“Last night was a mistake, can’t you see that? You keep pushing this ‘brother’ thing on me, but brothers don’t do that with their sisters, and if I’m not your brother it had even less meaning; it was just because I was there, not because it was me; it may mean nothing to you, but if I’m really your brother, then we did a really wrong thing and it can’t happen again; that’s why I have to leave.”
Shari looked at me as two tears ran down her cheeks.
“Oh Bobby, last night was wonderful, and it was because of you! Don’t leave us, you’re our brother, you’re my brother, and this is your home, we’re your family and you’re supposed to be with us, where you’re safe. Until we came here, part of us was missing; that was you, we needed you to make us complete. Ricky told us all about you, how hard you worked, for so little, but still you never gave up, and Yaz and me, we both knew we needed to have you with us; even if we never really spoke of it, we need your strength to hold us together, I need you with me, I can’t do it all by myself!”
She dashed away the tears that sprang in her eyes.
“We didn’t come here to show you how close Yaz and Ricky and I were; we came here to find our brother and put him back where he belongs; in the middle of his family, all of us together, strong and together, not the three of us and you! We love you Bobby, your sisters love you, when you can believe that, you’ll find a place waiting for you, believe me! You’ve been alone and in need for too long Bobby, now you have all of us, and we have you. Don’t leave us Bobby, we need you!”
She leaned over and hugged me, her cheek soft against mine, and her breath soft and warm in my ear. When she pulled away I felt the dampness on my cheek from her tears, and smiled at her as she wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands, then looked at me quizzically.
“What we did last night, didn’t you like it, Bobby?” she asked me softly, catching me off-guard.
I had enjoyed it; it was the first encounter I’d ever had with a girl; the only thing that soured it for me was that the girl in question was my sister; other than that, it was just perfect. I looked away, unable to meet her gaze.
“Shari, I’d be lying if I said no, but you’re my sister; brothers don’t do things like that with their sisters…!”
Shari smiled at me.
“So what about Ricky and Yaz, then? What about what they were doing? Bobby, if you were hurting me, or I was hurting you, or one of us was forcing the other, then it would be wrong; but no-one did, we did what we did because it was what we wanted, and it felt good!”
Shari sat down next to me and slid her arm around my waist so she could rest her head on my chest. My arm came up instinctively around her shoulder, holding her against me. When she spoke again, it was softly, like she was saying something that she only wanted me to hear.
“Bobby, I liked having you make me feel good, I want you to keep making me feel good, and I’ll make you feel the same. Why can’t we keep making the people we love feel good? Yaz needs Ricky, and she needs me, but I need to have you there too; I felt it the very first time I saw you. I meant it when I said you were my brother, and I mean it now. Please don’t leave me, not when I need you. Yaz was frightened, but she had me, and I made it alright for her, but I was frightened too, Bobby, I was frightened the whole time, and I had no-one; I need someone to make it alright for me; I need my big little brother to care about me and stop me being frightened too!”
I realised she was crying, and without thinking I hugged her, letting her cry against my chest, her tears wetting my tee-shirt as she cried silently. Eventually she stopped, my hand slowly rubbing her back as I tried my best to soothe her, to take the fear and sorrow away. Finally she sighed and sat up, looking me in the eyes as she spoke softly, earnestly to me.
“Our father did a lot of harm to us, to all of us; he really was an evil man, but you’re not him, you’re nothing like him, no matter what you believe he’s done to you. You think he’s made you into an outsider, well you’re wrong; there’s a whole lot of things waiting inside for you, Bobby, all you have to do is want them; we want you to come in and be warm, be the part of us that’s missing! We all have a past we’d rather forget, but we can’t do that; it’s part of us, but that doesn’t mean it has to tell us who we are for the rest of our lives. Bobby, we can have a future, all of us, as a family. Let the past go so you can have a future with us, with your family!”
