“Hello Nicky, I just came to see if you were OK in here, and to thank you for being my knight in shining armour!”
I smiled at her. “No thanks needed, you’re my kid sister, and I’m happy to be your knight in shining armour, ‘Sans peur et sans reproche’, all dragon-slaying free of charge for you, milady!”
She smiled but persisted with what she wanted to say.
“No Nicky, it’s more than that; it feels safer having a man in the house again; ever since daddy died, Mom and I have been alone; if anything bad happened to us, we had no-one to protect us, but I know Mom feels safe again, for the first time in four years. She usually sleeps on a hair-trigger, but last night was the first real rest she’s had since daddy died, and it’s because of you. Plus the whole ‘having you back’ thing, her mind’s really at peace for the first time in a very long time, so thank you for that; for making us feel safe, and giving Mom some peace of mind at last.”
To my surprise, I could see she was almost in tears, and I held out my arms to her, and she came and hugged me, being careful not to hug me too tight, her head buried in my chest.
“Mom was always afraid we’d get robbed, or worse, someone looking for some helpless women, she was terrified of that, so was I, and I know no-one around here would help us, so I’m just so thankful you came home, even if it wasn’t the way it should have been!”
I was horrified that the women in my family were so vulnerable, so frightened, so alone, that there was no-one they could depend on. Well, now they had me, and I would protect them. I tilted her head up, and was shocked and distressed to see tears in her eyes, and need for reassurance written on her face.
“Ashley, I will never let anything happen to you or Mom. I’ll make sure you and Mom are safe, I promise! Tomorrow, we’re going to find a hardware store, and we’re getting some proper locks and security hardware, and we’ll fit them so you can sleep secure in your bed. OK?”
Ashley looked up at me. “Thank you for coming home just when we needed you, Nicky, you really are a godsend.” She looked so sweet, so vulnerable, I bent down to kiss her forehead, brotherly and proper, but she tilted her head up to me and pressed her lips to mine, kissing me properly, and I kissed her back, enjoying the feel of her lips against mine, her body pressed against mine, her sweet breath on me as she broke our kiss to rapidly kiss me on my face, my neck, my throat, and again my lips, her tongue darting in and out of my mouth, fencing with my tongue as I tasted her again, feeling myself harden as she moved against me. Ashley hugged me and held her head against my chest, like she was listening to my heartbeat, and spoke softly.
“Nicky, can I stay with you tonight, please? Just … stay, nothing else, I just want to feel safe again, like when my daddy was still here.”
My heart broke open and bled for her, and there was nothing I could say except “Yes, of course, stay tonight, stay as many nights as you need, whatever it takes to make you feel safe. You just rest now, OK?”
She climbed into the bed, and wrapped the covers around herself, and I lay on top of the covers, with my arm around her. She immediately squirmed right up against me, and, with a happy sigh, closed her eyes, and was asleep in a couple of minutes. I lay awake for a while, trying to sort out how I felt about this girl who had become a part of my life so suddenly. I knew intellectually that she was my sister, but another, more visceral part of me wanted to ignore that altogether, it just wanted her, and I was feeling very conflicted about it. The truth was, I had no experience of her as a sister, we had no history whatsoever as siblings. All I knew was Ashley, the very pretty, no make that beautiful, girl I had just met, and I was enormously attracted to her, and found it remarkably easy to discount the sister aspect of her completely. I wondered how, if ever, I could be more than her older brother to her. She appeared to be opening the door for me, but maybe I was just misreading her intentions my experience with girls wasn’t exactly extensive, and I needed some guidance here, but from whom? My mother? Not very likely! I fell asleep pondering this puzzle that was Ashley Lowry.
I woke with the lark, my watch said 5:30 and I lay there, with an unfortunate morning erection pressed hard into Ashley’s rump as she spooned up against me. I tried thinking about doing the work on the car, hoping to make it go down, or at least back off a little, as I was dying for a pee, but it had no real effect. I was desperately doing my French grammar exercises, conjugating verbs in the hope of distracting myself, when I saw Mom, smiling at me through the open door. That immediately had the desired effect, oh yes!
“So she stayed here last night, then?” she whispered, and I smiled and nodded.
“She was frightened; she asked if she could, I couldn’t very well say no, so…”
Ashley stirred and opened one eye. “Could you two please save this for later, I’m trying to sleep!” before patting me on the hip and rolling over to go back to sleep.
