was handsome, and so he is, but you’re the one with the looks in this family, you better believe it…”
Now that I was cringing with embarrassment, she stood up and opened the door into the family room, and pulled up with a soft gasp; intrigued, I stepped up and looked over her shoulder, to see Yaz sitting astride Rick, his hands tightly clenched around her pert little bum in her stretch jeans, her arms around his neck as they enthusiastically ‘sucked face’ as the phrase puts it. Yaz was grinding her crotch against Rick, their lips glued together, and both of them were oblivious to the rest of the world. Shari looked up at me, then slowly shut the door again.
“Wow, they didn’t waste any time did they?” she grinned, “looks like I’ll be alone in that big room tonight, unless…!” she grinned up at me again and pushed the door open, Yasmin and Rick both jerking around guiltily.
“Shari, I’m… we… we were…!” she stammered, Shari just grinning at her until she ground to a halt and looked at me in mute appeal. I just shrugged, and sat down, deliberately taking no notice, letting her know that I didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, and letting Shari field this one.
“Yaz, we told you, this is your home, and if you and Rick are serious about each other, well, Bobby and I have nothing to say in the matter; your choices, babies!”
Yaz looked stunned, and Rick looked directly at me.
“So, Bobby, if Yaz and me want to… be together, tonight, you’re gonna do, what, nothing, is that right?”
I looked him right in the eye.
“Got it in one, Rick; I told you; you and Yaz are adults, what you do is your business, this is your home, both of you, and if you want to be together tonight, or any other night, you certainly don’t need my permission or my approval!”
Rick and Yaz exchanged glances, then stood up, much stretching and phoney yawns suddenly in evidence. I had to grin, there was no need for all that pantomime; they could just as easily have said “well folks, we’re off to go fuck now, don’t wait up!” and neither Shari nor I would have batted an eyelid…
As they were trooping out, Shari called out to them, a wicked grin on her face.
“Use our room, Yaz, Ricky’s only got a twin in his room, the Queen-size is much bigger!”
Even I saw the backs of their necks flush at that one, and the grin on Shari’s face was worth a million bucks. Of course, that meant she had nowhere to sleep, and I asked her where she planned on sleeping.
“Don’t worry, Bobby, I have a plan…” she twinkled back at me, making me feel very uncomfortable for a second or two.
I pottered around, picking up and straightening up, until Shari slapped me lightly on the backside with a rolled-up magazine.
“Go to bed, Bobby, you’ve had a long day! Just one thing; take the day off tomorrow, we need to talk and make some plans, and we need you here for that; trust me, you’re going to like it. Goodnight, baby brother!”
Somewhat bemused at being sent to bed, I thought about the evening, and what we’d achieved, and where were going, and was just about to turn off the lamp and go to sleep when there was a light knock on my door. Before I could answer, it opened and there was Shari, once again wearing that ridiculously short bathrobe, long, endless legs very much on display.
“Is there something wrong…?” I began, but she shook her head.
“No, everything’s fine, it’s just… I can’t sleep, not alone in that big room upstairs; it’s so creepy up there all alone! Shove over, Bobby, you’ve got a room-mate tonight… if you don’t mind?”
Yes I minded, not when she looked so completely desirable, and I really didn’t think she should be climbing into bed with me, not when she was a sneeze away from being naked, but all my objections died in the back of my throat when she dropped her robe; underneath she had on the shortest cut-off tee-shirt and tiny, sprayed-on boy shorts, and all I could do was gawp at how beautiful she was, how lithe and willowy, how outrageously sexy she looked right now.
“Move along Bobby!” she smiled, and I scooted over, mouth still hanging open at this vision who wanted to climb into bed with me, actually wanted to; I wanted to pinch myself to check I wasn’t dreaming, that she’d somehow invaded my mind and this was just an erotic dream, but then she slid into bed next to me and she really was there, warm, and soft, and smelling divine.