Her words were spinning and echoing inside me, and I could feel the truth of them, and her sincerity; she really did need me, and it was a strange and not unpleasant feeling; to be needed, to have another soul actually need me to care about them. My fears and feelings of isolation and rejection simply melted away as this wonderful girl spread her soul out for me and invited me to wrap it about myself. The realisation that I could be part of something as simple, as profound, and as warm as a family suddenly filled me. Shari was my sister, and I realised I loved her, her appeal to me for protection and support had kick-starting something inside me, those protective instincts I had just discovered reared-up again and made me determined to keep my sisters, my family, safe from harm at all costs.
Shari watched as my inner turmoil resolved itself, finally smiling as I smiled at her.
“Okay, you’ve convinced me! I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn’t mean to, this is all… so new to me; Rick comes home, and he brings my sisters with him, sisters I never knew I had, and I find out things about my family that I wish I’d never heard, but most of all, I find my sisters are smart, brave, loving, and truly, truly beautiful; at least my father got one thing right in his whole poisonous life!”
Shari blushed and hugged me again, laying her cheek against my chest.
“Hold me, Bobby, please…” she sighed, and of course I did, lying back down so she could lie next to me, spooned against me with my arm around her. I had no ulterior motive for holding her like this; I had to get up for a long day’s work in a few hours, and this was the most restful way. Shari obviously realised she was safe with me, pulling my arm further around herself into a more comfortable position. Her warmth, the restful position we were lying in, I was starting to drift away when she suddenly turned to face me so she could hug me closer.
“I meant what I said yesterday, Bobby!” she whispered; “I’m still your big sister, and big sisters look after their little brothers! Now go to sleep, you’ve had a long day; don’t worry about anything; I’ll watch over you.”
I grinned to myself at her words, but I have to be honest; it felt so nice to be held and lulled to sleep, so comforting, something I had no memory of ever being done to me before, and I fell asleep with the sound of her breathing and her hand on my waist, her warm body pressed against mine, no sexual overtures or seductiveness, just simple warmth and comfort radiating from her.
I woke just ahead of my alarm, as I had always done, to find I’d rolled over in my sleep and was now lying spooned against her. Shari was fast asleep, still fully dressed but with a corner of my covers pulled over herself and her arm still thrown protectively around my waist. I slid out of bed as stealthily as I could so as not to disturb her, and pulled the covers up over her.
“… get up in a minute, mummy…” she muttered, then sank back into deep sleep again. I silently collected my clothes and slipped into the bathroom to wash, shave and brush my teeth. Once finished, I dressed in there so as not to disturb anyone, but I guess I wasn’t quiet enough; as I came out, the girls’ bedroom door opened and Yaz peered out.
“Shari…?” she whispered.
“No, it’s me, Shari’s still asleep.” I whispered back, noting the look on her face. “Don’t worry, she’s fine; she fell asleep watching me, she must have been really tired, so I left her there; you can check on her if you like, just don’t disturb her…”
Yaz made to go to my room, but stopped when I spoke to her again, never raising my voice above a soft whisper.
“Yaz, I just want to say sorry for scaring you or making you feel like I didn’t want you here, or for anything else I might have done. I’m sorry, I didn’t understand, but I do now; Shari explained it all to me, and I’m sorry I didn’t say this before, but I want to, now; I’m glad you came here, I’m glad my sisters are here, and I promise I’ll always look out for them. I’m sorry I made you afraid of me, I didn’t do it on purpose, and I’ll never do it again. Can you forgive me?”
Yaz grinned as she stretched up on tip-toes to kiss my cheek.
“Shari said you’d be as sweet as Ricky, you just had to work some things out for yourself first, and she was right. I think I’m going to like having big brothers as sweet as you two!”
A huge weight seemed to lift off my chest, and I realised I’d almost stopped breathing as I waited for her answer. More than anything in the world right now I needed the good opinion of this beautiful girl, my baby sister, and I felt almost light-headed with relief when she smiled and actually spoke directly to me for almost the first time, no longer wary of me.
“I wish you didn’t have to go to work today, Bobby!” she whispered, “you look so tired all the time, you need some proper rest and proper food; you didn’t have any dinner last night, and now you’ve got to go and work all day long; Shari’s worried about you, and so am I; stay home, Bobby, please, let us look after you; at least you’ll get something hot to eat…”