I got up as gently as possible so as not to disturb her further, and found the bathroom, then followed Mom into the sitting room.
She was making coffee, and brought me a cup, sitting down next to me. “I’m glad you’re here, Nicky, Ashley already feels safer in her home; she’s been afraid for a long time now, ever since…”
I felt a cold hand on me. “Ever since what, Mom?” I asked, suddenly afraid I already knew the answer.
Mom sat down, and looked at me. “She was… attacked, outside, two years ago, a boy followed her home and grabbed her on the porch, dragged her out back, and … and…” she stopped, swallowed, and continued. “The police found no useable evidence, he used a condom, so no DNA, and she’s been hurting and terrified ever since. My daughter was raped because I couldn’t do anything to protect her!”
I nearly blacked-out with the shock. My sister, my kid sister, abducted off her own porch and raped, and no-one could do anything about it! That’s what she’d meant when she’d said anyone could do what they liked to her! I was outraged, horror-struck, nearly blinded with anger; I’d only been home a few days, but already my protective instincts were kicking in, and my rage towered inside me, my whole body trembling as I fought for balance, trying to suppress the urge to go looking for him, find him, whoever he was, and throw him around until I’d broken every bone in his body, beat him into a quivering mass of flesh, crush him to pulp with my bare hands.
Suddenly Mom was there, holding me tight, waiting for the rage to subside, smoothing my hair, talking urgently to me.
“Stop it Nicky, leave it, it’s gone now, please baby, calm down, it’s in the past, you’re here now, and she’s safe, she’s got you to protect her now, that’s what matters, please, baby, stop this, don’t be the man your father is!”
That brought me up short; blind, unreasoning rage was one of my father’s trademarks, and I would rather burn in hell than become in any way like him. Mom felt me relax as her words penetrated the haze of anger and outrage, and suddenly I was back in the room with her, muscles twitching in reaction as I relaxed, tears welling up as I thought of that poor, vulnerable girl and the shocking violation she’d endured, the theft of her most basic right; the right to say ‘no’.
“Mom, I promised her I’d protect both of you. Today I’ll be fitting new locks and hardware around the house, make this place as secure as I know how, so at least you can sleep easy at night. I’ll always be here for both of you, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you before. If I’d known about you, known how alone and frightened you were, I’d have come to you years ago, please believe me!”
Mom hugged me. “I know, Nicky, I’m just grateful you’re here now, my family is back together again, that’s all that matters to me.”
“So what’s with the love-fest?” said a sleepy voice from the doorway, and I looked round to see Ashley, hair dishevelled but looking adorable, standing in the doorway, eyes still sleepy.”I’m trying to sleep, but you two yakking in here is keeping me awake!”
Mom grinned. “A miracle, she’s up before 11 o’clock!”
Ashley sat down next to me, leaning against me with her head against my shoulder and her arm through mine, and I instinctively moved my arm to put it around her, hugging her close to me so she could cuddle up against me on the couch, tucking her feet up under her. She pulled my head down and kissed me on the cheek, whispering “Hi, Big Boy!” as she did, and I felt my face and ears heat up again as I blushed.
Mom looked at me, then at Ashley. “Baby, Nick knows, I told him; I thought he should know.”
Ashley looked up at me with those luminous smoky green eyes of hers, and said in a small voice “So now you know; now do you think I’m trash, too?”
I nearly choked with all the things I wanted to say, and I hugged her to me, fiercely, protectively. “Ashley, I could never, would never, think that of you; you’re my little sister, and my job is to protect you, no matter what. I wasn’t here to look out for you before, and I’m so sorry, but I’m here now, and I’ll never let anyone hurt you again, I swear!”
She reached up and pulled me down to kiss me on the cheek again. “Thank you Nicky, I’m glad my big brother came home at last!”
Mom got up and stretched. “I have to get to work, if anyone wants breakfast, now’s the time to ask, otherwise I’m getting a shower.”
There were no takers, so Mom went to the bathroom and I remained seated, nursing my coffee while Ashley snoozed against me. I thought she’d probably be more comfortable in her bed, but when I tried to get her to move, she just hugged herself closer to me, muttering adorably, and refused to wake up, so I sat there, in my shorts, waiting for her to waken so I could get a shower.